Strictly friends or more?

Dear Guys,

I am 54, and five years ago went on a blind date with a guy who is 64. We dated for eight months, without becoming romantically involved, as he said he did not want a serious relationship with anyone at the time. After eight months he realized I was in love with him, so he broke it off, and we remained friends. Since then he calls me every few weeks to see how I am, and we go out to dinner or cook for each other every couple of months.

I still love him, and we both casually date others. My question is, do you think this man really cares for me, and could his feelings deepen someday, or am I just a convenient social outlet? We used to go out with his friends, but after we broke up, it is just the two of us when we see each other. I have never met a man that I was so compatible with, or for whom I have had more respect.

Thanks for any insight into this long-term friendship…

Debra

Dear Debra,

Thanks for your question.

We wouldn’t say you’re just a convenient social outlet. It seems like this man really cares for you and values your friendship, which we think is nothing to scoff at. (Not that you’re doing that.)

However, if he had romantic intentions he would have made his move by now. Sure, feelings can deepen, but guys typically know right away whether or not they are interested in being more than friends with a woman. He’s had plenty of time, and you’ve given him plenty of opportunities, and told him how you feel, so we don’t see this blossoming into anything more.

That said, it sounds like you’ve met a good guy, and someone you enjoy spending time with. We’d say keep it going if it’s not too painful for you. Feel free to ask us a follow up question if you’d like. Leave your question or comment in the comments section below.

Enjoy and all the best,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

2 Comments on Strictly friends or more?

  1. Dear Guys,
    I (31 y/o) have been working with coworker who is 10 years my junior for 4 months, but it wasn’t until a month ago that I let him know I was interested and his response was very clear: “I don’t feel the same way.” Please know that I’m not the type to go around confessing things if I didn’t think there was a shot at exploring something more. Because we work together I wanted to not make things uncomfortable so I apologize for misinterpreting his kindness and lets focus on bring friends.The facts since then:- Standing up for me more than before- Doing big favors for me- Saying things like: ” I want your advise, I took your advise, etc.- Making it his mission to make me laugh when I’m stressed- “Accidentally” calling me in the middle of the night about a dream he had about work- Gives me hugs upon rrequest- Is vulnerable in front of me- Always in my office- He disclosed that he is trying to work things out with the mother of his child!When I put all these things together it would make sense that he likes me, but WHY in world would he not want to date me? I’m not asking for a relationship (or only being intimate), but the opportunity to explore our friendship. I will had that he is relatively mature for his age, but made a comment once that leads me to believe that he’s concerned about what other people in his life might think. He says he appreciates me being in his life…What am I missing?Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

  2. hi guys! i guess my first post was in the wrong place and i need to add few things.
    i need help, so there’s this guy he never said he liked me. all what he did was text everyday and call and tell me what a special person i was. he cared alooot about me and he always spnds time with me to talk and tell me about his feelings and his views. we were soo good together but he never told me he has feelings for me just that he cared and i respected that but i fell for him and whenever we go out as a group i become the center of attention and so my so called frnds [they r actually a bunch of mean bitches, i have other real frnds]started referring to him as my bf. i felt upset and i told him about it. we had a fight about it. we stopped texting although it did not end badly like the conversation but i just felt sick of how he got angry at the girls and not at his actions.
    when we met after couple months later he was nervous but every time i meet him its like meeting a new person. i mean he keeps on changing his behaviour [he either ignores/ nervous/ talkative/ tries to make me jealous/ nice] tbh he’s adecent guy and i love him.

    i did not try to contact him and he did not contact me until oneday after talking to him and being just polite and friendly he apologized for me for what he did..but this did not end anything cause he behaves differently everytime i see him. now i finally knew that he had actually removed from his fb contacts, it hurted me like hell; one of my frnds told me that if he was not hurt he wld’ve never done such a thing and now i feel guilty although i swear i mean o harm to him and i’ve done no harm atleast not that i know of.
    am waiting to see how he will react next time, i’ll just try to be polite and get it over with..am confused and feel heart broken.
    i have not seen him for couple weeks and we were like friendly and talking but he just shocked me with this behavior!

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