I realized too late that I have an “insecure” attachment issue. Whenever my boyfriend of six years got too close or was committing, I got scared and pushed him away. This last time was the last straw for him and he decided he was done with me. It forced me to “hit bottom” and I’ve been in intensive therapy and group meetings to change.
The problem is that he wants to move on and doesn’t want to give me a second chance. He REALLY had a hard time with the breakup and he is already doing the online dating thing and meeting some woman out of state in a few weeks. His emails to me were that he needed “a break” and that he wasn’t going back to the way it was. I told him that I wasn’t giving up on us.
No contact doesn’t work as I’ve been doing that and that is what caused him to “move on.” Guys… do you know of anyone whose girlfriend screwed up and/or the couple got back together? We’ve been on “the break” for 2 months. Our six year anniversary was April 1st.
The simple answer to your question is, yes. We do know of guys who have given their girlfriends a second chance. However, so much depends on what happened during the relationship.
In your case, it sounds as if he’s exhausted from having to deal with your indecisiveness. It’s not the physical drain, it’s the emotional one. Clearly, you had most of the power in your relationship, and that’s tough on a man. He wanted to be serious, and you weren’t sure. You can see how this might be a blow to his ego. He probably wondered: Why I am not good enough for her? Am I not man enough? What else does she need? Is she looking for someone better?
After many years, he finally decided he couldn’t take it anymore. Or rather, you decided for him. And now that he’s free, he feels relieved. It’s going to take a lot to bring him back in the fold. But it’s possible
So how can you get him to trust you again?
Well, there are certainly no guarantees here. We don’t know his state of mind. But if you have any chance at all, you need to give him a consistent message. Reiterate that you were confused, and you realize you made a mistake, and that you’ve taken steps to work on yourself—therapy. Tell him that you’re different, and that you love him, and hope he’ll give you a chance to show him how different you are. He’ll counter with: “You just want me because you no longer have me.” (Would there be any truth to that?) If not, then you need to keep reiterating your message. It might take some time. And he might date other people in the meantime. (He needs to explore what’s out there before he’ll be ready to try again.) But if you stay the course—it’s hard to say how long—you might be able to get him to believe in you, and the relationship, once again.
We know your obvious question is: How long should I keep trying before I give up?
We can’t answer that. You’ll have to take everything into consideration and go from there. Feel free to check back in with us.
We hope it works out for you.