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What do guys look for in a woman?

Axe Angel

Hi Guys,

I was wondering if you could help me out. Obviously being yourself is vital but the idea of at least looking and somewhat acting the part can’t hurt.

What is it that guys find attractive in regards to appearance? Like hair, face, body, everything.

Furthermore, what do guys find attractive in regards to personality? Like mannerisms, gestures etc.

What would be the perfect woman?
PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

Georgia

Dear Georgia,

Well, this is just about the most loaded question we’ve ever received. Not that we mind. Just that, we’re going to have a difficult time giving you an answer that you’re going to be satisfied with.

Perfect woman? Is there such a thing?

As you might imagine, you ask 100 guys this question and you’ll likely get 100 different answers. That goes for personality and for appearance.

Some guys like outgoing women, some like shy women, some like funny women, smart women, demure women, aggressive women, the list goes on.

Same with appearance. Leggy. Petite. Busty. Slender. Tall. Short. Curvy. Athletic. Guys like it all.

So what are you actually asking? Are you trying to shape yourself in a certain way for a particular guy?

Here’s the best answer we can give you:

Be yourself. But, take care of yourself. Be committed to learning, growing, evolving as an individual. Work with your partner to evolve together.

There’s a little saying we learned along the way. Eventually everyone meets in the middle as long as there’s love and self-awareness.”

Cryptic? We’ll explain.

A guy might have a certain type of woman he desires. And let’s say he convinces her he’s worthy. For a time he’ll keep her up on a pedestal, but eventually he’ll realize she’s human and that she also comes with certain blemishes. The hope is he’ll learn to love those blemishes, and even though she’s no longer up on the pedestal, he’ll love her even more because he now he loves the person she actually is, rather than his ideal of her.

The other scenario.

A guy meets a woman, and loves the person she is. Maybe he thinks she’s cute, but he doesn’t put her up on the pedestal the way he does with the other scenario. But eventually, his love for her makes him more and more attracted to her, and she slowly ends up at a similar place of attractiveness as the other woman.

So stop worrying. If you have to work hard to keep a guy’s attention, he’s probably not the right guy for you. If you have specific questions about a specific question, leave them below in the comments section and we’ll answer those.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll share out site with your friends. Thanks!

ps. Check out our e-reports on the seven most frequently asked questions.

ps. We offer Relationship Coaching to people we’ve worked with previously.

 

18 Comments on What do guys look for in a woman?

  1. So there’s this guy I used to see at comedy open mic in town, and I always thought he was cute. We were FB and Snapchat friends, but had only said a few words to each other in person. In October he moved 1,300 miles away. Shortly before he left, he messaged me and told me he’d always thought I was cute. I was like “well you shoulda said something way before you were about to move far away!” Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. He came home to visit, and invited me out to a comedy show. Then we went out for some drinks with friends and really started to hit it off. I went back to where he was staying and we cuddled and watched Netflix. We did sleep together, but he definitely wasn’t pushing for that and only went for it once I started moving things in that direction. The next morning he snuck out and picked fresh berries from the backyard and brought them to me in bed. We spent half the day together and I went home swooning. The next day we went camping with some of his friends. So we ended up spending most of the weekend together and it was amazing. He is the only nice guy I’ve ever been attracted to. But it wasn’t enough for me. I want more, and I’m willing to work for it. We’ve been in daily contact since he went back home, so I feel like it wasn’t just a weekend fling and he may be interested in more. He is kinda shy though, so it’s hard to tell.

    So I guess my question is, do you think there’s a decent chance that he is interested in more? Additionally, I am wondering whether I should be upfront about my interest in him and my willingness to move, or if it’s way too soon for that and it might just scare him off. I want to establish whether we’re on the same page as soon as I can, so that I don’t waste time or get hurt.

  2. @Al……This sounds nice. Don’t rush it or freak out. It’s too soon to establish anything really. Be happy that you’re in daily contact and that he seems interested. Question: Has he asked to see you again? Has he asked you to visit? Where do the two of you live? And how old are the two of you?

