This is Part 3 from our upcoming ebook.
Part 3: She Doesn’t Exist
You might wonder how can a guy decide this so quickly. (See Part 2) What is his criteria based on? Besides the aforementioned primal instincts, his quick assessment is often based on unrealistic expectations and false assumptions, likely fueled by the countless magazines he’s read, the online porn he’s viewed, and the lies told by his buddies who claim that they’ve seen a certain creature who is off-the-charts beautiful, rocks a bikini model body, likes to cook, is an expert at video games, loves watching sports, drinking beer, farting, who understands her man’s need for space—but doesn’t need it herself—is willing to experiment sexually—translation; act out what he’s seen in the porn he watches—and tells her guy he’s the best she’s ever had, even though he’s not.
As you can imagine, this guy fantasy has taken down many a solid relationship. Men do learn though. Well, some men. As they mature and gain more experience they learn what it means to be a considerate and responsible partner, they begin to realize that this mythical creature does not exist, that this magical nymph if you will, is a fantasy created by their narrow perception of a female. That said, the years leading up to this epiphany can be quite frustrating for a woman trying to compete with his notion of idealized beauty. (And frankly, it can be frustrating for a man searching for an ideal that does not exist.)
Loss of Freedom
Guys are not completely shallow though. They do want what women want. Loving, committed relationships. They just have a more difficult time coming to grips with what it means to be monogamous and committed. Many view committed relationships in terms of what they have to give up, rather than what they have to gain. Until they make that switch in their brains they have a difficult time committing to one woman. What do they believe they are losing by being in a relationship? A sense of freedom. Freedom to be selfish. Make their own choices. Come and go as they please. Ultimately this means, the freedom to be with other women. When a guy tells a woman, “I’m not ready to commit. I want to travel, see the world, get my career off the ground, (Fill in any excuse) all he’s really saying is: I don’t want to give up my freedom. At least not now. And not for you.
What the woman has to decipher is: Would he be willing to give up his freedom for another woman? And therein lies the million dollar question. Is he using his need for exploration and freedom as an excuse because he’s not that into you, or is he truly not ready to be in a committed, loving relationship? Since we’re not mind-readers, we can’t answer that question. The answer lies within the mind of your man. If you want the answers you need to seek out the source and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. After you do this, you then have to decide if you believe him. This is why trust is so important in a relationship. Without it, it’s hard to know what to believe. It’s hard to feel secure, wondering what he’s up to, what he’s thinking.
Part 4: The Unexpected Breakup