I really need your help, as I can not for the life of me figure out my boyfriend. We’ve been together for two years and we’ve been living together for a little over a year. I’m not perfect at all but I’d say I’m a pretty good girlfriend and have potential to make a great wife. He says he loves me & doesn’t want to hurt me, yet it’s like he can’t make up his mind. We’ll be fine one day & then the next day he’s so unsure about our future because he says he isn’t ready to settle down just yet. I’ve never even mentioned marriage or kids to him, we only live together, which I don’t see how that’s negative at all. Which leads me to my question: Why is it so hard for men to settle down with a good girl they love? If she gives you EVERYTHING and would make a great wife, why not hang onto her? Common sense right?
Yeah, you’re right. You’d think common sense would play a bigger factor, but it really doesn’t. Maybe for guys who’ve been around the block a few times it does, but remember, common sense stems from the mind, and for most guys—and we’d argue, most women—relationship decisions derive from the heart.
Something is holding your guy back and it’s not about how great a wife you’ll be. He knows you’ll be a great wife someday. That’s not the issue. Of course, what the issue is, is the great mystery here.
We’re not mind readers, but if we were to guess, we’d say he’s not telling you everything. Maybe something is missing for him, or just not quite right. It could be timing. It could be some internal struggle. It could be something about you. We wouldn’t even want to guess. But you need to reassure him that whatever it is, he can talk to you about it even if it might hurt. (It’s better to know, than not to know.)
Kae, some men need to go through this process in order to get to the other side. Uncertainty can evolve into deep love. That said, your man should believe that being with you is like hitting the lottery, and that he can’t do better, and doesn’t want to, or need to try. You might want him to settle down with you, but you don’t want him to settle for you. (Or you, him.) If he can’t make up his mind, then that in itself is a decision.
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