I’m confused; are we in a relationship?

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Hi Guys!

First of all I’m 23 and my guy is 22. Let’s call him Alex. We met about 4-5 months ago. We have kissed, held hands, cuddled, etc. (No sex yet, though he really wants to do it.) I like him but his actions are somehow confusing.

Alex is usually nicer and more attentive over texts and/or Facebook messages. He texts me at least once per day—random stuff and at random times—and that’s the only time when we have conversations about our relationship.

I already said that he really, really wants to do ‘it’, but I’m not ready.  I had a horrible experience with my last boyfriend and I haven’t dated or tried to be in a relationship with anyone since then. (More than 4 years now). However, Alex  said that he is willing to wait until the time comes, which I find really sweet of him! He doesn’t know and never asked for the details of what happened between me and my last boyfriend either.

The problem I face sometimes is that when we are together he is usually the one talking and it is almost all the time about him. I barely say anything and when I do I don’t feel like he is actually that interested. He interrupts and says things completely off topic. He rarely asks about my life. I’m learning a lot about him, but he’s not learning much about me.

On occasion he mentions his previous girlfriends. He also talks about his really beautiful friends and/or the kind of women he finds attractive. (At really random times which doesn’t bother me as much, as in I don’t get angry, but it does worry me a bit.) And the other thing is, I don’t really know what are we. I would like to call us a couple, but so far he hasn’t introduced me as ‘his girlfriend’ and I have even met his father. (Which he did not introduce to me, but we talked anyways.) During the first time we tried to be more intimate I did ask him if he was serious and he said yes with no pauses, no signs of frustration, just a calm attitude. He also told me why he liked me. (I am his friend and also a pretty gal.)

Do I have any reason to worry? Or am I just being needy/jealous/ partially paranoid due to my past experiences?  I know my own fears might be part of the problem, but I do like him and overall when we are together—even if we are just watching a movie—I am quite happy. But I want us to be closer in a more emotional/mental way as well as the physical.

Thank you very much for the help and I apologize in advance for the trouble.


Dear Sara,

Thanks for your question. This is no trouble at all. That’s what we’re here for.

We can understand why you’re feeling a bit unsure. We’ll try to address each of your concerns one at a time.

1. His interest in you

Sometimes young guys are clueless when it comes to asking questions and engaging in an actual conversation. They can get so wrapped up in their own world that they forget that they’re not necessarily the most fascinating creatures on the planet. We’re sure you don’t find everything he says to be that interesting, and you probably don’t care about half the topics, but you do care about him enough to try to listen and support him when he’s telling you about his life and his interests. This might come naturally to you, but clearly it doesn’t come naturally to him. So you need to gently interject things about you, and steer the topic toward some of the things you want to talk about. If he starts losing attention, or starts to digress or go off-topic,  you need to point this out to him nicely. He probably has no idea he’s doing this. (At least we hope he has no idea.)

2. Sex

There are two relationship stages for guys. Before sex, and after sex. The before sex stage is the fantasy stage. The hunt. A guy will sometimes be extra nice and extra attentive in this stage; not because he’s being manipulative—although that’s possible—but because his hormones are raging out of control. Picture a balloon that’s been blown up until it can’t hold any more air; and then picture it as it’s released into the air. This is how a guy feels when he’s pursuing a woman he’s interested in. This stage could also account for why your guy is nicer to you via text rather than in person. Texting and Facebook messaging fall into the fantasy realm believe it or not. It’s all about being more interested in the chase rather than the actual prize.

After a guy finally manages to have sex with the woman he is pursuing, the haze lifts from his mind and he can finally see clearly for the first time. This is when many women write to us and wonder what happened. They say, “Everything was wonderful until we spent the weekend together. The sex was great, but now he’s distant and he hardly texts me, and he takes forever to get back to me.”

It’s at this stage where a guy will assess and try to understand why he’s feeling differently all of a sudden. Some guys are intuitive enough to understand what’s happening, but many guys—especially younger guys—are so confused that they bail. We can’t say where your guy fits in this equation, but certainly you’ll know much more about his state of mind if/when you have sex.

