Loss of Freedom; the Unexpected Breakup

Read the previous articles to catch up: 

Intimacy and Sex: Context is Everything

How Guys Compartmentalize Women

She Doesn’t Exist


Loss of Freedom

Guys are not completely shallow though. They do want what women want. Loving, committed relationships. They just have a more difficult time coming to grips with what it means to be monogamous and committed. Many view committed relationships in terms of what they have to give up, rather than what they have to gain. Until they make that switch in their brains they have a difficult time committing to one woman.

What do they believe they are losing by being in a relationship?

A sense of freedom. Freedom to be selfish. Make their own choices. Come and go as they please. Ultimately this means, the freedom to be with other women.

When a guy tells a woman, “I’m not ready to commit. I want to travel. See the world. Get my career off the ground. Whatever other excuse” all he’s really saying is: I don’t want to give up my freedom. At least not now. And not for you. What a woman has to decipher is: Would he be willing to give up his freedom for another woman?

And therein lies the million dollar question. Is he using his need for exploration and freedom as an excuse because he’s not that into you, or is he truly not ready to be in a committed, loving relationship?

Since we’re not mind-readers, we can’t answer that question. The answer lies within the mind of your man. If you want answers, you need to seek out the source and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. After you do this, you then have to decide if you believe him. This is why trust is so important in a relationship. Without it, it’s hard to know what to believe. It’s hard to feel secure, wondering what he’s up to, what he’s thinking.

The unexpected breakup:

But what happens when he sticks around for a time, and you think things couldn’t be more perfect, and then he breaks up out of the blue and you’re devastated and left wondering what the heck happened?

See the three most common answers on our next post. The Unexpected Breakup



4 Comments on Loss of Freedom; the Unexpected Breakup

  1. Hi
    I dated a guy John whom had four kids I met online for a year but textd him off&on for a year before. He wanted to date me because I had a grown kid and he liked my profile. Right?!. I was seeing someone already at the time but he insisted to see me but I couldn’t.So, I broke it off with the guy I was seeing after a year because he was seeing someone while with me yuck. A month plus went by and I textd John. He wanted to meet me for the 1st time. So, we set a date and place to meet. McDonalds was the place with coffee-he was nice very playful.
    Then, we departed and went our ways. He textd later and said we should meet at his place another time. I agreed. We met again conneted and we both textd everyday for a year plus. He introduced his kids to me which were cute beauties full of energy at my work place. I only got to see John once or twice a week because we both worked and lived a distance apart. Two months ago after our birthdays I told him I cannot do this and a’int coming back. He wanted me to wait 13 years for him after his last baby turns 18. I told him no. He wanted me to be his marathon taining partner and idk BC lol.I lost interest for he sent me pics of 8th grade girls from his class on an excursion and women at the beach. He later texted me couple times after and stopped. So, I stopped.
    Is it worth being friends or no friends? I textd him about Island disasters and a recent Marathon I did which he is very supportive. I feel so much at peace mentally/sexually not seeing him and texting Thank you..

  2. @Corina…..So are you saying that you’re much happier NOT seeing him? If that’s the case, we’re not sure what your question is exactly. Are you asking if you should remain “texting friends” with him for the next 13 years just in case you change your mind or don’t have anyone else at that time? Question: Did you enjoy being with him? Did you enjoy conversations? Sex? Hanging out? Etc.

  3. Hi Eric
    Thankx yes I am happier not being around him even though he was nice to be with. Everything was great.Yes my question- is it worth having him as a text friend? I know what to do move on theres plenty beautiful real single men out here with no responsiblility. I am in no rush to date anyone or him again. I can wait for Mr. Right. Its just I wanted to get a second opinion from this site.
    Thanx for your advice/time.;)

  4. @Corina…….If you think you can enjoy a text friendship with him without it emotionally constricting you, and without it keeping you stuck in a holding pattern, then go for it. However, if you feel a text relationship will close you off to other possibilities, then don’t. Your call of course. Hope this helps. ps. Check out our short e-reports on the seven most frequently asked questions and please spread the word about our site. Thanks!

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