An Excerpt from our upcoming e-book…..
Let’s start with a hypothetical question:
What’s it called when your boyfriend cuddles with you, holds your hand, kisses you tenderly, listens to you talk about your work, plays video games with your kid brother, compliments your dad’s cooking, talks politics with your mom and charms your friends with his humor?
Depending on the context this could just as easily be called love, as it could be called FOREPLAY. Which brings us back to the title of this chapter: Context is Everything
These behaviors within the context of a committed relationship are part of a bigger picture with deeper emotional connections built over time, through shared values, respect, trust and love. Physical intimacy is a guy’s way of connecting with someone he loves, but only within the context of a committed relationship.
These behaviors outside the parameters of a committed relationship are all about sex, and usually devolve into what we call “arrangements” rather than relationships. These arrangements have different names that you’re probably familiar with. FWB (Friends with Benefits), Booty Call, F-Buddies, Hook Ups.
For example: If you’re in a purely physical arrangement, proposed by your guy, let’s say a Friends with Benefits situation, and you’re wondering if he’s catching feelings for you because all of a sudden he’s cuddling with you, or going out with your friends, you need to revisit this statement. Context is Everything. If he wanted more than a purely physical relationship he would have proposed it from the get go. We know this can be very confusing and this is one of the most frequently asked questions on our site. “Will my Friends with Benefits “relationship” ever evolve into something more meaningful? To that we say, sure, it’s possible, but it rarely happens. Most of the time it ends up crashing and burning into a heap of confusion, anger and resentment.
Why does this happen? Can’t a man fall in love slowly over time? Yes, some men can, but for most, the answer is NO. Why? Because for the typical guy, assessment happens the moment he meets a woman. Right from the start he’s compartmentalizing her into one of five categories. Maybe this seems shallow and base, but primal instincts take over in the oh-so-important game of passing on the blood line.
Next: The Five Categories….
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