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Why do guys call when they’re drunk?

Dear Guys,

Simple enough question, simple enough answer right? I’m expecting the answer to be along the lines of “booty call.”

BUT what if the guy who calls you is your platonic guy best friend of four years? He never wants to come and see me; he’s just always very soppy and loving and expressive when he’s drunk. He calls me and gets into the “I’m a lover not a fighter but if anyone ever layed a finger on you they’d have me to answer to,” kind of conversations. He’s even once called me drunk from the other side of the world on a lad’s holiday twice on two separate occasions tell me he loves me, misses me etc.

So why do guys call you when they’re drunk if you’re nothing more than friends?

Elle

Dear Elle,

Thanks for your question. Simple answer. Because he wants to be more than friends with you.

We don’t see this as a “booty call” inquiry. If so, why would he call from some distant place with no possible way of reaching you? We’ll answer our own question. Because you were on his mind. He was probably telling his buddies how into you he was, and how he missed you, and how he wished he could get the courage to talk with you, but he doesn’t want to make things awkward, so they said, “Just call her. Tell her.” And so a drunk call ensued. But since he was drunk he was less than articulate, and probably forgot the reason he was calling in the first place. Or chickened out.

At least that’s our interpretation. Are you surprised? What do you think? Would you be into having a relationship with this guy beyond friends?

Leave us a comment or ask a follow up question. (In the comments’ section below.) Also, please let your friends know about us. Share below on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or wherever you frequent.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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31 Comments on Why do guys call when they’re drunk?

  1. This kind of falls under the “drunk” category. I’m a little guarded, and I just want to make sure I’m not being too judgement/am reading intentions right. On Halloween, I met a guy. We made out a little and exchanged numbers. When I woke up the next morning he had texted me around 9am. We small talked a little and set up a date for Thursday night. He asked me if I’d like to go out or hang out at my place. I felt like he was testing me to see if I’d put out, but I decided to give him a chance and agree to the go out option. That day he gave me reasonable notice that he had to work late and rescheduled for Saturday after his mom’s birthday. Saturday rolled around, and he texted me mid afternoon saying that his mom’s birthday was going to run later, but we could meet up after. I said that would be fine, but at that point since it would be so late I’d go out with friends and we could meet up. He agreed to do that and texted me around 9pm to see if I was at the bar we agreed to meet. I told him when I got there and definitely meeting up turned into, “Cool I MIGHT show up” on his part. I decided that he was just blowing me off, but he texted me an hour before I had to take the train telling me my friends and I should come to his friends and that they had “multitudes of booze.” I said no and that we had all just bought drinks but that he was welcome to come for a drink where we were/where we had planned. I never heard anything, and I figured that he could have come if he wanted to, but he chose not to see me, a character flaw to me. I received a text from him three days later about the election and asking me “date soon?” I kindly told him that he had lost out when he chose not to show up Saturday. I tried to be as nice as I could, but I felt like I didn’t want to go out with someone who had blown me off. Four days later, I received a drunk 3am text from him that just said, “hwy.” I’m assuming this meant hey. I kind of felt like he was oblivious to what he had done, but I feel kind of badly at the same time and wonder if I was too judgmental. The saga his probably over after his drunken text because I didn’t answer. What is with this guy?! I’m not disappointed I passed this up, but I want to know from a guy’s point of view if I am being too judgmental in these situations or if I should have given him another chance. I’m aware this started off drunkenly, so I may have “asked for it,” but I just wanted to know.

  2. @Camryn……All we could think of was: Thank goodness there’s a woman out there who doesn’t settle for some irresponsible guy, who’s self-centered and immature. Good for you. Dating this guy would just be an exercise in frustration. We hope that helps ease your mind. Come back anytime and ask as many questions as you’d like. ps. We hope you’ll do us a favor and share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  3. Hey guys would a guy touch a girl if he didnt like her?

    brush shoulders “accidently” or “bump knees” that kind of thing.

    or they avoid touching girls they dont like?

  4. @Sarah……No he wouldn’t. Guys like to touch girls and they’ll go out of their way to touch them if they like them. Although brushing shoulders and bumping knees is different than a guy putting his hand on your shoulder, back, arm, or hand. That’s a better indication than accidental contact. Can you fill us in some more? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. @TGPBuzz. Also, please help a fellow reader out. Take a moment to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks.

