Is he playing me?

Hi Guys,

So there this older guy who I met when I was a teenager. We met in high school and I fell in love with him at first sight. About one month after we started talking and seeing each other at school, I finally went to his house and he took my virginity.

After that we cuddled, watched TV every time after we had sex. I noticed that we never went out to eat or to the movies or anything. So, I asked him why? He responded by saying that I was too young, immature, and I needed to change. I 100% agreed that I was childish and needed to change. I then became annoying to him and I was so angry that he didn’t want me anymore. He said he only wanted sex from me but I begged him to take me back and he did. I kept being immature, childish around him. I mean he gave me chances to act right but I just couldn’t be mature. I don’t know why.

So, today I’m a mature 18 year-old he is 22. We’ve been hooking up for about three years now and I’m still in love with him. I tell him all the time but he doesn’t believe me. I don’t know how to show him I’m sorry for being so immature and messing up after getting so many chances. I ask him can I be his girlfriend. He says when you turn 20.

Sometimes he says he has a girlfriend already but I think he says that to get me jealous and make me feel guilty for what I did before. He gives me mixed signals all the time and I’m so confused about how he feels. Does he like me or not?

He gets mad when I wear makeup, wear dresses, talk on my phone, talk to other guys in front of him, or when guys look at me. The last thing he said to me that shocked me when I gave him advice on something. He said, “You make me feel like a man.” Then he changed the conversation like he always does when he gets close to me. I’m so confused.


PLease help,

Name Withheld

Dear NW, 

We understand you really like this young man but we don’t think you’re seeing the situation clearly. What we’re going to say may be tough for you to read, but know that we’re truly trying to look out for your best interests. If we didn’t think you needed to hear what we’re about to say, we wouldn’t say it.

After reading your letter, we felt the facts are a bit twisted and need to be untangled to get to the truth. You wonder why you couldn’t be more mature three years ago? Maybe it’s because you were 15 years old, and you were with a guy—who by the way, shouldn’t be with a 15 year-old because, oh, that’s right, he’s not supposed to be—who was messing with your mind. Of course you acted the way you acted. Most people in your situation would. Maybe he didn’t want to mess with your mind, and maybe he was trying to tell you that you shouldn’t be with him, but he still let you believe that the reason he didn’t love you was because you were too immature. Really? Do you truly believe that’s the reason? Has anything changed now? And do you really think it’s going to change in two years when you’re 20? Please give this some serious thought.

Keep in mind, even though he didn’t love you, and thought you were too immature for him, that didn’t prevent him from having sex with you. So what does that say to you? We can tell you, that if he wanted a relationship with you he would have already asked you to be his girl. That’s how guys work. Guys decide pretty early on where a girl/woman falls in the spectrum. (Relationship, Hook Up, FWB, Friend) He sees you as a girl he hooks up with. Are you okay with that?

You asked us to tell you how to get him. But maybe you should be asking how to remove yourself from the situation. Because frankly, this situation is not helping you mature. It’s doing the opposite. You’re stuck emotionally, you’re stuck developmentally, you’re stuck completely. Maybe you’ve matured, but not in this relationship; you’re still seeing this situation with a 15 year-old heart and mind. He knows this and is not only okay with it, but is using it to his advantage because it works great for him since he’s getting his needs met. Understand that it’s in his best interest to keep things just as they are, which is why he gets mad when you dress up or talk to other guys. He’s got a good thing going. He doesn’t want that to change or have you start seeing someone else.

Look (NW), this is about self-respect. You deserve better than this. But you have to believe it and decide to do something about it. From what you say, there are plenty of other guys who are interested in you and who might think that they are a lucky guy to be able to have you as their girlfriend. Wouldn’t that be nice?

We’re sorry we weren’t more upbeat about your situation, but hopefully we gave you some things to think about. There’s a big world out there full of possibilities. It might be time to check it out.

All the best,


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2 Comments on Is he playing me?

  1. Stephanie // April 2, 2016 at 12:53 am //

    Thank you so much for your help. I will take your response serious. You gave me a better view of everything now

  2. @Stephanie……You’re welcome. We wish you all the best.

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