(However, we are in NO WAY suggesting that you do anything you’re not completely comfortable with. We’re just explaining what’s likely going on for him. No woman, or man for that matter, should have sex with anyone unless they feel it’s the right thing for them.)

3. What are you? A couple?

This is important to figure out before you proceed with your “relationship.” If he’s not introducing you to people as his girlfriend he likely doesn’t see you that way. And this is our biggest concern. Guys generally want to tell EVERYONE about their amazing new girl. Sure, not every guy is like that, but certainly if this guy was serious about you he’d want to let his friends and family know. But to be fair, maybe he’s unsure about where you stand? Have you talked about this at all?

The thing is Sara, without actually talking about this stuff you’re not really going to know where you stand. And maybe this is okay with you for right now, since you’re a bit unsure about him anyway.

4. Our Advice

We suggest you start with trying to get more dialogue and two-way conversations going with him. If he’s receptive to that, maybe he’ll then be receptive to discussing what is actually going on with the two of you. And after that, then you can decide if you want to proceed forward with other aspects of your relationship. (Physical intimacy, etc.)

Hope this helps.


ps. Let your friends know about us.

Some other questions for THE GUYS:

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He speaks in facts, she in emotions; should I break up or do long distance? 

Not over his ex; should I leave now, or give it a chance? 

Booty call or relationship trouble?

Is he too into me?

17 Comments on I’m confused; are we in a relationship?

  1. @Toni….We don’t get the sense this is pure manipulation on his part; we see it more as a young guy loving the IDEA of love, but not really sure what that means. His recent behavior is a clear example of his immaturity. (Trying to sext with his friends around. What is that!?) Have you read some of our posts on long distance relationships? We’ve had a bunch about college long distance. Search on our Ask the Guys page. Anyway, dating long distance through college is a really difficult task. It requires complete devotion and commitment from both parties. Because let’s face it, there are a lot of distractions at school. Parties. Girls. Guys. Study groups. Activities galore. It’s non-stop meeting new people. And frankly, it should be. For both of you. We’re not saying, he shouldn’t be acting better. He should. But we are saying that maybe the two of you should take a break while you’re at your prospective schools. And then if it feels right, come back together in the summer. It feels forced right now, and we don’t blame you for being confused and resentful. That said, we think you need to be taking full advantage of your college experience. Be open to meeting new people while at school. You might be surprised at who you might meet. What do you think? ps. Please share our site with friends. On Facebook, Twitter. We appreciate it. Thanks!

  2. Hi Guys! Here’s an update on my current situation. No contact for 3 weeks, although I saw him Wednesday at our group event. He was cold, at first. A chance meeting as we both came out of our respective rest rooms cause us to HAVE to speak. He spoke first, and I responded with a question about his “vacation break” that he answered. We both continued to walk to our seats. I sat at the opposite end of the table from him, although our mutual friend let him know (before I arrived) that she was saving the seat next to her for me, because I was arriving late. He said “that’s good” when she told him I was coming. I actually had conversations with two “new” guys all night–no flirting, just conversations about the various sporting events happening on the TV monitors around the bar. “He” was watching me from afar–I could see him glance down, every once in a while. Later, I walked to his end of the table to confer on a trivia answer for the game, and he was standing at the table dancing around to the music (he’s a great dancer!) He started to bump on me like he was dancing, and this went on for 5 minutes or so. I thought maybe that was a good icebreaker. Fast forward to the end of the night. He made an obvious gesture to hug a mutual friend before leaving. Where I was sitting, it would have been difficult for him to hug me. As I left, he was walking toward me (to go to his car) and spoke again. He saw another mutual friend and said “Hey, I didn’t get to give you a hug.” He never hugged me. Our friend, who I have found out is good friends with him and he’s told her a bit about what’s going on, said “you freaked him out when he thought you were getting too close too soon.” THAT is what’s caused him to pull away–remember how we were all wondering? So, I’m being the “cool girl” and not initiating anything or giving him “puppy dog eyes” in public. The whole hugging others and not me is one of a few things, in my mind: (a) trying to make me jealous, (b) NOT showing PDA to those he has feelings for but doing it for friends, and/or (c) totally uninterested. I know you’ve said your peace about his not being interested anymore. Do any of these things give you an indication that he could start thinking HE overreacted about me and could consider trying again? By the way, I have another “fish on the stringer” and am making plans to see him in a couple of weeks. Don’t sugar coat–let me know if things seem the same to you. The funny part about all of this is that when I was in college and then got my first teaching job, I was always one of the guys! I was the gal who could talk intelligently about football, who enjoyed attending sporting events and just hanging out, but who was also feminine on the outside and strong on the inside. I wasn’t a threat to them, and they all loved me! If I display that persona again, will it be enough to get me another chance–from a guy’s perspective, of course! Awaiting your response…