  5. I have a question for the guys if possible, would you guys answer? I was visiting a friend down south and met a guy. We only spent the one night together because I was leaving the next day and have been texting since I came home to Scotland. I’ve got plans to visit my friend in February again as me and this guy had planned to meet up for a date. The other night we were txting and he said that he can’t believe that he has to wait until February to see me. And me being half serious and half joking said could always come up here if it got too much, even a wee lol at the end for good measure. And he thinks its an awesome idea and is now making plans to come up pretty soon. Would this be considered a grand gesture? I like him a great deal but I’ve always been kinda commitment phobic. Weird for a girl, right? And obviously he likes me, but would this be something considered fairly normal? Or would you say he wants something more eventually? Keeping in mind there are 300odd miles between us 🙂 xx

  6. @DeeDee……Well, fill us in a little. What happened when you met this guy? Did you sleep with him or just get to know him as a friend? There are two reasons he might want to see you: 1. He is interested in a relationship with you and already misses you. And wants to have sex with you. (This is all good) 2. He just wants to have sex with you again. (Not necessarily all good if you actually like this guy) So the question is: What is going on in his head? Fill us in a bit more and we’ll share some more opinions. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuz. And share on Facebook. Please help a fellow reader and take a moment to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks.

  7. I did sleep with him yeah. But would a guy really go 300 odd miles for that when he could get it on his doorstep. He has said that he likes me as well if that helps. And our texts haven’t been your normal sex txts that youd expec after something like that, it’s been more getting to know each other and asking questions to find out about one another. His idea, not mine. He also confessed to me that I’m the first person he’s slept with that he didn’t already know.

    DeeDee x

  8. @DeeDee…..Well, from what you describe this sounds like you’re developing a nice connection. Why don’t you just see how it goes? (And check back with us as things develop) To us, he seems interested in more than just sex. Our question to you: What do you want? Would you like to explore a possible relationship with this guy? ……To your question. Yes, a guy would travel great distances for sex. 300 miles is nothing if there’s a prize waiting at the end of his journey.

  9. Hahaha fair enough. Thanks guys! Yeh I think I would but I’m just a big scaredy cat! Lol 🙂

    DeeDee x

  10. @DeeDee…..Good luck and have fun. Definitely keep us posted. And ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like.

  11. Ah, ok, I saw this post and I had to ask something similar. I have asked about this guy before, but as some things happened with him again, I have to ask again.

    So, in a nutshell, I met this guy around a year and a half ago. We became good friends; we used to spend a lot of time together as we lived close to each other.

    Anyways…so basically, for this year and a half we have acted like something more than friends three times. It went to be more sexual the second time; third time, he definitely wanted to, but the conditions did not allow it, so it did not go very far. In all fairness, all of these encounters happened when we had been drinking.

    The problem that bothers me is the following: that guy has these friends from a long time ago, who he considers his closest and most important ones. They are a bit of a dysfunctional group in that way, as they meddle into each others’ lives too much and the other thing is that he seems to think he cannot find better friends. However, the funny part is that he cannot share with them the deepest and most painful things in his life that bother him greatly. Still, I guess due to habit and principle of “these are my best friends because I know them the longest and we share these great memories and that is the only thing that defines what good friends are”, he only puts extra effort in keeping in touch with those friends and sustaining these relationships.

    For most of the time, I see him in our group of friends or when we run into each other. We can talk for hours. It’s always fun; however, I am bothered by a person that is that immature. Still, the reason for me to ask about these things is that he does not seem to share his deepest pains with anybody. However, from time to time he drinks a bit more and his guard falls down and he always comes to me.

    Every time he shares with me these things that bother him: girl troubles, family troubles, tragedies in his life, etc. Every time he says there is nobody to tell these things to, ironically, he always tells them to me…I don’t know. Along with that, every time he looks for physical intimacy. Last time, I told him that wasn’t going to help him and I tried to push him away several times, but he just kept on being extra gentle till I eventually caved. In all honesty, I don’t really take situations like these very seriously, but he is weirder than other guys I have been in a similar situation with. For example, I have one idea about what these things mean; generally, I think he is upset, hence, he needs comfort. He is my friend, so before I wouldn’t deny him that because I can separate friendship, sex and romantic feelings. However, when it was about to happen again, I was not sure whether it was the best thing to do, mostly, because I was in a similar situation with a close person of his a week before that, and I started feeling like one of those easy girls, which I am not; however, friendships between guys and girls tend to get complicated. So, it was weirder because he would just sit in front me, hold my hand and look at me and expect for me to look back. I told him that was unnecessary. I was not upset; I didn’t need to be consoled. He said that maybe he was doing it for himself, stuff like that. The next day he apologized, of course, like every time. Again, I was fine with it.

