We read in a book somewhere that a person’s walk is the most distinguishable characteristic they have, even surpassing their face as the best way to identify them. We put it to the test and it’s absolutely true.
(This is a hypothetical “us”)
Us: Is that you Amanda?
Her: No, I’m Kelly.
Us: Really? You look just like Amanda?
Her: Well, I’m not.
Us: Well, just to be sure, could you walk a few steps so we can take a look?
Her: (Slaps us!)
Us: Ouch! What did you do that for?
Her: Get lost creep!
Us: OK, bye Amanda….uh… Kelly.
Maybe not the best method. It’s probably never a good idea to ask a women to take a stroll, so you can check out her backside….uh, we mean walk.
Guys are mesmerized by the way a woman moves. It might be the subtle brush of her hair as she turns her head and smiles shyly. It might be how she shifts her weight from side to side as she sips a drink, surveying a room. But most often it’s the way she walks that has our heads spinning.
Anytime a woman enters our line of vision no matter where we are, our first instinct is to stare. It’s true, even if we try so hard not to. It’s a reflex, like an automatic door that must open if someone walks up to it. Tact, subtlety and dignity are abandoned and we forget ourselves completely!
Then we say stupid shit like:
“You are so fine”
The simple way a woman walks rattles our brain so completely that we lose whatever trace of intelligent vernacular and social etiquette we ever learned, replaced by grunts and other nonsensical utterances. Quite simply we become Cave Men.
Now imagine us at a dance club. Yikes!
Drinks and dancing are not the best combination for us. Seeing women moving on the dance floor sets our neurons into a complete frenzy. Talk about heightened senses! Every cell in our body is humming and vibrating, and it’s deafening and maddening and very difficult to control. How else do we account for our behavior when we approach a group of women on the dance floor?
The Dance Floor Scenario
A group of women is having a great time at a club, dancing, laughing and just enjoying themselves. Then some drunk fool(One of us) approaches and starts “dancing” with them. At least he thinks he’s dancing with them. Does he ask to join in? NO!! He just starts dancing nearby, doing some very strange gyrations and smiling with that wide eyed goofy grin. (You know the kind)
At first the women think it’s mildly amusing. OK, not really. Mostly they are annoyed that this guy is crashing their party. And he’s not even that cute. And his dancing?? If you could call it that. He looks more like he’s about to give birth.
Meanwhile his friends who are too chicken to approach are waiting to see what happens. They’re hoping they’ll be able to swoop in once their buddy breaks the ice. Or more likely breaks his face.
Pretty soon, the drunk dancer guy changes things up and tries to do some sort of sexy moves with his hips. The women shout, “Oh no, he’s about to give birth! Someone catch the baby!” But then no baby comes out. And instead he starts trying to saddle up behind the closest woman like a dog in heat.
Now the women are just grossed out, and start moving to the other end of the dance floor. But he follows, like a sheep dog herding his flock. Then all of a sudden his friends descend upon the floor, thinking this is their moment! “OMG” the women say, “Get us out of here!” And they grab their bags and bolt, running in heels and skirts faster than any person ever thought possible! Another night of fun ruined.
How do we account for our COMPLETE misinterpretation of a woman’s body language!!?? We don’t. We have no idea what came over us. We were asleep in some trance, controlled by some puppeteer with a sick sense of humor. When we finally wake up we say, “Where are we? How did we get on the dance floor? We don’t even like to dance!”
Yes we love women for their intelligence, savvy, kindness and all the other things we’re supposed to say.
But really, the way you move means, you had us long before, “Hello.”
Do you have any dance floor stories to share? Men and women??
For the men: Any other thoughts about the way women move?
For the women: What moves do guys have that might “paralyze” you?