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The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

Dear Readers,

Thanks for all of your questions. We are doing our best to answer as many as we can, although there’s just not enough time in the day to answer every question we receive. We’ll let you know if/when we get to your question. Please be patient.

However, if you need a quick response, another option is to submit your question using the Private Answer option on our site. Questions we receive in this way always get a prompt and private response via email within two business days. (There is a fee for this service, so no pressure, but this option seems to work well for many people.)

While you’re waiting for your question to be answered, you might check out some of our e-reports for some useful information about the seven most frequently asked questions.

All the best,

THE GUYS

______________________________

Hello Guys,

Thanks for being here 🙂

This guy at the gym… morning weekday manager… I started frequenting the gym every morning 3 months ago. He was one of the other employees to me, nothing noteworthy, just a nice cute staff member at my local gym…

…Until about a month ago when he smiled at me. Sure other cute gym staff guys smile at me, but when HE smiled at me this one time about a month ago, I just melted. It was that look that I interpreted as, “you are beautiful,” or maybe it was my wishful thinking, but this was the first time when seeing him made me feel giddy. So, ever since then we flash smiles at each other when we see each other.

One day, as I was leaving the gym, he told me to have a nice weekend (with that smile that makes me melt)… Does he really look at all the girls this way? I ask myself. I still haven’t figured it out. Anyway, as I was heading out the door, I saw his reflection from the tinted windows and he was looking directly at me throughout my entire 25 or so foot walk to the door. Did he want me to know or could he not tell that I could see him? Darn, I should have had the nerve to turn around and catch him in the act 🙂

And just last week, we saw each other in the staircase and he backed up to talk to me. He was really surprised that I knew his name and he teased me. Then I excused myself into the women’s locker room, but was just so happy that he made an effort to come talk to me.

Since then, we still smile at each other, but I never stop to talk… I just take in that beautiful smile of his, smile right back, and get to my workout.

Today, I had the feeling that he was at the front desk when I walked through the gym, but I had no reason to look over other than to see if he was there, which I didn’t because I don’t want to look desperate. I want him to know I’m interested, but I certainly don’t want him to think I go to the gym for his sake (which I don’t)… his smile is my bonus 🙂

He always walks through the gym classes I take at least once and mostly twice. Don’t know if I ever contribute to that and I often feel him looking in my direction.

But I’ve been wondering why he doesn’t make an effort to be visibly available to me when I’m leaving the gym… maybe he’s not interested? Maybe he feels he already made his effort by backing up at the stairs to talk to me? Maybe he hasn’t figured out it takes me about half an hour to get ready to head out to work after the gym class I take… maybe I’m expecting too much from a guy who has work to do and doesn’t have the time to coordinate at what time he should be at the front desk to see that cute girl he likes leave….

And a friend of mine at the gym who’s been going much longer than me says he’s really quiet and shy, but I always see people talking to him…

Ah! What do I do? Just wait to see if he’ll get the hint from my smiling at him or should I do more?

Sorry so long, but I really am confused and don’t want to mess up a potentially good opportunity with a nice guy that may be interested.

Thanks guys!

Laura

Dear Laura,

Thanks for your question.

We also answered this question on our most recent podcast, TGP Episode 32: Money, Food, Couples, and Finances

Please listen to get our entire answer, which was somewhat lengthy. But we’ll sum this up here as well.

It sounds like he is in fact interested in you. Although keep in mind he is an employee and is paid to give good customer service. We can’t tell you how many guys think the waitress or bartender at the local restaurant is interested in them, when in fact they are just being nice, and hoping for a good tip. (It happens every day.)

However, your case seems different, especially since you saw him checking you out as you left the gym that one day. But his hands are tied. He really can’t ask you out because he’s probably signed some agreement to not hit on the members, otherwise he could lose his job.

So this is up to you Laura. The best way to take this to the next level is to find a time when you can chat briefly with him; and at the end of the conversation hand him your card, or a piece of paper with your number on it, and say something like, “If you’d like to have coffee or lunch sometime give me a call. We can continue this conversation.”

Keep in mind if you’ve misinterpreted his signals you still have to go to the gym even though you might be embarrassed or feel awkward. But we always say,  “nothing ventured nothing gained.”

Typically we think the guy should make the first move, but in your case you’re going to have to be the one to do it. But once the ball is in his court please leave it up to him . If he doesn’t call, or ask you out, it’s likely he just smiles at all the girls.

Good luck.

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. @TGPBuzz

19 Comments on The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

  1. @BG1978…..Yes, for now. Just let it unfold naturally, organically. Remember, if he’s not able to take the next step, then you have to wonder how interested he is. (Or how confident he is. Or mature.) Keep us posted.