  3. He is 30 and I am 28. We are from Oregon, and he moved to Arizona. He hasn’t asked to see me again or to visit, (though may visit in August for an event his friends are having) but he’s shy enough that I don’t really see him doing that unless he was sure that I would be into it. So that’s why I’m contemplating coming out and telling him that I like him and that I’m interested in more, but I am shy myself when it comes to matters of the heart, so I am terrified to bring it up. But like the other day he was snapchatting me pictures of this sweet Lego spaceship he designed and is building (nerdy, I know, but I think it’s cute), and we talked about him sharing his Legos with me ’cause I never had any as a kid. So like we’d have to see each other again to play Legos, right? Lol. And he sends me kinda flirty snaps and texts and is always all up on stuff I post on FB. I feel like that has to indicate some amount of interest, ’cause if it was just a weekend fling to him why would he bother with all that? I’d like to get to know him more, but I never know what to say. I think it’s kinda tough ’cause we’re both introverts, I’m much better at talking to someone in person so I can read them. So I almost feel like if I could establish “hey I like you and I wanna get to know you more”, and if he’s on the same page, I’ll feel more comfortable conversating. I’m afraid if I don’t say anything it might just fizzle out due to neither of us being the initiator.

  4. @Al…..Ok, now we have a clearer picture of what’s going on. You know, you say he’s shy, but wasn’t he the one to text you and tell you that he always thought you were cute? And wasn’t he the one to ask you out when he came into town? Maybe he’s shy, but he’s not that shy, and at the very least he has enough confidence to put himself out there. (All good stuff) Honestly, it seems like the two of you are on the same page and have a lot of connections. You keep talking about how things might fizzle out, but didn’t you sleep together? It just seems that too much has gone on between the two of you to just have things fizzle out. So the question is: When is the right time to have “the talk” where you define what’s going on? If you’re not able to see him soon, and you feel that you don’t want to wait until August, then give him a call and bring it up casually. (But this is your call. We don’t know him so we don’t know how he’ll react.) But from everything you’re telling us, it seems he’d be excited to hear how you feel. Although he might be thinking, “What’s the point now that I’ve moved?” You’ll have to figure that one out if it comes to that. Thoughts?

  5. Well the exact message he sent read, “You’re really cute. I’m going to say this while I’m drunk and severely socially indifferent. Not that it means any less otherwise. Goodnight. 💪” and then when he was coming to town he just mentioned on a post I made on FB that I should come out to the open mic at the comedy club that night. So it wasn’t like a super forward “let’s hang out”, but then I mentioned that it looked like they were doing a showcase that night instead, and that I was too broke for a ticket. So he offered to pay for mine and I went. Then later that night while we were sitting there cuddling and stuff, before we banged, he invited me to go hiking with him and some friends the next day. So I guess he’s not completely shy, but not super aggressive about things either. He’s confident enough that I’m attracted to him, so I suppose that’s what’s important. I am afraid that like you said, he might be thinking, “what’s the point now that I’ve moved?” Like maybe that would hold him back from trying to start anything ’cause he wouldn’t think that I’d consider it. Which is fair enough, before that weekend we spent together I always said I’d never be willing to try the long distance thing with anyone. But for some reason I like this guy enough that it seems worth it. He probably has no idea that I think moving to Arizona would be a grand adventure that I actually think I really need in my life right now.

    You’re right, it does seem like enough has gone on that things shouldn’t fizzle out, but if he’s not sure that is be willing to try anything, I’m not sure that he’ll keep pursuing it. So I think that’s why I feel like I need to let him know how I’m feeling. Also I’d like to take it up a notch from our bits of conversation and snapchats to a more “get to know you better” level, but for the life of me I can’t figure out how to do that. Any advice there?

    I actually decided to write down exactly what I would like to say to him, but it’s four damn paragraphs long and I’m sure that would be intimidating no matter what it actually says. Plus, it’s all sappy and really putting myself out there, so that’s scary to me. I’ll include that and maybe you can tell me whether that’s just way too much.

