I’m in a long distance relationship (over a year) and my boyfriend goes out to the bars and adds women he just meets to his social media. That bugs me that it happens every time he goes out. What I’m more concerned is that he messages with them. Is that normal behavior? I am new to the social media dating thing. (I was married) I guess I don’t understand why he would need to stay in touch with random women he just met. I need some advice.
New to Social Media
Dear New to Social Media,
We understand that you’re new to the modern dating scene but traditional values still prevail. Meaning, what was inappropriate 20 years ago is still inappropriate, even if the way in which it’s done may look different.
We’re not trying to be cryptic, we’re just saying, trust your gut. What do you think is going on? Obviously, his behavior is making you uncomfortable, and from what you’re telling us, we don’t blame you. Social media makes it easy for men AND women to hide inappropriate behavior in the guise of friendly chatting. But think about it. He’s going out to the bars, he’s exchanging information with women who are not his girlfriend, then he’s taking that information home, adding information to his “little black book” (social media) and then flirting and putting out feelers. We know the confusing part is that he’s not hiding his behavior, which could make it seem more innocent. But this is only the behavior you’re aware of. We’re not saying he’s cheating, but we’re not saying he’s not. Whatever it is, we don’t think it’s respectful to you.
What should you do?
The thing is, whether he believes his behavior is innocent or not, the fact is, it makes you uncomfortable, and that alone should be enough for him to reconsider his actions. The fact that he’s not doing that, is as big a red-flag to us as his actual behavior. It might be time for a heart-to-heart conversation. You two need to work this out somehow.
Finally, long-distance relationships are not easy. They require even more vigilance than the “typical” relationship. And these types of issues arise more often in long-distance relationships because of all the freedom each person has. But the bottom line is still the same: When each person is out in the world, they should be asking some important questions.. 1. Would (name here) be okay with my behavior? 2. Am I being respectful to my relationship? 3. Would I be okay if (he/she) was doing this same thing?
You see, your partner should have your back when they’re out in the world. You need to ask yourself if you think he does.
All the best,
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