Why is it so hard for men to settle down with a good girl?

Read More: Relationship Advice and Dating Advice on Commitment issues

Hi Guys,

I really need your help, as I can not for the life of me figure out my boyfriend. We’ve been together for two years and we’ve been living together for a little over a year. I’m not perfect at all but I’d say I’m a pretty good girlfriend and have potential to make a great wife. He says he loves me & doesn’t want to hurt me, yet it’s like he can’t make up his mind. We’ll be fine one day & then the next day he’s so unsure about our future because he says he isn’t ready to settle down just yet. I’ve never even mentioned marriage or kids to him, we only live together, which I don’t see how that’s negative at all. Which leads me to my question: Why is it so hard for men to settle down with a good girl they love? If she gives you EVERYTHING and would make a great wife, why not hang onto her? Common sense right?


Dear Kae,

Yeah, you’re right. You’d think common sense would play a bigger factor, but it really doesn’t. Maybe for guys who’ve been around the block a few times it does, but remember, common sense stems from the mind, and for most guys—and we’d argue, most women—relationship decisions derive from the heart.

Something is holding your guy back and it’s not about how great a wife you’ll be. He knows you’ll be a great wife someday. That’s not the issue. Of course, what the issue is, is the great mystery here.

We’re not mind readers, but if we were to guess, we’d say he’s not telling you everything. Maybe something is missing for him, or just not quite right. It could be timing. It could be some internal struggle. It could be something about you. We wouldn’t even want to guess. But you need to reassure him that whatever it is, he can talk to you about it even if it might hurt. (It’s better to know, than not to know.)

Kae, some men need to go through this process in order to get to the other side. Uncertainty can evolve into deep love. That said, your man should believe that being with you is like hitting the lottery, and that he can’t do better, and doesn’t want to, or need to try. You might want him to settle down with you, but you don’t want him to settle for you. (Or you, him.) If he can’t make up his mind, then that in itself is a decision.

Feel free to ask us any follow-up questions, or leave us a comment below.

Take care,


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2 Comments on Why is it so hard for men to settle down with a good girl?

  1. i guess i’m having the same issue with my bf 🙁
    we’ve been together for a year, we were totally in love with each others. Few months ago he had to move abroad an now we’re having a long distant relationship. Lately, i guess he was afraid of the future of our relationship and he’s not ready for serious commitment. We barely have any big problems between us. Few days ago, he suddenly said he has lot going on his mind, he’s not missing me the same way, he loves me but he’s not sure about the future.
    And then he asked for a break to have some space
    He didn’t call yet, and i didn’t want to push him so i did nothing.
    Does that mean he wants to break up with me !? how much time should i give him before i call him or text him ?! plz help !!!

  2. @999….Your actual question was in the queue to be answered but we can give you some feedback here. If you want answers you should probably call him and try to talk to him. Honestly, he’s already broken up with you. That doesn’t mean it’s permanent, but a break pretty much means the same thing as a breakup. (It’s just a softer way of breaking up with someone.) We’re sorry. Usually when a guy doesn’t have anything specific to cite, he’s decided for some reason that it’s not right and not working for him. It could be that he waited until he moved to do this. (Not the best way to do it) You may or may not get answers from him, but you need to try. See what he has to say for himself. You certainly don’t want to be left wondering. We hope it works out for you.

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