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Teacher/Student Dating: I thought he was into me but he never asked me out

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Hi Guys!

I’ve been wondering for a long time why this guy never asked me out.

Here’s the story: I’m an English teacher in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and I used to deliver “in company classes.” Of course many of my students were men. At that time I was 26 and this guy in question was 32. He was my student for about 7 months and during all that time he kept flirting with me—or at least that’s what I thought.

Many a time I would just ignore him to see what his reaction was, and he really got angry, embarrassed. I don’t know…the thing is I think he was pissed off because of my indifference! Whenever I asked him to do an activity (speaking) he would go red and sweat like a pig! So, I gathered that he felt something for me. He repeatedly told me he was single and had no kids and that he was looking for a girlfriend.

I googled him and found that he had several accounts on different dating sites. His profile was always the same: LOOKING FOR a SERIOUS relationship with a WOMAN- NO KIDS.

SOOO!! I said to myself, “He’s gonna ask me out when the course is finished.” Guess what? On the last day of the course he didn’t show up. He didn’t even had the decency of finishing the course! He simply vanished.

AND it gets more interesting. Three months later—I had already included him in my MSN—he “connects” (he was always “absent”) and he writes “hello” and then disconnects again.

What do you think GUYS?? May I have misinterpreted the whole situation? Was he flirting with me? If he was why didn’t he ask me out? If he wasn’t into me at all…why did he even bother?

I would really appreciate an answer, please..

Thank you,

Laura (from Argentina)

Dear Laura, 

Thanks for your question.

It’s a tricky maneuver to try and date your teacher. Besides the obvious boundary issues between teacher and student—although in this case it’s not quite as taboo since you’re both adults—he probably didn’t think you would be receptive to dating him after you feigned indifference for so long.

See Laura, as the teacher, you held the power. All he could do was hint around and try to get a read on your interest. His original plan was to probably wait until the class was over and then ask you out. But sensing your indifference he probably said forget it. And then his ego kicked in. It’s hard enough to get rejected, but then to have to sit in class and listen to the very person who rejected you—even if it’s just in his mind— is even tougher to take. That’s the most likely explanation for why he skipped the last class and didn’t say goodbye.

Playing hard to get is a necessary tool for women to use in this complex, and sometimes scary, dating world. But each situation is different, and every guy is different. (Hopefully you won’t always feel the need to make the guy work so hard.) But in this case, we absolutely agree with you feigning indifference as the teacher of the class, especially since most of your students were men. (You shouldn’t have any regrets.) Many guys would have been strong enough to see the situation through. They would have been able to “read” your behavior better than this guy, and understand the game that was being played. This guy’s ego was a bit too fragile to handle a strong girl like you.

Please leave us a comment. Or ask us a follow up question. We’ll respond here in the comments section.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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For more info on this topic read:  Does my coach love me or am I being delusional? 

 

 

2 Comments on Teacher/Student Dating: I thought he was into me but he never asked me out

  1. Dear guys,

    So I am dating this guy for about one and half months (talked to him online for months), we usually hang out at his place and I spend the night over the weekend, then leave. He does take me out, show me affection, etc….but he never texts or calls me. I mean, he texts me couple days later after our date to set up a new one but other than that, there is nothing. NO COMMUNICATION whatsoever.

    I believe men should always initiate contact ( I did once and he ignored me lol) so I am not doing that again.

    He called me his girlfriend and treats me good, but is he not just interested? I know he is busy, he just got hired full-time at his job and stuff and he told me this, but still again….I get no text or anything. Nothing.

    I dont want to appear needy or clingy so I play it cool…but why would he call me his girl and then not text me? I mean, I know he is busy. I trust that he is busy, but to not even say hello to your girl via text? that would only take a minute of his a day.

    I find it unreasonable, but I know that he is also busy. I like him a lot, but I wonder if I am hanging on to something that is nothing. Am I just being too paranoid? Or is there something off about the ‘no contacting his girl’ ?

    I like him, but I find that he is not giving me what I want/need. I feel neglected (ouch). And no, I am not shooting him a text. done that and I wasnt happy with the results. If he wants me, he’ll let me know. And it seems he doesnt.

    Help me understand why he ignores me, but call me his girlfriend?

  2. @B….Some guys aren’t that communicative. Or when they are, they’re bad at it. He sounds like one of those guys. We have to assume he’s intelligent enough to know that daily communication with his “girlfriend”—or any girl he’s interested in— is par for the course. And we’re not saying he should feel obligated, we’re saying he should want to. So we’re with you. We can see why you’d be frustrated. And frankly, we don’t see what you’re getting from this guy. Keep in mind that communication styles don’t change. Sure, the guys that really want to evolve and work on themselves can improve, but if a guy is non-communicative, he’s going to be like that for life. (Sad, but true.) Last thing: No one’s that busy at work where they can’t text their girlfriend 2-3 times a day. So why do you like this guy anyway?

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