    “So, recently I talked to Tiffany (our mutual friend) about how I have a thing for you and don’t know what to do about it. She said it’s easy, just say, “I really like you. Do you like me too?” But that is too simple, I always have to overthink and over complicate everything.

    You’ve been gone just over a week now, and though I hardly know you, I already miss you. I’m not certain what I hope to accomplish by bringing this up. It is a strange situation since you live far away, and I’m unsure how to go about it, but if you lived here I’d definitely be tryn’a date you. I really enjoyed the weekend we spent together. But before the first night was over, I already knew the weekend wasn’t going to be enough.

    I thought, “dammit Al, you’ve gone and got yourself a crush on this boy who lives 1,300 miles away. How can this possibly end well?” All I really know at this point is that I don’t want it to end at all. Trying to start something long distance is something I would never have considered previously. But I want to get to know everything about you. I don’t know how to do that without seeing you in person, but I’m willing to figure it out. I want to meet Lucy (his dog). I want to experience a thunder storm in Arizona and kiss you in the warm rain. I want to be able to tell you exactly how I feel without worrying that you’ll think I’m crazy. I don’t want the fact that you’re the only good guy I’ve ever been attracted to to go to waste. When I think about you I get a warm fuzzy sort of feeling in my chest, different than anything I’ve felt before. I know that sounds really sappy and lame, but I don’t want it to stop.

    So, I suppose I could have kept it short and sweet like my friend advised, but that just isn’t who I am. I love words and often use too many of them at a time. I am terrified that this will scare you off, or that it’s something you’d never consider, or that I’ve just said too much too soon. But if I’m not mistaken, you have a bit of a thing for me as well, and someone had to say something. I like to be open and honest. So I guess I just wanted to put all that out there and see what your thoughts are on the matter. “

  6. @Al……Hmmm……Your note is well-written and sweet/quirky, but it may or may not be too much. That’s your call of course. We tend to agree with your friend, but you know what, we’re not you. You gotta keep it real, and if that’s you, then send it to him. You would know better than us how he might receive this note. The only thing we’d say is focus on the long distance arrangement first before you start talking about moving to Arizona. (That might be a little much at this juncture.) And we’re not sure how you’re communicating but it seems to us that this might be the sort of letter that’s sent snail-mail (Yikes, did we just say that?) or email possibly. (Although, maybe those modes of communication are too dated?)

  7. Sweet Pea // July 13, 2016 at 10:57 am //

    Hi. I just got out of a 12 year relationship (High School Sweethearts) in September of 2015. I did everything I could to try and make things work. I was patient, understanding, forgiving, open, loyal, loving….. the list goes on. Anytime I tried to have a serious discussion he would shut down like a child and play sleep or change the subject. He ended up cheating on me (again). He built a relationship on the side with a woman who is a known whore and has three kids. The woman even knew about me. Once he established this relationship with her he chose to mistreat me to the point that I blew up on him so he could use that as his excuse to not only break up with me, but to do it through a text message. He then moved out of his parent’s home and in to her house. Why?….. Why would he leave me for that after all these years? I am a good, attractive, fun loving, educated, and employed woman who just wanted the best for us so we could start planning a family. I wanted us to build a life together. Instead he took the easy way out and implanted himself in to a ready made situation. Why would a man do this and why would a woman willingly be a side piece until it was convenient for her to be his main woman? On top of all of this the woman he left me for is telling mutual associates that he is portraying himself as if he played my role in the relationship and I played his. How calculated and manipulative is that? He has people believing that he tried so hard, but in reality his priorities in life were cheating, hanging with the boys, alcohol, and drugs. I know I’m better off without him, but I still just can’t wrap my head around why he would do this.

  8. @Sweet Pea…..You’re right. You are better off without him, but that doesn’t mean you’re not feeling pain. We’re sorry for that. Loss in general is always very difficult, especially when it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Question before we answer: You met in high school. Correct? How old were you? What year? Have you been together since? No breakups? Has he dated anyone else besides the people he cheated on you with? Have you? Did you go to college together? Did you live together? Where do you live?(Meaning, what part of the country? Just curious.) And finally, you’re how old now? 28-30?

