Relationship Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Getting Played-Trust your Gut


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Read the script:

We get lots of questions each week on our website. We answer them on the Ask the Guys page, on our podcast, The Guy’s Perspective Podcast on itunes, and soon to be on videos. One of the main questions we get is, “am I getting played?”

Our basic rule is, If you think you’re getting played, it’s likely you’re getting played…….

We believe you need to listen to your gut. It’s telling you something, like it does after you pig out on ice cream and truffles waiting for him to call. He doesn’t call. Unfortunately, he’s out with the cute twins down the street. But those five scoops of double fudge chocolate do taste pretty good going down, but not so good after the hours at the gym required to restore your natural order, although it is nice to catch up on those daytime soaps you missed.

If you’re still fighting your gut, open your eyes and be your own detective. Not a stalker……Not a stalker….. Here are some things to look for.

Does your guy go unaccounted for….hours at a time….or even days?

Is he taking trips with the guys to places like Vegas or Miami Beach, saying he’s going to play the slots, hang with his boys, and just chill? “Chill”

He won’t let you come to his house will he? (no entrance sign) Only meets you at yours. Or at the local dive. Hey, you’re cool. You can hang with the regulars..but not his friends.

What, you haven’t met his friends?

Seriously. You haven’t met his friends?

Is he too busy at work to call you? He only texts you doesn’t he. He won’t friend you on Facebook. Says he’s never on there anyway. Tell that to his two thousand contacts.

Probably forgets about your dates occasionally. Then apologizes profusely. But does it again. And again.

Doesn’t matter. He never has enough money to pay the tab anyway. That’s when he even takes you out. What you don’t like his pirated video collection?

He’s out of town for work a lot isn’t he? But you never seem to get all the details. Just some new embroidered towels and a pack of exotic matches, which he keeps borrowing from you when he stinks up your bathroom….after he shows up around midnight just to “hang out.”

You get the picture. You do get the picture don’t you?

So open your eyes and see what’s in front of you. What’s that? No, sorry you can’t go through his phone. You can’t go through his computer. Remember, you’re not a stalker.

Are you seriously thinking about going through his emails? Stop! You can’t do that. Think about what you’re contemplating. And what are you going to do with the evidence? You can’t use it to fix your relationship. Well, I guess you could use it to expose him on Facebook. Hmmm….that might be useful after all. And he’ll never find out, since he’s never on there anyway.

But really, if you’re contemplating this line of action don’t you think things have already reached the point of no return…like agreeing to a threesome, only to have him fall for number three?

Is this really a relationship you’ve got going? Or some kind of farce…. like an election that needs a recount. Or lip synching. Or some dog that ends in doodle. If you won’t believe your gut then at least believe your friends. They know better than you. But we’ll save that for next time.

Subscribe to our blog, podcast, or You Tube channel. Thanks.

And until next time. Keep those eyes open.



23 Comments on Relationship Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Getting Played-Trust your Gut

  1. So I have dated a guy for almost 11 months who used to be my boss, but was fired because of our relationship. We continued to date, and we see each other about once a week, but I have never met his son nor has he met my kids. We really only talk through text, because neither of us likes to talk on the phone much. For about 2 weeks or so he has seemed distant, even so much that when he doesnt text me, I’ll send him a message, but he says he is spending time with his son. Im perfectly fine with that- trust me- however to not talk to me all of sudden just seems weird. The “L” word has been said by both parties – however the only time he says it is when were about to be intimate or during… this bothers me, but its not like I can stop in the middle and say- don’t tell me that now! He has never been to my place- I always go to him. I make him dinner and take it over at times, he lives about 25 minutes from my place. When he has me come over, we either go somewhere to eat then get some movies and go back to his house or we just stay there and watch movies or tv. We have the same kind of silly humor so we like the same movies, have the same interests all that. However I just feel like Im a convenience to him, he only wants me around when he has nothing else to do. He doesnt have many friends that he hangs out with. He is someone I would describe as an introvert. With all of this being said, do you believe Im being used until something better comes along, or being played?? Little more insight is that we were friends and spoke often for about 2 years before anything else ever was thought of… he was married and is now divorced, and Im going through my divorce from a failed 7 year marriage. He does seem to be self centered at times, but he also has a selfless nature too. I always try to show him how much I care by buying him cards and even researching for little gift ideas, just to brighten his days. I dont expect this in return, but it would be nice to have it go un-noticed when I do this. Im afraid Im asking for too much possibly. Any insight you could offer would be great! Thanks for your time.

