I am a girl who is afraid to “put my guard down.” Even though you guys really say men are simple, they really aren’t. I am afraid to give my all in a relationship. Reason being is all men check out other women, fantasize about them, and so on and so forth. Not only that, but men NEED sex. Which even though I give my man sex (since I love it just as much as him) I’m scared he will get tired of doing it just with me and cheat. He claims to really love me and after two years of dating the connection is still there but I can’t truly believe him. He says I’m the best he’s ever had but in my head I’m thinking that if somebody better comes along, I’m history.
So I want to know two things: Will a man eventually get tired of having sex with the same woman? Or does a man actually have the potential to love like you see in romance movies?
Thanks for your question. We understand your concern.
It’s not just men who stray because of boredom. Sex can get stale for both people in a relationship. In fact it’s very natural after a year or so, for what at first was amazing and mind-blowing, to become ordinary and routine. Effort is required from both sides to sustain an exciting sex life. We’ve also heard the same complaint from women: That they’re sick of the ‘same old thing.’ And the point we’re getting at is, if you’re relying on keeping this guy interested based on amazing sex you’re doomed to fail.
You’re right when you say guys check out other women constantly. Yes they do; it’s in the wiring. But remember that checking out other women shouldn’t be threatening as long as it’s done discreetly and respectfully. And checking out other woman doesn’t automatically lead to cheating. In fact it’s good that your guy is open about it. If he was trying to hide his “interest” in other women, then you’d have a reason to be concerned. We’d suggest not trying to suppress his need to do this, as long as he not trying to move his fantasies to the real world. And you know, you might see other men you find attractive; why not share this with him as well so he sees that it can work both ways?
So Missy, so why are you so guarded? Have you been hurt before, or been let down in previous relationships? If so, that can seriously impact your ability to trust. But those feelings stem from you; don’t project those feelings onto someone else. If he hasn’t done anything but be a loyal boyfriend you shouldn’t assume the worst, unless he’s given you reason to not trust him. Has he?
Men are not so different than women. Maybe the pull to have sex with lots of women is there, but for many guys, the pull of a family, and a loving relationship with a woman they can trust, love, laugh with, and grow old with, is also there, and we think that pull is strong enough to prevent most guys from throwing it away with a silly affair that’s only about sex.
Part of this Missy is about you not feeling confident enough that someone could possibly love you for the long term. This is less about your guy straying and more about what you’re feeling internally. We think that’s worth exploring, to see why you’re feeling insecure. Obviously he adores you, so be confident that he will continue to.
As far as the movies, well, don’t believe what you see in the movies. None of that is real. Because relationships are messy and complicated, because humans are messy and complicated. And when have you ever wanted to kiss your boyfriend first thing in the morning when he has “dragon breath?” (We’ve always wondered that about the movies.)
In the meantime, give your guy the benefit of the doubt until he proves that he’s not to be trusted.
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