  3. @Breezy…….Great to hear from you! You sound pretty upbeat and positive. The main point we stressed was that he wasn’t/isn’t a great match for you. This guy just seems like such a project. Is he interested again you ask? Possibly, but not necessarily in a way that’s going to change everything. Sure, he’s forgotten—or moved past—some of the issues he had. When he saw you he remembered all that he liked about you. That happens a lot, and that’s why ex’s hook up with each other, or even begin FWB arrangements. We wouldn’t doubt if he tried to even contact you, especially since you’re playing it cool now. But we still think the way you view life, and the way he he views life—your approach to life and how you interact with the world—is very different. Yes, people who are different can often complement one another, but we’re not seeing it here. Why don’t you keep being “cool,” check out this other guy/s, and see what happens in the next few weeks. Maybe he’ll contact you, and at that time you can figure out how you feel and what you want to do. But in the meantime, stay the course. You sound good. That’s something to take note of. Like fast food for example. Sometimes it tastes pretty good, but afterwards it inevitably makes you feel like crap. Healthy food may not be as sexy, but it’s good for the body, mind and soul. That may have been a horrible analogy, but hopefully you see our point. Thoughts? ps. We hope you’ve been sharing our site around with people. We’re still waiting for our web team to relaunch the site. Take care.

  4. Hi Guys! I found out why “he” is doing the pull back (or has completely pulled out of the relationship with no hope for my having a second chance). A mutual friend mentioned to me that they are friends on a level that none of our other friends are aware of. It isn’t sexual–he feels very comfortable sharing some things with her. “She” told me the other day that she still thinks he has feelings for me but that “he” mentioned I “freaked him out” by getting too close too soon. Thing is, I’m perfectly content being the “cool girl” that he can hang out with to see if things can evolve. I thought it was all the other crap that was going on–now, I find out it’s the “normal” issue of one person getting too close too soon. So, do I continue on my quest of letting it go? My gut keeps telling me that there’s more to this. I know what you told me, but I just keep getting this nagging feeling, and that’s after I’m already aware that I have a date lined up with another person. I’m not putting all my eggs in “his” basket but just can’t seem to get past this. There has been no contact for 3 weeks, except for our weekly group event. Do men give women another chance at a new relationship, if they see her living her life, not contacting them and hounding them for answers, and realize that maybe they jumped out of the relationship too soon?

  5. @Breezy…..Many guys share similar traits, but in the end, every person is different. So to answer your question: of course it’s possible. It’s just a matter of how much you want to invest in this. (Emotional energy and time.) And, is he the kind of guy you want to have a committed relationship, or are his personality traits going to surface in other aspects of your relationship if it comes to that point? Meaning, does he truly have the capacity to let down his defenses and allow another person in. That’s our main concern. That said, we still believe in going for what you want. (Nothing worse than regret.) And if you have this “nagging feeling” then you should honor that. NO, not by pursuing him, but by keeping yourself open to him. Just be attuned to what your gut is telling you; AND make sure you’re not compromising who you are to be with this man. In the meantime, enjoy your other date, and keep us posted.

