I met a man online. We are both in our forties. I was pleasantly surprised he lived about five minutes from me. It started off with some really good dates and after a month became intimate. He was very nice. We were having fun getting to know one another. Then I found out he isn’t divorced just separated. I was a little mad. Not typically the guy I would date.
We continued the relationship and he said his house was mine and even mentioned at one point I could have my own drawer. But we agreed it was a tad too soon. Then he took a new job about two hrs away. I discussed how this was going to work. He said he is used to a commute and would be home about four nights a week.
I can see that he’s still online searching for women. So almost two months went by and he slowly stopped texting unless he was coming home. But when he was away, basically no calls and no texts. Then it was down to seeing him once a week. That just didn’t fly with me. I wanted more than that, so I ended it. I said I was looking for more. He never answered. It’s been a week and I feel bad. I sorta miss him although his effort had become nothing.
What happened here? Is he mad at me? Did he ever care? He still is online and dating and I can see we just aren’t on the same page. But I miss him and it bothers me he never replied. I wanted to stay friends. Any ideas or advice I would love to hear.
It’s hard when you see potential for a relationship to grow and the other person doesn’t. The truth is, this man is nowhere near ready for anything other than a very casual arrangement. We agree that he could have bee more considerate of your feelings and at least responded to you, but unfortunately he was not invested enough emotionally to put forth the effort.
Based on how you describe the situation, yes, he did care for you. But remember, “cared for” is all relative. Yes he cared in the sense that you were someone fun for him to hang out with. Yes, he cared because the two of you were intimate. (We’re assuming) But more likely, he wanted to care more than he did. Meaning, he probably got caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, only to realize that he was a bit over his head. So instead of talking to you about it, he slowly pulled back and stopped communicating, forcing your hand.
We don’t see a friendship playing out here. Your best bet is to cut ties and move on and try to find someone who is more open to a potential long-term relationship, rather than a recently separated guy, or even a newly divorced guy.
We are sorry. We can see why you’d be frustrated and hurt. He’s in the “making up for lost time” stage and that’s a dead-end for any woman looking to get a bit more serious.
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