Recently, I was visiting one of my friends a few states away for a couple weeks and while I was there I was introduced to a guy, “Charlie,” who is good friends with the family I was visiting (I’m 18, he’s 22). We didn’t really hit it off at first and would argue and bicker. I heard him say that he never wanted to get married, have kids, or even be in a relationship. But after getting to know each other a little better, we started getting along, and even flirting. In talking with him he told me about his parents’ divorce, his rocky relationship with his mom, etc. I felt like we had a really good connection and so did my friend’s mom. (She said he hardly ever opens up to anybody).
So I have a major crush on this guy because I really felt like I could be myself with him and, to be honest, was flattered that he opened up to me. (Plus he’s very good looking). Although he never told me himself, but a few of our mutual friends said that he really liked me. And I thought this might have been true because of a few things he said. For example: I was trying on a ring that was too small (stupid idea!) and it got stuck on my ring finger. So I kept getting asked if I was engaged, etc. Someone asked me if I was married—in front of Charlie—and he put his arm around me and said that we were. (Jokingly, of course). He would also sit really close to me whenever we were watching movies, etc. And he got his phone fixed (which it hadn’t been for months) the week I left (coincidence? I don’t know….). And was a little upset when he found out I don’t have a cell.
But we aren’t keeping in touch now that I’m back home. I didn’t really expect that we would considering he’s not a chatty keep in touch kind of person. Anyways, I have a few questions for you regarding this and guys in general.
Question 1: I am seeing him again in a few months when I go back down to visit my friend. I would really like to continue at least a friendship at this point. How hard is it for a guy with this kind of background (divorce, no relationship with his mom) to be in a relationship with a girl? Is there anything I should avoid saying?
Question 2: Do guys like girls who are tall (I’m 5′ 11″)?
Question 3: Do guys like girls who are educated? I’m almost done with college and sometimes I feel like it might be a little intimidating.
I think that’s it for now… Hopefully this isn’t too confusing. I LOVE your advice! It’s always so spot on. Thank you in advance (=
Thanks for your question. Here are our answers to your particular questions.
Question 1: You should be yourself. That’s always the most attractive quality in any person. And you seem like a pretty intuitive person, so if you bring up something that changes the tone of the conversation or makes him feel uncomfortable just casually change the subject. Just because he comes from a family of divorce doesn’t mean he’s incapable of having a happy marriage. Sure it’s going to color his view on marriage and make him a bit skeptical or wary, but if he’s smart, he’ll realize he’s in charge of his own destiny. The same holds true for his relationship with his mother. We don’t know why he doesn’t communicate with her, but it’s likely he blames her for the divorce. Once again, that doesn’t mean he will blame you for any problems you might have if you do begin a relationship. People are absolutely shaped by their environment, but they are still individuals. And it’s what people choose to do with their experiences that really tells you what kind of person they are. Some people make excuses their whole lives for why they aren’t able to do this or that, and others face their demons/challenges/whatever and try to overcome them. (We realize there are many degrees to this, but we’re just saying.)
Question 2: It’s not about height. Sure, some tall women might be intimidating to some guys, but for the confident guy it’s no big deal. And frankly, some guys LOVE taller women. For most guys it’s a matter of proportions. Is everything kind of in the “right” place? (This varies with each person of course.) And we use quotes for “right” because every shape and size is beautiful to some guy.
Question 3: If he’s intimidated by your education then he’s not right for you. (We’re assuming he isn’t college educated.) Once again, be yourself. Whoever you’re in a relationship with should love the fact that you’re smart and educated, as long as you don’t lord it over them, which we know you won’t. But don’t dumb yourself down to make some insecure guy feel better. That’s not the way to go, and if you do that, eventually you’ll be resentful. And you also don’t want some guy holding you back with your career. (If that’s what you want.)
To sum up: You want a guy who is supportive, accepting, loving, kind, honest, and solid. And if he’s good looking too, that’s icing on the cake!
Good luck and keep us posted.
ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!
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