    However, then some of his friend came from his hometown, and I started realizing some of the things I wrote above, and they started to bother me. I wasn’t sure if I should feel used. I don’t know how to feel, because he does these sharing sessions. I seem to be the only person he confides in, then the rest of the time it’s all very shallow.Then again, he remains very sensitive to what I say to him. I tried to tell him some things I think about his characters that weren’t very positive and he got really upset. I don’t know…I know I don’t like him, because of the fact that he is so emotionally attached to such a dysfunctional group, and I am a very independent person, so the thought of somebody being so dependent on others, without actually even being such, just claiming to be for some weird principle definitely turns me off. Also, I feel like he tries to keep himself in love with these old crushes of him, just for the principle of it, again, and that also repulses me a bit. Still, I cannot understand what is going on in his head, when he does these things with me.

    Before, I might think something. After a weird situation with another guy, I started to always think that guys are insincere when they are drunk, contrary to popular belief, and that they only want sex. However, the fact that he shares his deepest feelings with me and he is being so gentle confuses me and goes against my theory about drunk guys. So, I decided to just write you this short novel, as it evolved to be, and see if you have an opinion on the matter.

  12. @April……We’re not quite sure what issue you’d like our opinion on. The fact that he’s immature? His friends? His feelings towards you? (That’s our guess) But we’re thrown off by the fact that you say you don’t really like him. It sounds like you do and would like to know if he in fact reciprocates your feelings. We don’t get that sense. Yes, he confides in you. (Because he knows you’re cool and won’t judge him that way.) Yes, he occasionally wants sex from you. (All guys try that on their “girl friends” at some point.) But if were really into you he would have done something about it by now. Our suggestion: Keep it strictly platonic. And accept him for who he is—immature friends and all. And then start focusing your efforts on putting yourself out in the dating world. He’s not your guy and in fact, it seems he’s holding you back. Or rather, you’re holding yourself back.

  13. Well, I still say that I don’t like him. I know it seems that way, because I am so touched by the issue, but I am so sensitive about it because friends are very important to me, and I am bothered by the fact that it seems I have a friend, who actually seems to be using me from time to time for friendship, but for the rest of the time leaves me unsure if he cares for me as a friend at all. That’s my issue here, not romantic feelings, because, once again I say that there are many factors that impede on me developing any romantic feelings for him. I know most girls write you to ask about romantic feelings and guys; however, you are guys and I have an issue with a guy friend, so I thought it is still appropriate to write here about that issue.You can still give me insight into the male mind, even if it is about friendship. Neither he, nor I am holding myself back when it comes to guys or anything else. I never thought he liked me; at the very least, he always talks about the girls he likes in front of me; I doubt a guy would do that if he liked me. My relationship with him was not an issue two weeks ago. It became an issue when it happened and when his friends came afterwards. Additionally that other close person of his, he made it worse by mentioning that I am very important to them, etc. However, the actions do not support the words, and that hurts me, because, as I said, friends are a very important thing to me. I didn’t make myself very clear the first time. My issue is with the friendship, not with doubts about romantic feelings being involved.I don’t think he is my guy, and I do not want him to be. I want to realize what kind of a friendship we have. That is what matters to me, and I wonder if there is really friendship there, if I matter in that sense. What I wrote in the end of my first question to you, I wrote in the sense that he makes me doubt my theory about drunk guys being insincere, because in these moments he really seems to think and feel I am a close friend, and after all we are friends when we are sober as well. However, I explained his other friendships to you and his idea of friendship on purpose, to demonstrate the contrast between his other friends and me.I hope this makes my issue clearer, and I hope you can give advice on friendships between guys and girls, just as you can on relationships between guys and girls.

  14. @April…….Thanks for clarifying. Most guys don’t have female friends who they can talk to. But they should. Maybe he’s too “macho” or something normally, but when he’s drunk, his true feelings come out and that’s why he confides in you. He can’t do that with those other friends. However, the fact that this gets blurred by sex throws into question his true intentions. We get the sense he genuinely cares for you, but we also get the sense he expects “one stop shopping.” Friendship, heart-to-heart talks, advice, and sex all rolled into one. And we don’t think this is really going to change much. So really the question remains, how are you with this arrangement? What are you getting out of this friendship? (Another reason we were skeptical about what was going on for you originally.)

