For about a month I have been talking to this guy who is 21; he just recently came home from overseas deployment for a year.
He lives above me. For a week before we started “messing around” we went out a of couple times. Sad to say, we had sex after the week. I really like him; he was making me happy, and I just wanted to make him happy in return. I was hoping he would get feelings for me if I slept with him.
For the week that we’d been “messing around” he would always spend the night. From my perspective guys who just wants to “get it” would “hit it, quit it, then leave” right? Well, after sex he would spend the night and cuddle. Weird thing is… we’ve never kissed during, before, or after sex.
This past week between us has been weird. We text less and there’s just that awkward vibe. I still give it to him, hoping it’ll change into something but from the looks and feel of it I don’t think it will.
Do guys look down on girls who give “it”up easily? Are guys able to make the transition from booty call to relationship? I’m hoping it will though considering I have eight months left on the lease and he lives above me.
I really want to be something with this guy. Not just FWB. What is your guys’ opinion on this situation? Will it go anywhere? And if right now is not the time, will it ever? I’m just so frustrated with myself. Someone help, any advice will help a lot. Thank you!
Thanks for your questions. Don’t be frustrated with yourself. Maybe you got a bit carried away but it happens all of the time. And he got carried away as well.
It’s hard to say how long a woman should wait to have sex, and if the duration of the wait determines whether or not the relationship will last or not. A week is on the shorter side, but it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. Some women withhold sex months and months thinking it’s what will keep their man interested. Maybe it does for that time, but a man can’t really determine the depth of his feelings until he has sex with a woman. We’re not saying it’s a “one and done” deal and after that he makes his decision; what we’re saying is that men need to experience the rise and fall of their emotions as they start having sex to help them determine what course of action they want to take. Without that information they can never really make a clear decision as to whether they want to stay with a woman or not.
That said, there are some signs that this relationship isn’t going anywhere. 1. No kissing. (Kissing is an intimate act. Have you ever seen the movie, “Pretty Woman?” Julia Roberts plays a Call Girl whom Richard Gere’s character falls for. They have sex, but she says no kissing. That is, until later in the movie where she finally allows him to kiss her, signifying that she’s fallen for him.) 2. Sporadic communication. (That’s usually not the best sign. If a guy is into a woman he wants to talk to her regularly. If for no other reason than to stake his claim.) 3. He’s never talked about a relationship with you. (If he hasn’t talked about a relationship it’s unlikely he sees potential here for anything long-term. Or he’s not looking for anything long-term.) 4. Cuddling is not necessarily a sign that he wants more. That’s part of the game. (Here are some signs: He wants to take you out a lot. He introduces you to his friends and family. He brings you to family outings. He buys you gifts.)
Emily, relationships don’t generally move from “Booty Call” or “Friends with Benefits” to something more serious. Have you watched our Video on the topic? Check it out: “Friend with Benefits” From our perspective, it doesn’t seem like this arrangement is going to be anything other than what it is. A casual good time.
One word of caution: Having sex with a guy is not going to make them develop feelings for you. Sex should be something you choose to do as a way to express your love. And for best results, feelings should be mutual.
We hope this at least helps to explain what’s going on in his mind. We’re sorry we couldn’t give you more uplifting feedback. We honestly think you should move on from this situation. It’s not good for your emotional well-being. Like we said before, don’t beat yourself up over this. Learn from it and move on and look for a situation that’s going to have some potential to blossom into something more than casual sex.
What do you think? We’d like to hear your thoughts? Do you have any other questions? Ask away.
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