What can I do to encourage guys to ask me out?
Ok, so I have this friend. We have about the same kind of personalities, but it seems that wherever we go: to parties or even in class, guys just naturally want to hang out with her. And they approach her first to ask her out. It’s not the same for me. I feel like I can be a little shy, but not too much, and I’m not afraid to start a conversation with a guy. So why is it that guys don’t just naturally want to ask me out or be around me? I really don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I don’t really feel like it’s an issue of looks.
So I guess in general, I’m just wondering what can I do to subtly encourage guys to ask me out? I also don’t want to come across as a really ditsy, flirty girl. Just subtle things that would encourage a guy to feel more comfortable around me, like my friend has somehow mastered.
Please help? Thanks!
Thanks for your question.
Of course the first thing that came to mind is, this could be an issue with looks—yes, guys are that superficial, at least at first— but you say it’s not, so we’ll focus on other things. (We don’t know what you both look like, but if you’re a certain age—on the younger side—and she possesses certain, um, “assets” that could be a draw for guys, especially the younger variety.) Just a thought.
But let’s move on. First of all it’s best not to compare yourself to your friend. (Sorry if we did already.) Just because guys are hitting on her and not you when you’re together doesn’t mean this would happen everywhere you went. It’s just those particular guys want what she’s got. So you need to separate the two issues: 1.You compared with her. and 2. Guys not asking you out. They are separate. And since it’s you asking, we’ll focus on you.
Here are reasons why guys don’t ask women out:
1. They’re not attracted enough to them.
2. They’re intimidated.
3. Woman is out of their league. (Goes along with #2.)
4. Woman doesn’t seem interested. (Conversation is difficult, etc.)
5. Woman has nothing to say.
6. Woman is with a bunch of her friends. (Too difficult to approach.)
There are probably more but that pretty much covers it. So when you look at that list do you recognize anything in particular?
Here are some suggestions for you to try or think about:
1. A good place to start is to go out without your friend, almost as a test. See what happens. She might be unintentionally blocking you. It could be the dynamic the two of you have that creates a situation where you get left in the dust.
2. Be aware of your body language. Are you giving off some sort of signal that says, “Stay away” ? (Just be aware.)
3. Guys love to talk about themselves. (Everybody does in some way.) Make it easy for them. Ask lots of questions. Pretend you’re interested. (Hopefully you are.)
4. Be yourself. (This isn’t really a suggestion, but we still think it’s the best policy.)
Honestly, Lizzie, just be patient. We’re sure it’s only a matter of time before you meet some great guy. Let us know if you try any of these suggestions and how they work. Keep us posted please. And feel free to ask as many follow up questions as you’d like. Leave us a note in the comments section below.
All the best,
ps. And please let your friends know about us. Thanks!
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