  6. Hey guys, I am a 30 y/o female and I am so confused about my relationship with this guy. We have been friends for about 5 years, but had lost contact with each other for about 2 years until this summer (July to be exact) he contacted me out of the blue. We hung out, dinner, movies, downtown, just a lot of fun. I didn’t think anything of it until he told me back in August that he had feelings for me. I was shocked because I had told him that I had feelings for him a long time ago (4 years ago), but he said that he wanted remain friends. So I had left it at that and we remained cool. Now that we are a bit closer I feel he has been kind of standoffish. First he was calling and texting me all the time seeing if I wanted to do something. Wednesdays were suppose to be our movie night and sometimes bowling. Which we haven’t done in like 2 weeks. Last time we hung out was out was Friday Oct 20th. We always have good conversation when we are out as well. Another weird fact about our relationship is we never talk on the phone, and our only contact is when he wants to do something. I admit I don’t call or text him either, but I do want to sometimes, I’m just kind of scared of rejection since he doesn’t put forth the effort either. Last Friday we were suppose to go out, but he didn’t call or text to say that plans changed but I didn’t contact him either. So then I get a text this week saying what am I doing for Halloween, so I say nothing, and he said nothing too. We had a short conversation via text and that was it. I know he has a lot going on his is life like getting this new job he’s wanted, new place, baby mama drama she won’t let him see his son that he’s told me all about. But now I feel dumb letting him in my life and having feeling for him. I don’t know how to relay my feelings to him, b/c I feel some how he might be pushing me away, or don’t feel the same way anymore. Am I being over dramatic? Should I start calling/texting him more? Or just let him contact me? I don’t call or text because I don’t want to seem needy even though I do want to here from him. By the way we haven’t had sex. Just kissed a few times, hugging, holding hands type of affection.

  7. @Chimorena……The question is: What kind of feelings does he actually have for you? Guys don’t typically change their opinions about women. Meaning, if he’s always wanted to just be friends why has he all of a sudden developed feelings for you? Is this for real, or is he just lonely or horny? Because right now, he sure isn’t acting like he’s way into you. Our advice: You keep doing what you’re doing. Or rather not doing. Let him initiate text/phone/contact. He should be pursuing you, and not at the last minute like he’s been doing. Honestly, you need to proceed with caution here. Red-flags are flying based on his behavior. (Being busy is an excuse. And contacting you only when he wants to hang and at the last minute is not good.) Finally: No need to tell him how you feel yet. And we certainly would refrain from any serious physical activity until things have progressed much more in other areas. Does this make sense? Any other questions? Feel free to ask away. And keep us posted. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  8. Thanks guys. Great points and I definitely will follow through with your advice. I think the only reason why he wanted to remain friends at the time because he had a girlfriend which I didn’t know about until later, and because we have been friends so he didn’t want to mess up our friendship. Also you bought up a good point…is he lonely or horny? He did just get out of a relationship like 8 months ago with his child’s mother, so he might feel now he is moving too fast. Even though I’m sort of hurt I will put on a smile and move on if it doesn’t work out. Thanks guys I will keep you posted. 🙂

  9. @Chimorena……Definitely keep us posted and take care.

