Why isn’t he making a move?

Hey Guys!

I’m needing an honest opinion or answer from a guy’s point of view. I matched this guy on match dot com a few weeks ago. We met on our first date two weeks ago—had drinks somewhere local—and really hit it off. The date didn’t last long—two glasses of wine—but long enough where we had great conversation and halfway through he asked if he could see me again. I agreed. We left, he kissed me in the parking lot and when he arrived home he texted me. (We actually texted for almost two hrs).

The second date was in the same week we, met for dinner and again it went great. He paid, he was chivalrous, kissed me at the end of the night and asked when he could see me again. The weekend was busy for me and I only had Sunday so we planned a “lazy” date where we’d just lay around watch TV and be lazy. It was just that—we hung out on the couch, watched movies and of course kissed a lot, which was nice. He didn’t touch anywhere crazy, didn’t kiss below my neck and it seemed clear we weren’t going to have sex. Which, I was fine with. I was not pushing for sex or hoping for it but from previous men I’ve dated, all that laziness would’ve probably led to something else. Instead, he was very gentleman-like.

The 4th time I saw him, he was in my area and happened to stop over for about an hour—that time was only kisses as well. We sat around, chatted, kissed and he went home. On our 5th date I offered to cook dinner at my place and that night ended with only kisses even after about three glasses of wine for each of us. Our kisses got steamy but his hands did not go below my waist! He left around 11pm (I had work the next morning). We’ve been talking ever since and he’s usually the first one to text good morning and all that so I can definitely say I’m not forcing him. He seems fine when we talk and even asked to see me again, which would make it date #6. I laid in bed so confused that night as to why this guy wouldn’t make a move! Does he not find me attractive? Is he shy? Is he trying to be a gentleman? What is going on here?

Please help!


Dear Amy,

It’s refreshing to get a question such as yours, since we get so many questions from women wondering why their guy only wants sex. We know you’re confused as to why he’s not making a move, but are you unhappy? Meaning, if this relationship progressed forward, albeit slowly, would you be okay with that?

As to why he’s not making a move? (It’s not because he’s not attracted to you. If that were the case, you wouldn’t be on date #6.)

So what’s the deal?

-He could be shy. (We don’t get this sense. Otherwise he’d have trouble with other aspects of the courtship. Shy guys have a difficult time saying what they want. The fact that he’s asking you out tells us he’s not that shy.)

-He could be inexperienced sexually and nervous for you to find that out. Or something else related to sex that he’s nervous about you finding out. It could something personal in nature.

-He could have had a previous girlfriend that kept him at arm’s reach and so he assumes all women are like this, and that’s why he’s not making a more serious move.

But mostly likely, it seems as if you’ve found yourself an old-fashioned, chivalrous guy, who likes you for more than just your body. If you really like him, we’d suggest you stay the course and enjoy being courted slowly.

BUT……..If you want things to progress faster, you might need to take more initiative.

Have Fun,


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