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Two questions: Is this party guy interested? (and) Did I get played by this girl?

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Dumped by text

Dear Guys,

There is this guy who works at the ABC store that I am very attracted to. The first time I went in to stock my home bar he helped me and as I left he said, “Let me know when the party is.” I took it as if he was just being nice. I went back in tonight and he asked me how the bar was going. I told him that no one drank the rum and he said, “Let me know where the party’s at and I will drink it!”

Is he trying to tell me something? Should I have taken those comments and invited him over? I am soo shy. Should I just pass him the number and leave it at that?

Trisha

Dear Trisha, 

Thanks for your question.

Well, he’s either interested in you, or he really likes to drink rum. Either way, you won’t know unless you make the first move.

We don’t think there’s any harm in giving him your number, but just remember you don’t really know the guy. Maybe a first meeting should be sometime during the day, say for coffee? If that goes well you can take it from there.

He sounds fun, but we’re always a bit wary about relationships that begin with drinks. If you know what we mean!

Happy New Year,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

(AND)

Hey Guys,

So for about 4 months I started talking to a girl who I know through a friend. We started off as just friends but then I started to get feelings for her. I told her straight up how I felt and that I was starting to fall for her. She had been dating a guy who hit her and controlled her. She told me every day that I was the only guy who treated her right and that I was above all other guys ever.

A few weeks ago they broke up and she said she didn’t want to date anyone and stay single for awhile. I told her I respected that choice and told her I was still there for her. She told me that when she was ready I would be at top of the list. But last night I saw a tweet on my feed that said she was dating some other guy.

All I wanna know is if you think I got played and used? Did she only want me around to feel wanted and loved?

Thanks,

Anthony

Dear Anthony,

Thanks for your question.

Rest assured you did a good thing. You gave this woman strength as she dealt with an abusive boyfriend. Good for you.

But sometimes it’s a drag being the ‘good guy’ isn’t it?

We don’t think you got used specifically. Meaning, she didn’t use you and then discard you. She leaned on you as she would a friend. But we’re not sure it means anything more than that. Her choice of words to you seems a bit coy and non-committal. (“You’ll be at the top of her list when she’s ready.”) She has a list?

However, by your description of her taste in men, she doesn’t seem capable of choosing a good guy just yet. She’s still into guys who treat her poorly, as if that’s somehow more exciting. It makes no sense to us, just as women are baffled by guys who go for beautiful women with not much else going on—not that the two are mutually exclusive. (We’re just making a point.)

We’d say don’t abandon her; she still probably values your friendship. But we think you shouldn’t hold out any hope that she’ll suddenly come around. She’s got a ways to go before she’s ready for a good guy like yourself.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

2 Comments on Two questions: Is this party guy interested? (and) Did I get played by this girl?

  1. My question is sort of related to this one. It may be long but hope you guys read and respond. 4-5 weeks ago a new guy joined the gym I work out at for a long time. He is cute and I am kind of like him. But there is a little problem , I am quit shy and not so social person with a big ego, considering all that, flirting with guys is not the subject of my expertise. Now back to the story. Since I usually screw up everything because of that shyness and pride. This time decided to make it right. So made an eye contact a couple of times and smiled, after a few days he approached and introduced himself. We had a short gym related chat and that was it for that day. Next few times I saw him , we just smiled and said hi. Next few days he was sometimes kind of ignoring me, and when he did not, the talk never went beyond “Hi, How are you?”. One day I went to the gym earlier than I usually do, when I was leaving, ran onto him at the lobby and talked for a while about workout, gym and that kind of staff and he kind of expressed the regret that I was already leaving. After that I went to the vacation, so have not been to the gym over a couple of weeks. A weak or so ago when I got back and went to the gym, he was there, working out around me but did not come by to say hi. After a while we ran into each other and talked a little, I wanted to actually make a real conversation, so asked how he has been and what he was doing, for that couple of weeks I have not seen him, he just said that he was busy with work and asked where I have been. Told that I was in vacation and hoped he would show any interest were I spent my vacation etc. But his friend, who is always with him, jumped into a conversation to say hi. After his friend’s intervention there was an awkward silence for a few second so not to make the situation more uncomfoordable I said that I had to go back to work out and left. Next day he was ignoring me like he did not see me at all, while he was working out quit close it was impossible not to notice me unless he is blind. After that day I was out of town again because of work so have not seen him anymore. I am really confused. Don’t know if he is interested but shy and that’s why he acts weird. Or plays some stupid game. Maybe he is not interested and I give too much importance to his every move and word and see what I want to see. Really not sure what I should do.. Besides, every time I pass by him and try to make an eye contact and smile, he stares into his phone with such a serious serious face as if he is solving some world importance problem. Oh and with other people at the gym he looks more open, talkative and less serious than he is with me and I cannot figure out that’s because he likes me and gets uncomfortable around me, or he does not like me but, he knows that I like him and just avoids me. So what you think, how should I proceed to figure out what the hell is he thinking or going to do. There is no chance I am using that stupid “how that machine works” techniques. I don’t want to be too active, since I work out to that gym every day after work and don’t plan changing anything because of a guy. Also from what I told you guys, how do you think he is interested and just tries not to be too pushy or he is careless and I am over analyzing everything? Thanks, Ema

  2. @Ema…….We know guys can be confusing. (Women too) But you are definitely overanalyzing this. His behavior can be attributed to many possible reasons. 1. He’s not interested. 2. He’s interested but shy, and thus he doesn’t know how to proceed. 3. He doesn’t want to get involved with anyone at the gym, so he’s friendly but that’s it. 4. His friend likes you so he’s kind of stuck in the middle. 5. He has a girlfriend. 6. He’s gay. 7. He’s playing stupid games. You see Ema, there are a lot of choices here. You could go back and forth on this forever. It’s hard for us to say which one it is, but a few things you said stood out for us. We look for consistency, or lack of consistency. For example: If he said hi to you when he passed by you, but then ignored you while he worked out, at least that would be consistent. His behavior is not consistent, which probably eliminates some of the choices. If he is playing games well then he’s not worth it. We like the straightforward approach. If he likes you, and knows that you might be interested—which you’ve done a pretty good job of showing—then he should ask you out. If he doesn’t soon, well, then you have your answer. We wouldn’t be surprised if his friend was into you. (That doesn’t mean he is, just the way his friend jumped in made us think that.) Our advice: Focus on your workout, be friendly when he’s friendly, say hi to him when you pass him, but don’t go out of your way, don’t initiate conversation, etc. See what happens in the next 2-4 weeks. If nothing does, then it’s time to stop wasting energy on thinking about this. What do you think? Let us know if you have any other questions and definitely keep us posted on how this progresses. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

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