  2. @Kathy…….You don’t need our insight. You’ve got it. He likes you well enough, but he’s not looking for anything more than some fun. Is that using you? Possibly, but not in a deceitful way. He wants some company from time to time, and if that includes sex, all the better. His “I love yous” are nothing more than his hormones raging. (Just as you guessed. Maybe that’s deceitful) This isn’t going anywhere Kathy. It might be time to move on and find someone who’s more emotionally ready.

  3. Thanks for the input… just one more question, is there anything that you can think of that I could say to him that would make him see what he will be losing?? What could a woman say to you that would really just make you see “Wow, I cant and shouldn’t let this one go…”

  4. @Kathy…..Sorry. There is nothing you can say. it all has to come from him. The realization that is. Sorry.

  5. Hi, so I took your advice and we sat down and talked, calmly.

    He told me he got back with his gf a few weeks ago ( which I guessed) so u were right. He was never totally over her. Apparently she contacted him and he decided to fly to Hong Kong to see her n if things will work. So maybe I was never as important as I thought I was.

    What I can’t understand is, why he wanted to talk to me. I asked him, and he said I changed him, he felt that the talk is worth it, even if I’m pissed. Since he got back with his gf, I asked him what he wanted, he can’t. He said he love me but not as much as his gf.He said our friendship mattered alot, and he missed having me around. Then he said his gf knows about me but he wants to be friends again. So he asked me out for archery.

    why still try to be nice? Or is he trying to play me?

  6. He never spoke about his gf when he was with me until that last breakup. And during the talk he was clarifying that I’m different from the other girls. It just confuses me.

  7. In fact he didn’t mention about getting back with the gf until I asked him.

  8. @Ericia…..He’s not trying to play you. He’s being honest. But he only wants to be friends. It’s possible he feels guilty, but it’s likely he really values your friendship. But the question is: Do you really want to just be friends with him? And is this going to bother you? You don’t want to be stuck in an emotional holding pattern. And it’s possible if you hang out with this guy you might. You might need to move on. What do you think?

  9. Is there something such as more than friends in a guy’s dictionary? I got a felling I’m there but not at gf level. He tried to kiss me before last time so I’m wary now. Things had already ended, why did he still want to be friends, so that he’ll feel better? I just don’t understand what is going on in his mind.

    I know that if I say yes, I might be stuck. I might keep it low for a while and see.

  10. @Ericia…..You’re already stuck. Understandably so. So if he tried to kiss you, does that mean he attempted to cheat on his girlfriend? Keep your eyes open. Tread carefully.

  11. Hey,
    I had an older man enter my lifeday rather quickly, and was a bit one sided in the sack so to speak. He texts to hang out almost everyday to get drinks, says he wants to be friends, but asks about my friends a lot. I feel weird that he didn’t want to at least offer to return “the favor”, as trivial as that sounds. There is 14 years between us, and wanted to know a guys perspective. Even writting this has opened my eyes to the insult, but I would never treat someone this way. I have also not been invited out with his friends and did set that boundary at least. We are also of different ethnic backgrounds. ???

  12. Forgot, he asks me via text where I am, what I am doing, and whom I am with. Why would it matter if we are just friends? Is it forget the number time, or talk about feelings time? I really liked him, but need help with relationships for lack of exerience. Thanks!

  13. @Pink…….Questions: How old are you? (We know you said there’s a 14 year age difference, but your exact age will help us.) Also, we assume when you say one-sided, that he got what he needed but didn’t reciprocate. Is that right? Also, what culture are you? Him? How long have you known him? And how many times have you gotten together? And was it just sex, or did you go out? How did you meet?

  14. I am 30 multi raced, he is Caucasian. Met out a local bar on outing with my friends. Known eachother a few weeks, jumping into sex after a couple date-not-dates, (he got the tab, is not item yet, refused my money). Thought it would be a hot romance but after got his jollies, (yes without reciprocating), it has been friend time, or talking about physical types he prefers. Still texts everyday, asking who, what, where, when, wishes well, and goodnight? What’s going on? Aloof one minute, detective another? Still wants to hang out or see me. Need a guys perspective.

