New Guy Pays for Everything

Dear Guys,

I just started dating a new man two weeks ago. After the first date he sent flowers to my work. I thought it was sweet but was a little freaked out. I’m not used to being courted and have NEVER received flowers. (I’m 31) He just offered to pay for my hair appointment, my nail appointment, and to take me on a mini vacation to the beach. I’m not used to this. I’d like to accept as I feel that saying no would be rude. But I also don’t want to accept if it seems like some sort of ploy. But he is a really nice guy and I think he might just be trying to make me happy. I’ve told him that those things aren’t important and that I think money is stupid. (That’s true, I hate money)

My question: Is it normal for a guy to offer to pay for all of this stuff? He has a good job and I’m not sure how much he makes, not my business, but I don’t want him to feel obligated. Maybe he is just trying to impress. He hasn’t had a girlfriend for a while and seems like a really nice, genuine, good-old southern boy.


Dear Erin,

What you’re describing is a nice contrast from some of the other questions we’ve received in the past. Examples: Why does my guy always forgets his wallet? He says he’s broke and doesn’t want to go out; what is that about? I don’t care about money, but why doesn’t my date ever offer to pay? Who’s supposed to pay on the first date? And on and on and on.

Your new guy definitely seems kind and generous, and sending flowers is a nice gesture. (You deserve to be courted.) However, he’s going way overboard, to the point where it almost feels like he’s trying to exert some sort of control, maybe without even realizing it. Clearly he’s excited about dating you. Perhaps he even feels you’re a bit out of his league. This could be his way of showing you both, that he’s really into you, and that he’s worthy of your time.

We like the fact that he’s an old-fashioned guy and wants to pay for your dates. And we see no issue with him paying for a mini-vacation to the beach, if you’re okay going with him, and especially if he suggested it. However, he should NOT be paying for your hair appointments and personal items that you’ve had no trouble paying for yourself up til now. We suggest you politely decline those offers. He needs to know that you’re an independent woman and that he doesn’t need to impress you in that way.

We suggest you talk to him and tell him that you think it’s sweet that he wants to pay for everything, but that you have your own money and want to pay for your own personal things, things you’ve always paid for yourself. He may be a little taken aback, but we’re sure you can figure out a way to say it where he’s only slightly bruised, not battered.

Overall, it sounds fun. Enjoy!


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!


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