  9. Sweet Pea // July 13, 2016 at 12:57 pm //

    Correct. We did meet in high school. We were friends from Sophomore year to Senior year which is when it turned in to something more. I’m 32 now. There was about a two year gap when he was living out of state, and I was in college. When he moved back we got back together. He cheated on me twice while I was still in college, and I stupidly forgave him. I had my own apartment, but because I lived about a 45 minute drive away from his parents he didn’t want to come see me regularly. At least that was the excuse he gave. We did not live together because I couldn’t get him to progress any further. I knew if we got a place everything would basically fall on me. I have tried dating other people. I guess my heart just wasn’t in it because I wanted things to work out with him. He never went to college. No real ambition for anything (not to say that college is the only way or even a sure way to be successful).He wouldn’t even take advantage of the opportunity his employer gave him to advance and make more money. I’m a Chicagoan. I am trying to date now, but its just really awkward and my self esteem is a bit shattered. I am working on it though.

  10. @Sweet Pea…….Well, it’s going to take time to heal. Be patient with yourself. To your questions. Let’s be clear, this is on him, not you. And no matter how he tries to reverse things, you know the truth. Don’t doubt yourself. Guys in general take a long time to mature. And he’s got a long way to go. Here are the issues: 1. The fact that you started dating at 16, pretty much means the two of you tend to fall into those high school roles, similar to how adult siblings might behave when they go home to see their parents. What this means is that both of you need to work extra hard to grow and evolve. You did that. He didn’t. 2. He wasn’t ready to settle down with one girl. Clearly he feels he hasn’t seen the world enough and bedded enough women. That’s a young guy for you. 3. You challenge him and he doesn’t want to be challenged, which is why he left you for this other women. And in some ways, deep down, this is what he believes he’s worth and what he deserves. It’s complicated, and certainly we don’t know him so there are probably other issues going on. Unfortunately, you’re not going to get a good explanation from him, probably ever. So here’s a question for you: What are you going to do when he comes begging for you to take him back? This relationship with this other woman is unlikely to last. Then what?

  11. Sweet Pea // July 13, 2016 at 2:22 pm //

    It’s funny that you asked that particular question. I have been asked that a few times. I can’t do it again. At this point I feel like after he cheated and came back it turned me in to the last resort girl. The one who would love him if all else fails. I can’t be that person anymore. I’m still hurting a lot, but some of the haze has cleared, and I realized that I would much more prefer to meet someone who doesn’t feel like they still need to be with other women wen they know I’m giving my all. If I’m not enough why not just leave me before you seek out others? Why hurt me like that? I would never take him back. Life is short and he has already monopolized a big portion of my young life. He won’t get the opportunity to do it again. I always tried to uplift him and tell him how smart he was and that he could be doing so much more. He’s no dummy. It boggles my mind how he would leave me and immediately implant himself in to a situation where he’s in a family way with her 3 kids. You weren’t ready to build with me but you’ll go play stepdad to someone else’s kids? I guess its easier to walk away when you get ready if they’re not biologically yours. I don’t know. The fact that she’s running around telling people false information about me is absolutely enraging. Also why leave for a promiscuous person? I don’t say this out of bitterness. She’s been like this since high school and things did not change as we all grew in to adults. It seems like the willing side chicks are winning these days.

  12. @Sweet Pea…..Well, you sound like you’re in a good place, at least a stronger place. We’d suggest you focus on yourself and your other interests and surround yourself with good friends and family, and do your best to remove him from your life as hard as that may be. As per willing chicks……Not sure how she’s winning. Three kids, divorced, who knows how involved father is, bedding up with a guy who is going to leave at some point. Doesn’t sound ideal to us. Take care. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends and let people know via Twitter, Facebook or other social media. Thanks!

  13. Sweet Pea // July 14, 2016 at 8:14 am //

    When you put it that way you’re right…. she’s not winning. I will definitely continue to put more effort in to focusing on me and surrounding myself with the right people. I really appreciate your input and will be sure to let people know about you guys. Thanks.