  15. @Pink…..You’re in the FWB zone. Anything goes there. He get sex, but also gets to have a friend. And it’s all no-strings-attached. Good for him, but not for you. This isn’t going anywhere.

  16. Kristin // May 31, 2013 at 11:10 am //

    Dear Guys, I recently stumbled upon the truth as to why my husbands ex-girlfriend left him. He’s has always thought that she up and left one day because she “no longer loved him.” this has impacted our relationship because after any kind of argument he always asks, “do you still love me?”

    His ex girlfriend is ALL over Facebook so you don’t have to dig to find things out. I know he’s over it and has moved on and I don’t have an issue with it but I came across some info that Im not sure what to do with.

    Basically I found out that she had been having an affair and while she was breaking up with him this other guy was posing on his page about it. Then less than 2 weeks after she left him this guy moved out from Maine to CA and they moved in together and have been livin with each other the past four years.

    I’m not sure if it’s better he finds this out on his own or if I gently break it to him by letting him know simply that he didn’t do anything wrong and she’s a bitch who was dishonest and unfaithful. Would that news help him or hurt him???

    I know they are bound to run into each other again because they work in the same field and I know he’d treat her differently if he knew the truth.

    Ahhh, this is eating away at me because my heart hurts for him. She was such a deliberate bitch and it’s ALL over fb. He’s never on fb so he has no clue.

    What should I do? Please help!



  17. @Kristin….You’re married right? So why is the specter of this past relationship still impacting your relationship? It shouldn’t be. Does he bring her up a lot? If he does, you might need to address this with a counselor or some other professional. But if not, let it alone. Our advice: Don’t let this woman worm her way back into either of your psyches. Don’t get involved in this. He’ll either find out or he won’t. We don’t see why it should come from you. He might think you have some other agenda. Good luck.

  18. So I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month now. So we met online but we have a lot of mutual friends. And he pursued me first by adding me on social media apps (snapchat, Facebook, etc). At first we didn’t talk as much but he would always send me pics late at night asking me to hangout (I would always ignore them) but a couple weeks later, we really started to talk. But like I mentioned we have a lot of mutual friends and they would tell me that he’s a fuckboy and stuff and that he’ll drop you. I’m not a person to judge based on what people said…. But I don’t know. Anyways we always text and snapchat at the same time and stuff. He always try’s to know why I think of him as a fuckboy and whenever I get mad he would always ask me why and stuff. I just want to know if I’m being played because he knows that I’ve been played before and told me “I didn’t deserve that”. He told me that he wouldn’t mind waiting for me and that I was special to him. But who knows…

  19. @Sara…..Have the two of you gone out at all? That might be a first step. An actual date, not a hangout. If all he wants to do is hangout then you probably know he’s not that serious about you. Either way, you won’t know anything until you spend some time with him. AWAY FROM THE BEDROOM!

  20. @All the Women out There…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

  21. So I meet this guy on he txt me we talked back n forth for a few days then everyday I’d get morning messages hey gorgeous everyday for over a month we talked every night on the phone he would ask me if I want a toyboy or the real deal he said he wanted the real deal I meet him had lunch few drinks and I left anyway he started texting more after a few weeks of talking he said I’m his girl he wants to be with me but Dsnt think I want to be with him anyway I meet him he came to mine and we had sex he said he really likes me wants to be with me few days went past of hanging out and sleeping over mine and then this one weeknd he said there’s this girl my bf likes and she won’t come up to see him if her friend Dsnt get to get with me I said we’ll u said I’m taken I’m ur girl ur my boy u really like me n wanna be with me he said I’m not gonna do anything with her and I don’t want u with anyone doing anything coz ur taken she is staying at mine I rang that day he said il ring ya bk I txtd n said I’m not gonna be the 2nd choice no reply he never rang back anyway I went to the festival n there he was with her he said hi to me but kept walking then half HR in the festival he’s making out with her and grabn her and so I got drunk I said things to him and then made out with someone there he saw but I dunno straight away he blocked my numba me on fb and in a relatnshp with this girl that night. I feel like maybe it was me that did something or I was played.

  22. @Kay……We’re sorry Kay. But we don’t think you did anything wrong. This guy sounds like a player. And not the most honest guy. We know it hurts, but you deserve better. Take care.

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