  2. Update: my guy added me on FB. Used the opportunity to send him a private message.I said ty for the add, I don’t get to talk to you as much as id like to at the gym. Hit me up sometime maybe we can have an actual conversation. Then I gave him my number. I know he got message but it’s been 5 days and he has not responded. Not only that but he started going to the gym at a different time. I see him as he’s leaving. I know he’s in college but I can’t help but wonder if he’s avoiding me. Hi thought it was okay to give him my # is since he added me to FB. What do you guys think?

  3. @BG1978……It’s possible he’s read some dating books and thinks he needs to play it cool. And so he’s waiting to get in touch with you. (We don’t agree with that approach in general. We tell guys to be straightforward.) That said, it seems to us that he wouldn’t need to do that because you already made it clear you’re interested by giving him your number. We’d give it another week. After that, if he doesn’t get in touch with you, you might want to focus your efforts elsewhere….A little info…. These days, young guys are notoriously lazy about reaching out to women, especially if they think they have the upper hand. And about that. You giving your number. Well, it was forward, but we don’t have a problem with it. It seems like the situation warranted one of you to step up. He made a small gesture by adding you on FB, and you followed suit. We wouldn’t second guess the decision. If he’s into you, he’s happy you did that. If he’s not into you, then you’ll know pretty soon. Thanks for letting us know. Keep us updated. And take care. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks!

  4. Hey guys.. Yesterday I got an email about the update status of another commenter @BG1978.. I’m still confused myself and have some updating as well and would love some advice of how I should proceed.. I’m pretty sure at this point my crush is interested in me but the balls in my court and I can’t seem to do anything! Over the last two or three months he is still a regular with his gym schedule and seems to skip out every two weeks, maybe due to work so I’ve gotten over that he avoids me and the gym aspect.. Couple months ago we both arrived on a Saturday really early and no ones really there.. I was walking out of one room and he was somewhat in front of it where the free standing weights are and he looked over at me and gave me a smile it was the most adorable thing ever because he was really shy about it but it was cute anyways I smiled back and that was it.. So since then we smile or look at each other and nod each time we see each other.. A couple weeks ago I wore something that was a rival of a team that plays in the area I work out in and he commented on it saying I should get rid of it and I made the comment that’s not gna happen and walked off.. The next workout he wore the his rival teams hat and waved me over to show me he had it on.. I laughed it off but didn’t say anything.. The next time I wore something of his team and pointed out that I’m from this area as well and he said finally we have something in common again I just smiled and walked off.. See I’m really bad at keeping the convo going! I’m used to having a crush as I’ve been with someone for over 4 years and the previous before for 2 this seems so forgein to me now to have a crush.. Anyways he now comes into the vancant room I workout sometimes in and today we were in there by ourselves and I knew i should say something but I didn’t.. I just can’t muster the courage to approach him.. I was thinking about dropping a little note on his car after a workout saying have a nice day and thank you for always being so nice to me but is that too much!? I’m not going to give out my number but I want him to know I do appreciate his efforts even if I can’t say anything to him directly.. My nerves always shoot me down.. Anyways I hope to get some much need advice because it’s been months now!

  5. @Debbie……Thanks for the update. It sounds like it could be progressing, but we stick to our original advice. Which is: You keep feeling as if you could be doing more, like it’s your responsibility to help him get this to the next level, or at least give him the green light to ask you out. We can’t remember how old he is, or you, or maybe you never told us, but it seems to us that you’ve given him plenty of opportunity to talk with you, and that he should be confident enough to try to keep the conversation going, or even, ask for your number, or gosh, maybe ask you out on a date. The fact that he’s not doing it tells us one of four things. 1. He’s not interested in more than flirting. 2. He has a girlfriend, but thinks your attractive and enjoys the attention. 3. He’s clueless and doesn’t know how to converse with a woman. 4. He’s nervous and not sure what to do.
    Honestly, if you believe it’s #3 or #4, then what if you did something like, get him something really small that continues your flirtatious banter about the rival teams. Maybe as a joke? But something he might think is cool. A keychain with your team on it? Or even a silly card? It serves the same purpose as a note. But it’s got to feel as if you didn’t put a ton of thought into it and didn’t spend a ton of money on it. That’s just an idea. Get creative but make it seem like it didn’t require much effort. Like you saw something, thought of him, got it. What do you think? Obviously your call. The other option is the note. Or let it ride a bit longer and see if he’ll step up to the plate. Do you know if he has a girlfriend?