  10. Hopeless Romantic // February 22, 2013 at 2:14 pm //

    Hello Guys, am I ever glad I stumbled across this site. I’ve been seeing this awesome guy since September/12 and we have an amazing time hanging out. We hang out once or twice max a week. He is extremely difficult to read. We go out and do couple things rarely, probably once or twice a month but the reason being he works a lot and he lives kind of far. When we do go out, he does seem like he is enjoying himself. Some days he’ll tell me he’s not looking for a relationship but other times he’ll show signs of interest or subtly call me his girlfriend. Every time I bring up the issue, he seems kind of annoyed. Some times he’ll answer the question but not completely or he won’t answer it at all and leave me hanging. A lot of the times, his actions don’t meet his words. When he does answer my questions he blames it on:
    – Age, I’m 20 and he’s 30
    – He lives two towns away from me. I’ve been to his place once but never met his family.
    – He lives in a house full of only women he supports and also has a large extended family to take care of or show face to which I completely understand but sometimes though, I feel as if he’s using it as an excuse more than he needs to and/or he’s hiding something more.
    – Cultural/lifestyle/religious differences (I’m East Asian and he’s South Asian) Isn’t love blind? Keep in mind arranged marriages are common in his culture.
    – His job requires him to work a lot of crazy hours and he’s always tired (I don’t blame him because I know he does have a hard job.)
    – He grew up on his own so he finds it difficult to let someone into his heart. He broke up with two ex-girlfriends because they both wanted the same thing as me, commitment.
    We are still seeing each other and I like him a lot. I’m not asking to move in with him or marriage but I hate this feeling of confusion and uncertainty. He says he wants to live day-to-day. Maybe he’s possibly waiting to see what I grow into? The cultural difference is the hardest part I believe but he knows I’m willing to do anything for him. He does go out of his way to help me with things at times like he’d pick me up from school after a long day of work and drop me to work without anything in return, he listens to my problems, etc. He does remember everything I tell him too. Other times I feel he could be lying or untruthful to me about certain things or he contradicts himself a lot but I never confront him about it any further because I don’t want to annoy him. But I shouldn’t have to feel like that! He does admit he still has feelings for his ex of 10 years but he says he has feelings for me as well. He says he doesn’t see his ex anymore but they do text like once a week and I have no choice but to take his word for it. Classic brain tells me to run but heart tells me to hang on situation. I know I’m still young so that’s why I’m not asking for anything more but just for him to sincerely think of me as his girlfriend without me having to bring it up or annoying him! What do you guys think? Should I hang on and see how this plays out. What is he thinking? So lost, help please? Thank you and much appreciated!!! P.S. I’ve already taken in the fact that he could be taking advantage of my young age. I’ve done research on relationships, reading threads on his culture, our age…everything…but I get mixed answers. It’s always 50/50.

  11. @Hopeless Romantic…….Our gut reaction: This is going nowhere. However, it’s hard to say, and either way we wouldn’t want to tell you what to do. But at this point all you reservations seem to be valid. Although you’ve only been together six months, right? That’s not very long to give yourself over to someone new, especially since it’s clear he’s still connected to his ex. We have the same worries you do. You’re a rebound, and he likes that you’re 20 for obvious reasons, but he doesn’t see you as serious relationship potential. If he did, this would be playing out differently. We won’t speculate why he’s not moving this to the next level—you seem to have a good handle on this—but he isn’t. And all the things you mentioned seem to be excuses, especially job, distance and age. (The distance thing is the most ridiculous thing we’ve heard. Two towns over?) So what do you think? One thing you have on your side is time: You’re 20. If you really love this man you could hang for a little bit longer, but you need to start talking with him about all of this. Ignoring things that bother you is no way to be in a relationship. You can gauge much by his reaction to your concerns. If he blows you off, or gets mad, those are red-flags.

