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I have a guy who I started dating for about two months. Well, we finally did the dirty (sex) and what he said to me while doing the dirty completely caught me off guard. I was instantly unsure of how to take what he said. I quote, “I want to own this.”
How should I take this? I feel like it was more than just dirty talk?
We understand your confusion and concern. But before we get to your specific question, let’s discuss Dirty Talk in general, at least from a guy’s perspective.
The “right” kind of Dirty Talk, when delivered at the “right” time, and in the “right” context, can be a big turn on. Some guys use Dirty Talk when they’re ultra-horny or excited. It’s a way of letting the woman know how much she’s turning him on, but it’s also a way of turning her on as well. (At least, that’s his hope.)
The other important thing you should know is that some guys are very territorial. And for those guys, sex is also about control, or rather, controlling their territory. Him saying, “I want to own this” is really saying, “It’s mine and mine only.” He’s not saying, you no longer have control over your own anatomy or decision making—although for some the control could go that far—more likely he’s saying that he desires you, and wants you to give yourself over to him and his desires.
Here’s what we think is bothering you. (And please correct us if we’re off-base.) This is about context. Think of it this way. Let’s say, instead of two months, you’ve been dating a year and are having sex regularly; and then he said what he said one night during a passionate moment. How do you think you might feel then? Our guess is, it’s likely his words might excite you, and maybe even turn you on, because you might love how much he desires you. But that’s ONLY because, by then, you likely trust him, and you know he’s there because he cares about you, not just for the sex.
However, in this case, we do think he crossed the line BECAUSE he forgot that it was your first time having sex. (Temporary insanity caused by the moment perhaps.) It’s the same as him wanting to explore some sort of sexual fantasy the first time you had sex. (Not only might that be inappropriate, it might even alarm you.)
Questions: Do you trust him? Has anything changed since you had sex? Does he still seem as interested in you?
So here’s our suggestion. If this incident has not completely turned you off to him, then you might want to consider talking to him. Explain to him how you’re feeling, and why his words took you off guard. It’s important to be honest, but also delicate. Remember, you’re treading on a guy’s ego, and maybe even a fragile ego since it was the first time you had sex, and especially if he didn’t mean anything by it, and just got caught up in the moment. It’s hard for us to speak to that point because we don’t know him, or you, or the relationship, and we obviously weren’t there. But if you trust him, you might get the answers you’re looking for if you have a conversation with him.
What do you think? (Leave comments or follow-up questions below.)
All the Best,
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