Readers: Check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page and read the latest contribution from Charlotte Pescale “Rebecca, a memoir.”
I have a first-date question… This is kind of similar to another question you just answered actually… but I still want your opinion lol. I met a guy really randomly a few weeks back— I was lost and asked him for directions, and we got to chatting briefly and we suggested going for coffee or drinks sometime and exchanged numbers. After that we texted pretty frequently. We did finally meet up last week —I think we were both a little drained. He was preparing for a conference that he was going away for this past weekend and I had a pretty busy day as well.
But the date went pretty well. (At least I think it did.) I was a bit nervous but I didn’t feel that “omg I need to get out of here” kind of feeling I’ve had on other dates! And I did notice subtle body language on his part that usually shows interest, like mimicking my own hand gestures, brushing my hand and that sort of thing. He was very attentive to what I was saying and I was attentive to what he was saying. But I was also nervous and when I’m nervous a part of me can err a little more to the stand-offish side rather than flirtatious.
At the end of the night (we hung out for at least three hours) he did walk me home but instead of trying to kiss me he gave me a friendly hug – but it was the one-arm hug! (The same hug we gave each other when we met up at the beginning of the night.) And when we said bye he said he’d let me know how his conference goes.
I was kind of confused because I thought the date went well and I didn’t pick up on any “he’s not interested” vibes so I was a little thrown off that he just said he’d let me know how it goes and not make even tentative plans for another date. I texted him the next day to say have a good weekend (conference was out of town) and he should’ve been back by tonight and I haven’t heard from him.
Usually if I don’t think a date went well I just walk away and say too bad, but he’s honestly the best guy I have met in a looooonng time and I’m reluctant to just walk away because I think I might have given off the “not-interested” vibes without meaning to. I figure he’s back in town now and I am not sure if I should text him asking him how it went? I don’t like initiating contact two times in a row but I’m wondering that if I did give off the wrong impression maybe that’s why he’s gone off the radar. But if I text him tomorrow or something asking him how it went would that just be really weird or would that maybe encourage him to at least talk to me again?? I can’t bring myself to totally walk away this time around but I also want to maintain some sort of dignity lol.
Ahh the ambiguity of the “one arm hug.” How wonderful. (We’re being sarcastic)
So we see your dilemma. Kind of. You see Michelle, if he has any sort of self-confidence, your “not interested” vibe would not be enough to dissuade him from getting back in touch with you. It’s not like you were acting that way when you first met him. You were actually out on a date, which means he must surmise that you were—or are—interested in him enough to spend more time with him than you actually needed to.
So we still think you need to let him take the initiative here. If he doesn’t get in touch with you in a week or so, feel free to text him then. But if we were in this situation, and we met a girl like you who we really liked, we’d definitely be looking forward to seeing you again. And we’d be contacting you as soon as we felt we could, especially being emboldened by your follow up text.
Be patient on this one. You don’t need to let it die, but you also don’t need to breathe life into it. It’s either going to happen or it’s not. And if he can’t see what’s in front of him, well then that’s his problem. Wait and week and then go from there.
We’re hoping this works out for you.
ps. Feel free to ask us a follow question. Say hi to your friends up there in Canada. And check out our new “Relationship Memoirs” page. You might enjoy the latest contributions from Charlotte Pescale. “Rebecca, a memoir”