  15. I was having similar thoughts. It’s good to hear the same thing from a male perspective. I used to feel good about this friendship. However, even if there is genuine care somewhere there, it is not enough for me to see that only from time to time when he is drunk, so I definitely do not feel good about the friendship anymore. I have already started distancing myself from him, and I am probably going to keep it that way, so that if he tries to do something similar again, I just say “no.” Once again you have helped. Thank you very much, guys!

  16. @April……You’re welcome. Good luck.

  17. jublee786 // May 11, 2013 at 11:40 am //

    there is a guy. v met few weeks before. started chatting. hanging out together.even i called him home once to introduce to my mom.and he came with a gift. then my x somehow got to know and he called my friend.then me and my friend had a big fight and i returned his gift but with a keyring and a wallet for him.now everything is alrite between me and my friend. i apologis but then still the things not fine.he doesn’t talks that much like we used to do.. we had talked sometimes whole night before all this happened.. i want everything to get alrite again but how don’t know. he doesn’t talks to me on himself.but does if u cal him or msgs him.he keeps really busy but then still i expect him to ask me to go out. pls help.

  18. @jublee786…….We’re not sure what you’re asking. If he’s not trying to see you then there’s nothing we can say or you can do to change that. He’s got to want to make things alright as well. If he doesn’t then it’s time to move on. We’re sorry, but there’s not much more we can do.

  19. Kristie // July 4, 2013 at 12:05 pm //

    There’s this guy I work work sometimes (were on different shifts) he added me on Facebook after me taking a pic of him for fun and seein on many likes he can get, kinda a competition between him and I, but after he had requested me on Facebook he started messaging me. It’s always him asking me how work is , or how my days going, what I’m up too! Other times he’s drinking and wants me to come pick him to have sex or cuddle, I’m always turning him down! Asking him why he would want that, or saying he doesn’t want to do that, he needs to start thinking before he speaks! His answer is always why wouldn’t I want too! At work I really don’t talk to him and he will message me asking why I’m being mean! He will flirt with me a work and in messages! Sometimes I feel like he’s being mean but he says he just giving me shit! I will flirt back, but I’m not going to sleep with him and I have told him this! I’m not wanting a relationship of any kind because of guys messing with me an cheating on me! What is this guy doing to me? Is he messing with me?? What does it mean when guys flirt and go out of there way to talk to me but don’t show anything more?

  20. Hi guys,i’d like to have your point of view on this. I’ve known this guy for more than 3 yrs now, at first we were only drink buddies, but along the way we discovered that we share the same interests in life.. music.. movies… philosophy… etc… at some point i had a crush on him, so i slept with a random guy that we met together in a party.. (yeah silly i know)… after that he did not speak to me for 3 months, and the first thing he asked me when we met again was if i was in a relationship with the random guy.. i thought that maybe he was jealous.. i don’t know..it made me act all weird around him.. at the point that he asked me if i had feelings for him when he was really drunk… i deny.. another pause of 2 months in our “friendship”.. since then i’ve left the town where he lives for work reasons, it’s been a year now.. i frequently return there and meet him everytime.. our relationship as grown to something different since.i speak more freely even when sober, he does too.. but once drunk again he told me that maybe he loves me.. i didn’t reply… (yeah i’m a chicken).. two weeks ago he drunk called me. he was in some foreign country in vacation… he starts telling me that i was special to him.. i was different.. there was no one else he’d rather speak to.. etc.. i’m moving back to the city where he lives in a month and i really don’t know how to interpret all this.. if you could help.. thx a lot. vivi

  21. Hi, I’m just wondering a few things about my situation. This guy and i never have actually dated we have been on and off of talking for years since highschool. He left to another state for college. We have been on and off because its been hard for us to keep up with eachother. He usually comes down to visit and we reconnect really good when were together. He’s been away for about 5 months now and we just recently got into a big argument. Recently , like a lot , hes been calling me when he gets back from partying or at the bar. He’s wasted obviously but he can handle his liquor so he talks pretty normal and we have just small talk and he gets alittle bit more in depth with the convo then when he’s sober. I just am wondering what this means ? Like why does he call when he’s drunk? Thanks for any of the help !