  12. Heartbroken // April 29, 2013 at 10:21 am //

    Hi Guys,
    I am a 23 year old female who met this 20 year old guy sometime last year in November AT A CLUB! I never thought I would embark on having a relationship with someone I met at a club. Anyways he got my number and we started talking, soon after we started dating, but never made it official till the end of January the next year. While we were dating we took weekend trips, and went out A LOT and i felt this ultimate connection with him. I feel like I am one to know when to see through lies and I felt I was on alert, but when I did look at him whenever he complimented me, I felt he was being honest and really genuine, i felt he was staring into my soul. First of I am in university studying for my masters degree and he always felt so amazed by that, and how well i carried myself. I was sometimes a bit hesitant because he had never been in an actual relationship, unless you want to count some middle school fling he had when he was 12 or something. I on the other hand I have been in long term relationships, and I pretty much know what i want, but know i have to compromise in order for the relationship, so I felt okay maybe you can be his first love, you can make him want to settle down and show him the “other side” of life. Just the way he looked at me, I felt he put me on this platter of gold, he told me always how amazing i was, how beautiful i was, how lucky he was to have a girl like me. I obviously believed that, every word of it and felt it was not a lie. We had a few issues along the way because he never went to college and didn’t want too, and i tried to make him explore that option, but eventually backed off and accepted him for who he was, he did have a good job at a major newspaper company, and also had a part time job, so he was put together and responsible. So eventually at the end of January after we had made it official, we had sex and we both said we felt extremely connected. it was not just sex to him, he loved to make me comfortable, he always wanted to please me, always. Soon after i told him i loved him and he replied “thank you”, and i was taken aback because i felt he was showing signs of some who was in love, but he said he could not say it, and he did not know why, he even went as far as googling how long it takes for someone to say i love you. He did however tell me he cared deeply for me, he loved being around me always and i was such a special and amazing person to him. I finally let go that someday he would say I love you, I did not want to ruin it or force him to say to me. However i did get frustrated over the fact he could not open up about his emotions and tell me how he felt and what he wanted out of the relationship. He told me he found it hard expressing himself and it had to do with his pride, like a defense mechanism, I tried everything to make him open up to me, and he felt bad because he knew he was hurting me by not opening up his true emotions to me. I did however have some comfort maybe he just did not know how because one time we had a little too much to drink and he went of the tangent telling me to please give him time and have patience with the school issue, and that he will take care of me, and he really does care for me he just does not know how to say it and express it because that’s how he has been all his life, and i felt it was not his fault and i was willing to have patience. Another issue was i mentioned to him i had a plan to get married and by 24-25 and have kids by 25-26 and he said he was nowhere close for that, that he saw himself ready for that by 27 and i would joke around oh you need to put a ring on it sooner than that, but in the end i did tell him i was joking and it was a plan, so things change and it was not a do or die affair, it just was not a deal breaker. Unfortunately i got pregnant and he wanted an abortion, and i was on the fence about it but ended up going through with it, it was such a difficult moment for me and him, i believe i was so spiteful and annoyed with his behaviour, he offered to take time off work to come with me for the procedure but i declined, and he sounded upset but i really was not thinking about how he felt, nothing he did could be right to me at that moment, I guess i wanted him to be more in tune and more emotional but he was not as emotional as i wanted him to be, and i could not understand why especially with what i was going through. he did try his best and try to be there, but i was just not trying to have it at all. we had arguments, and by we i mean me, i usually told him some pretty hurtful things, and he would just take it and apologize and just keep doing that and he would get upset with himself that he was doing this to me, and eventually after i calmed down i would apologize to him and he would say he gets it and i should not even because it was all his fault i felt that way. I recently found out that he spoke to a friend of mine, trying to get help on how to open up to me and ideas of how he could ask me to be his girlfriend again, but in a more romantic way because the first time was just when we were lying down on my bed and he felt i deserved better. He even went as far as thinking of getting me a promise ring with an inscription on it and a poem to follow, but this would not happen because we had a candid conversation and i told him we probably should not be in a relationship, because i felt he just was not pulling his weight and i was doing all these other things to show him i cared soooo much, he agreed that we probably should not be together, like i felt like breaking down especially because i could not sense any emotion in his voice, maybe i expected him to cry or something, i just dont know but it hurt me. My friend who had been chatting with him about getting me a promise ring and stuff tried to get us back together and suggested that this should have been an in person conversation, which he agreed and he came down and thats when i feel like he honestly opened up to me. He said he 50% wanted to be with me, and 50% wanted to be single. because we were both each others firsts and he always fantasized about having a sexual relationship with other girls before he met me and he felt that he should not be having these thoughts still while he was with me and he felt really guilty since i was such an amazing person and he never thought he would be with a girl like me. He felt maybe the fact that his friends were single and did all these things single people do played some part in it but not majority. He also said he truly wants to be in a relationship with me but he needs to figure these things out and get it out of his system, and i was so confused because i asked him if he wanted to be with other girls why did it not matter to him at the beginning and he said he never thought it will get so serious and he was sooo infatuated with me and did not care of those things, then i asked so you are not as much anymore, and he was he still cares deeply for me, but like the honeymoon period passed and how reality set in on him and he does not know how to handle it, and he does not want to cheat on me or not treating me the way i deserve. He told me honestly that maybe it is because summer is almost here and all the things he planned with his friends and stuff is about to come by and he just wants to do all these things. He was like being selfish and honest at the same time he would want to be in a relationship with me and sleep with other girls , and he was being honest with me because he did not want to loose me and he also did not want me to date other guys. Like i am so confused this is a guy who was trying to do all these things to please me, told everyone about me even his family and always wanted to do his best to please me despite his shortcomings and then this happens. He also mentioned how fast everything went and i felt maybe he was overwhelmed especially since this was his first real relationship. I eventually asked so what if you go and do what you need to do to get everything out of your system and figure out what you want, he said he knows the right thing to do will be not to call me to start of the relationship since it will be unfair to me, because he may realize he should have never left, and it was not worth it, but the selfish side of him will still call me up. I still have very strong feelings for him, and i still love him so much, and i just realized i probably love him more than i thought since it hurts sooo much, and he said while he was coming down here to talk to me in person he was going to apologize and say he does not want to be away from me, but he said he said once he saw me looking the way i did, beautiful and all he felt guilty because of the thoughts he had and he hated himself. He also did tell me that other thoughts he had was maybe he would see something nice and think hey i would love this if he bought it for me, but then he would switch up and not want to spend that money and he said he felt he was being selfish about that, or maybe when it was time for him to commute to come see me which is about 2hours he hated it, especially since he hated travelling on the bus for so long, and he felt not being happy about making the journey was not right, he felt he should not be having thoughts like that, because eventually when he was with me, he was super happy and he loved being there, I am just sooo confused about what is going on there, i told him i felt he just used me for sex and he said that was never the case, that he just does not want to hurt me and he wants to figure out what he wants so he can be a better person to me if we eventually got back together. I feel so stupid saying this because in a way i feel he does want to be with me, but he wants to just test the waters so that he can be like yeah i did that and get it over with, but then i feel so bad because he always put it to me that i was enough for him. In the end he was still asking me to please let him know how my exams went, and if i ever needed to talk to him that i should please call him, my friend mentioned how he was still interested in knowing how i was doing and how he wanted my friend to let him know from time to time. PLEASE help me i am lost and confused and i dont know how to move on because i developed such a strong bond with this guy, but what bugs me was when he mentioned the saying ” you dont know what you have till you loose it” and he said maybe he will understand more what he had with me if he left, PLEASE help me understand all this, thanks guys!!