  14. @Sweet Pea……Glad we could help. Take care. And let us know if we can help in the future. ps. (Since so many women have asked, we’re now doing Dating Profile Critiques. Basically, feedback on photos and rewriting descriptions. Just an FYI for any of your girlfriends. 🙂

  15. First off I wouldn’t say I’m an extrovert or an introvert. But if I had to say I’d lean closer to introvert. You’re probably wondering what has this got to do with anything. Well it’s sort of the main point, I’m a social butterfly around all my close mates however, when it comes to men like older than me, I get anxious! Guys my age don’t do it for me and not to be cocky I feel twice more mature than most of them. Moving on I tend to attract older men and I like that, but I just freeze if they try to open a conversation with me. I get nervous and get a feeling like I really can’t explain. I just get extremely timid and I wouldn’t mind dating them but I don’t know how to open myself up. For instance there’s a guy at work he’ll he’s overly sweet and friendly and I feel like I avoid him at all cause because he tries to talk to me. I’ll say “Hi” when he says it and sometimes he’ll ask personally questions and I’ll answer. But I never explore any topics he tries to pull me into. I don’t want to come off as a B***h or anything. I just struggle a lot with opening up and I am attracted to him. Then again I think I don’t want him thinking I’m stuck up or too good for him plus since, my emotions then to show across my face. I just feel so inexperienced that it drags on everything I want to be attached if that makes any sense. I do tend to get sarcastically rude when I’m nervous so I just try to be quite for my own good. So any advice on how to sort of easy my anxiousness? Any would help thanks.

  16. @Abby…..We understand. We get plenty of questions from people asking the same sort of question you’re asking. But first, we’ll ask you some questions to help us give you a better response: How old are you? How old is this guy? How old are the guys you are attracted to? Why don’t you like guys your age? Is it just because they’re not as mature, or is there something else? What if a really mature guy your age asked you out?

  17. I’m eighteen and he’s twenty-one. No, I attractive guys that are like forty something, and I honestly don’t mind that. I am attracted to guys in their twenties to late thirties. I just feel like I’m talking to a non responsive wall when I talk to guys my ages, and they’re ridiculously indecisive to relationships. Sure I’ll meet a couple guys that want to be more but they’re like a brother in my eyes and I can a pill anything to them. I like being tongue-tied once in a while talking to a man, I just don’t want to be anxious that I freeze up. Half the time it seems I’m always years ahead of their form of thinking and being serious with guys my age. Hell yeah I would say yes if someone mature enough like I asked asked me out! Also he doesn’t necessarily have to be brainy to fate me just mature enough and I can’t seem to find that in guys my age. Please don’t think I have Daddy issues, it’s just me.

  18. @Abby…….We have a favor to ask before we respond to you. We hope you’ll share our site with your friends. And Tweet about us, or post on Facebook or other social media. Thanks!. To your question……..We don’t judge here. So no worries there. We just needed to have more info, that’s why we asked the questions we asked. First off, guys in general take longer to mature as you know. Usually by their late 20s, early 30s they have a pretty good sense of who they are and what they want out of life. So you’re right in that sense. That said, we wouldn’t advise getting involved with a guy in his 30s, mainly because he’s in a different stage of life than you. Instead we’d suggest trying to find a more mature guy who’s a little bit closer to your age, which could be why you’re feeling so shy around older guys. Maybe a part of you is on their level, but another part of you is not. OUr sense is that when the right guy approaches you, you won’t be that tongue tied. But about that. If a guy is attracted to you, you’re not going to turn him off by being nervous or awkward. In fact, your shyness might even be a turn on. Guys like to feel in charge. Our suggestion for feeling less tongue-tied: Have a bunch of questions that you can ask a guy. For example: He says, “Hey, how was your weekend?” You say, “It was good.” And then ask him a question back. Something specific like, “How was yours? What did you do?” You want to ask open-ended questions that require more than a yes/no answer. Make sense? Questions for us?

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