  22. @Anna…….How old are the two of you? How often do you see him? Is your relationship physical? Meaning, do you have sex when you see him? How often do you talk on the phone, skype, text, email? What was your argument about?

  23. He’s 19 & I’m 18 were fresh out of high school lol. He comes down whenever there’s a break from college , which is their winter , spring and summer breaks which are a few weeks long. Yes me and him are sexually active when he visits. We try to talk to each other every day but it’s tough. We usually are on the phone calls or if we can’t we text. There has been times when we don’t talk for days. Our argument was about his ex girlfriend who he was deeply in love with and was for a long time and he texted me saying him and that girl talked and the first thing I assumed was that they were getting back together because that was one of the problems we had back in high school they would get back together and break up all the time even when he said they were done. He eventually told me that they just talked so there wouldn’t be any tension when he comes back down for the summer.

  24. @Anna…Thanks for filling us in. So what do you want exactly? Are you hoping for a relationship with him? Our sense is he’s enjoying his time with you, which includes drunk texting you, but he’s not thinking committed relationship. That could be because of the distance, or his age, but it could also be because he doesn’t see you this way. It’s hard to say since we don’t know him. What do you think?

  25. Well right now I don’t want a relationship because I know how hard it would be to do that when he’s a few states away. He tells me that he does want to be in a relationship eventually but he can’t right now because of school and everything he’s dealing with which is understandable. I hope to think that he wants to be with him knowing him and him telling me that he does.

  26. @Anna…..Well, to answer your original question. The drunk texting is not necessarily a bad thing. But keep in mind, alcohol can often make a guy uninhibited as well as horny. When that happens a guy might call a woman they are into. Question: Do you think he’s seeing any young women at school? Do you care?

  27. ConfusedAsHell // November 27, 2016 at 7:03 pm //

    So I’ve been off an on friends with my ex and also off and on having sex with him when I’m single.

    Background: we’ve known each other for years. Dated for about 6 months exclusively, five and a half years ago. I ended the relationship.

    He has told me since the time that we were dating that he wanted to have kids with me. He also wanted to marry me. I wasn’t ready for the commitment and didn’t feel he truly was either (he’s always been a player) and I ended things. I’m single currently. Hes dating a woman, but as far as I know has no commitment to her. We started going on small dates as friends and he tried to make moves on me little by little. He still tells me he wants kids with me and as I’m not getting any younger, I agreed and we had sex a few times. He seems pretty distant otherwise and now flakes on our plans, etc. So I distanced myself too. He started texting more, sending mixed signals and texts me every time he’s out drunk. Why? I feel that he may just be trying to keep his foot in the door and keep me as a last resort if other things don’t work out….or just keep me attached to his life for some reason.

    What’s your take on what his motives or feelings MAY be? I’m lost.

  28. @ConfusedasHell……Sounds to us that he loves the idea of being with you, having kids with you, maybe getting married, but that doesn’t jive with the reality. (Seems like he’s still kind of a playah.) In general, a guy will do or say anything to get a woman to have sex with him. Which means, all his overtures are really just his way of controlling you to a degree. We’re not saying he’s being overly manipulative, we’re just saying, he’s a guy who is not ready to commit. We agree with your assessment. (It seems he’s kind of keeping you around for two reasons: Sex, and as a backup plan in case something doesn’t work out.) Sorry. We hate to say that, but we don’t think this is going to work out. What you want to see from a guy is a consistent message that he wants to be with you, not just when he wants sex. Thoughts? Questions?

  29. ConfusedAsHell // November 28, 2016 at 1:03 pm //

    I think you’re absolutely right. I’ve always said he loves the idea of that, but isn’t capable of actually doing it and it seems he wants me trapped some way so that I’ll still be around in case he is ever ready.

  30. Sharrell // July 9, 2017 at 7:13 pm //

    Here’s a quick question. WHY would a man call when he’s drunk, saying sweet things but not asking for a booth call, but sometimes seem scarce the rest of the time? We met, saw him every day for a week, at his request. Then he said he’s not as ready as he thought. Understandable as he’s going through a nasty divorce. But we agreed to remain friends, hang out together,no sex has taken place. But now, even though, we’re just friends, he’s taken me to meet his family and friends. So of I’m truly in the friend zone…why is he calling drunk making plans for 6 months down the road?

  31. @Sharrell……What do you want to happen? Do you want to have sex with him? Or do you want a relationship? How do you know him? Were you friends or did you meet recently?

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