  13. Heartbroken // April 29, 2013 at 10:25 am //

    Sorry guys i also forgot to mention, when we did meet up, his body language was not of someone who was not in tune. He was so interested in hearing everything i said, leaning in and trying to listening attentively and agreeing with me, and he always touched me in some way and in the end we ended up having sex, and I feel horrible for not feeling horrible about that.

  14. @Heartbroken……Please consolidate this for us. We’re sorry, but it’s too long. Can you give us bullet points? Example: 1. I’m 23, dated a 20 year old I met in a club. 2. After a courtship where he made me feel special we became exclusive. 3. Then we had sex. 4. Etc. Thanks.

  15. charlie // July 30, 2013 at 5:35 am //

    Hi guys!
    um this is all new so I’m 24 and the guy I’m dating is 25. We been talking for 4 months and meet up once a week. We text every other day for hours. Now we both agreed to take things slow and see were it goes.
    As my previous relationship didn’t go well with the guy beating me up cause he didn’t get what he wanted. I vowed to new fall again for a guy and looked away my feelings.
    But since meeting him everything has changed!
    We kissed, French kissed, hugged and cuddled. Even touched each other over the clothing. but the thing us I’m falling for him and don’t know of he likes me back.
    He meet my patients but I haven’t meet his he won’t kiss or hold hands with in public. But I don’t mind that he hasn’t tried to have sex with me. Although I don’t plan in doing that until I know where we stand.
    so please what do you think?
    Many thanks!

  16. charlie // July 30, 2013 at 5:46 am //

    Opps sorry. I ment that the hole holding hands and kissing in public I don’t mind. But having not met gone to his house once well he’s Ben to mine three times. Anyways this is my first proper dating experice. So please I don’t want to mess things up.

  17. @Charlie……All we can say is, don’t have sex until you’ve hard some sort of discussion about what’s going on. Are you in an exclusive relationship? What is it? A lot of women make the mistake of having sex with a guy assuming that they’re a couple, and they’re actually not. That’s about all we can say. You’re just going to have to see how this unfolds. Good luck and have fun.

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