My boyfriend went to Vegas almost 2 months ago and he left with my full trust. When he came back he wouldn’t show me the pictures he took there which was odd because he would always show me pictures of his trips. I thought he was hiding something from me so when I got a hold of the pictures, I found one of him and his very good friend, which is a girl, sleeping in the same bed. I knew someone was gonna sleep next to him but I didn’t expect them to be cuddling. I confronted him about the picture and he said they had passed out but I don’t think that’s an excuse to be cuddling like that. I feel like he likes her even though he tells me they are just friends and have been for 5 yrs. But I can’t get past the picture and how flirty they act around each other. So is it possible that he has a thing for her but won’t admit it or that he really isn’t into her?
Thanks for writing. Obviously you read last week’s post about friendships with people of the opposite sex. And while we wholeheartedly feel that this type of relationship is possible, your situation is a bit different.
Men and women can absolutely be friends, but if either one of them is in a committed relationship the rules change a bit. This would mean absolutely no trips together, and especially to Vegas. That’s your first red flag. Why weren’t you invited? And why did he think it was okay to take a trip and sleep in the same bed with this so called friend? Whether he did anything or not is almost irrelevant. It’s an odd, but telling choice by him.
Friendships shouldn’t impinge upon the emotional connection a person has with his or her partner. And if your boyfriend is leaning on his “friend” to provide him with this type of emotional connection, he must not be getting it from you. Or maybe he feels like he can be more himself and that’s why he likes hanging out with her? Whatever the case may be, we feel his behavior and this relationship is inappropriate while he’s in a relationship with you.
So now you have to figure out what you’re going to do. The first question you need to ask is, “Will you be able to truly trust him again?”
If the answer is no, then you have your answer. Time to move on.
If the answer is yes, then you have to ask yourself some other questions.
“Am I okay with him being friends with this woman or any other woman?”
“Am I willing to have a serious talk with him to talk about boundaries?”
“Am I willing to voice my feelings before any situation escalates out of control?”
“Am I truly happy, or am I settling for a guy and a situation I’m not completely comfortable with?”
“Why am I allowing this guy to behave however he wants?”
We don’t like to actually tell you what to do, but you have every right to feel concerned, suspicious and upset. The fact that he didn’t want to show you the pictures should tell you something. And he shouldn’t be sleeping with or cuddling with anyone else. Of course you probably shouldn’t have looked at the pictures without his permission, but that’s moot now. The bottom line is, he behaved inappropriately and frankly we wouldn’t be comfortable in this type of relationship. He’s certainly proven himself to be untrustworthy, and is clearly not telling you the whole story.
So yes it’s possible he’s into this girl, but if it’s not her it could be someone else. The biggest issue is his behavior in a committed relationship. Clearly he doesn’t view your relationship as seriously as you do.
Good luck sorting this out. And please check back and read the comments for more opinions. And believe us, you’ll get some!