  6. @oneoftheguys Thanks for the response.. I don’t know if he has a girlfriend and I think he may be younger than me but maybe by only a year or two since I’ve never seen him around town before and I was born and raised in the community. I know he has many admirers in the gym though as I’ve seen first hand a girl go up to him and bend over asking for squat advice. He seemed uncomfortable and she walked away and later that same day she came back over and said something and walked off again when I got up to change machines I glanced at him and smiled and that’s when he made the rivals comment.. Alot of people come up to him at the gym and I don’t want to be another one that disrupts him workout. Im trying to not be intimated being there in the first place so I think sometimes my aloof/distracted vibe that I give doesn’t help the situation either. I’m not too keen on giving him a gift just because I feel like that’s might be too much effort put in and I would joke if my team beat his but it didn’t so that’s out too.. You are right in that there seems to be plenty of opportunity to talk to me but I don’t think my vibes give off that I’m approcahable to talk to.. I’m fine with letting this ride more but I think if I don’t get the courage to show that I can talk to him he’s never going to make another step.. He has already tried to make conversation and says things and I just look at him wide eyed like what the heck are you doing!? I guess I’m a lost hope and just should let it run its course..

  7. @Debbie…..We agree. It might be good to let it ride for a bit longer. You know, we tell particularly shy guys to come up with a few questions to use when in conversation. Could be about your rival situation? (Is it football?) If so, the season is about to begin. We’re sure you could come up with some questions. Examples: Looking forward to the season? Going to any games? Are you in a fantasy footbal? That sort of thing. If it’s not football, we’re sure you can come up with some other questions that are similar/appropriate. Also, it’s always easy to ask if he has any fun plans for the weekend. Or something about his workout in particular. That said, it seems if he was truly interested he’d be making more of an effort. That is, if he’s actually single, which, from what you’re saying, it’s very possible he’s not. Keep us posted. And good luck! ps. And thanks again for sharing our site with friends.

  8. @All the Women out THere…….We’d love to hear your thoughts on The Perfect Guy? Leave a comment, a description or respond to someone else’s comment. Let’s have a conversation.

  9. I met a guy at gym. Initially he smiled at me. But I was lost in my thoughts and didn’t return the smile. For few days he used to watch me, but I was not interested.later when I saw him talking to an elderly lady with respect I got attracted. I kept looking at him but now he choose to ignore, later I ignored him now he used to look at me thru mirror without smile. But whenever he saw me there were other women so I thought he might be looking at them. Then one day when there was no body he kept looking at me while walking behind me and then looking at me in mirror which was in front of me. Then I got the signal and I decided to talk next day but he has never come after that. Now I don’t understand the meaning of the look. Is it “wait I am coming back” or “goodbye”

  10. @Newgirl…..The gym is always tricky to meet someone. Why? Because if it doesn’t work out it could be awkward, even to the point, where one of you would have to change gyms. And since most people don’t want to do that, they are pretty cautious. At this point it’s too soon to tell. You’re going to have to just wait and see. Hopefully he’ll initiate some sort of contact….a smile, or conversation. Keep us posted. Feel free to ask us another question when you have a little more info. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks. And check out our e-reports on the seven most frequently asked questions.

  11. So you think he is being cautious? But he has not been coming to gym since the last look. So if he comes back shall I smile or not? He doesn’t look at everyone, he looks reserved as well.

  12. @New Girl…..Sure, smile. But let him initiate conversation or anything else. Good luck.

  13. I am sorry to keep asking… but my question is are guys so sensitive that they love a girl so much that they want to have a one last look. At least I felt that way and from that day I am cursing myself for not smiling or was he not worth as he knew he was going forever but did not initiate any conversation. This would help me decide and move on … as he has not come from past 6 weeks.

  14. @New Girl…..Guys look at women for a variety of reasons. It’s more about attraction rather than love, especially if they don’t know her. He probably thinks you’re attractive and so that is why he’s looking at you. But if he hasn’t initiated anything beyond a look, then there’s not much you can do. And we don’t recommend that you initiate. If you do, you won’t know where he stands.

  15. I started going to the local gym and a guy there that often goes the same time was staring at me a lot, no smiles just staring. I find him very attractive but I mostly look away because I’m shy. In the last two weeks this guy made it obvious to me he was talking about me to another gym goer on two separate occasions but in a smug like way. He seems upset because I never gave him any attention, when I’ve been using gym equipment next to him he seems shy.
    I’m not sure how to handle this situation, should I say hello?

  16. @Vesna…..He sounds immature honestly. Don’t you think? What is this high school? But if you want to make it a bit easier on him then sure, say hi. But DO NOT initiate conversation, or anything else. He should be confident enough to approach you if he’s interested in you. (At least this is our opinion.)

  17. If a guy is looking at you for past 1 year without approaching and when he is laid back when he sees you talking and working out with another guy. Checks next to whom I am working.

    What does that mean?

  18. Are you asking me?

  19. @New Girl….Did you see our other response? Scroll down comments. It probably means he’s attracted to you. BUT….then why isn’t he approaching? Could be for a lot of reasons. 1. He’s shy. 2. He has a girlfriend. 3. He’s attracted to you but think it’s inappropriate to approach you at the gym. 4. He’s not very confident. 5. He thinks you’re attractive but still isn’t interested. 6. He just likes looking at women.

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