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Will having sex make him fall for me? (Sex Advice)

Dear Guys,

For about a month I have been talking to this guy who is 21; he just recently came home from overseas deployment for a year.

He lives above me. For a week before we started “messing around” we went out a of couple times. Sad to say, we had sex after the week. I really like him; he was making me happy, and I just wanted to make him happy in return. I was hoping he would get feelings for me if I slept with him.

For the week that we’d been “messing around” he would always spend the night. From my perspective guys who just wants to “get it” would “hit it, quit it, then leave” right? Well, after sex he would spend the night and cuddle. Weird thing is… we’ve never kissed during, before, or after sex.

This past week between us has been weird. We text less and there’s just that awkward vibe. I still give it to him, hoping it’ll change into something but from the looks and feel of it I don’t think it will.

Do guys look down on girls who give “it”up easily? Are guys able to make the transition from booty call to relationship? I’m hoping it will though considering I have eight months left on the lease and he lives above me.

I really want to be something with this guy. Not just FWB. What is your guys’ opinion on this situation? Will it go anywhere? And if right now is not the time, will it ever? I’m just so frustrated with myself. Someone help, any advice will help a lot. Thank you!

Emily

Dear Emily,

Thanks for your questions. Don’t be frustrated with yourself. Maybe you got a bit carried away but it happens all of the time. And he got carried away as well.

It’s hard to say how long a woman should wait to have sex, and if the duration of the wait determines whether or not the relationship will last or not. A week is on the shorter side, but it’s not necessarily a deal breaker. Some women withhold sex months and months thinking it’s what will keep their man interested. Maybe it does for that time, but a man can’t really determine the depth of his feelings until he has sex with a woman. We’re not saying it’s a “one and done” deal and after that he makes his decision; what we’re saying is that men need to experience the rise and fall of their emotions as they start having sex to help them determine what course of action they want to take. Without that information they can never really make a clear decision as to whether they want to stay with a woman or not.

That said, there are some signs that this relationship isn’t going anywhere. 1. No kissing. (Kissing is an intimate act. Have you ever seen the movie, “Pretty Woman?” Julia Roberts plays a Call Girl whom Richard Gere’s character falls for. They have sex, but she says no kissing. That is, until later in the movie where she finally allows him to kiss her, signifying that she’s fallen for him.) 2. Sporadic communication. (That’s usually not the best sign. If a guy is into a woman he wants to talk to her regularly. If for no other reason than to stake his claim.) 3. He’s never talked about a relationship with you. (If he hasn’t talked about a relationship it’s unlikely he sees potential here for anything long-term. Or he’s not looking for anything long-term.) 4. Cuddling is not necessarily a sign that he wants more. That’s part of the game. (Here are some signs: He wants to take you out a lot. He introduces you to his friends and family. He brings you to family outings. He buys you gifts.)

Emily, relationships don’t generally move from “Booty Call” or “Friends with Benefits” to something more serious. Have you watched our Video on the topic? Check it out: “Friend with Benefits”  From our perspective, it doesn’t seem like this arrangement is going to be anything other than what it is. A casual good time.

One word of caution: Having sex with a guy is not going to make them develop feelings for you. Sex should be something you choose to do as a way to express your love. And for best results, feelings should be mutual.

We hope this at least helps to explain what’s going on in his mind. We’re sorry we couldn’t give you more uplifting feedback. We honestly think you should move on from this situation. It’s not good for your emotional well-being. Like we said before, don’t beat yourself up over this. Learn from it and move on and look for a situation that’s going to have some potential to blossom into something more than casual sex.

What do you think? We’d like to hear your thoughts? Do you have any other questions? Ask away.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it. @TGPBuzz. Also, please take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on our Ask our Audience page.

 

17 Comments on Will having sex make him fall for me? (Sex Advice)

  1. Hi Guys,

    I just need a guys help with this problem.

    I have been friends with this guy, I’ll call him Tyler, for a few years but we’ve become really close in the last three months. We are both in our freshman year of college, just to give you an idea there and we live in the same building (I live just above him). I have had a strictly friend relationship with Tyler and we’ve told each other about our casual hook-ups (I’m in a sorority and he’s not Greek) with other people.

    About a month ago I hooked up with Tyler’s roommate, let’s call him Jake, and Tyler called my cell phone and told me not to do it while I was still in the act. It was after this that I realized I have feelings for Tyler and we’ve talked about it, but he says the only person he wants a relationship with is this girl he was friends with in high school so we’ve agreed to just be friends.

    Last night I was hanging out with Jake because we’ve become friends and we were teasing Tyler, leading him to believe we’d been fucking for a while now. Tyler got all moody and kept trying to get me to come to his room to get me away from Jake. He wouldn’t leave Jake and I alone.

    I finally went to talk to Tyler and we hooked up. I am not sure if he just wants to be friends with benefits or he just wants me not to hook up with Jake so he’s taken it upon himself to claim me as a hook-up-buddy so I don’t go find it elsewhere. He says he doesn’t want anything but to hook up and then keep our relationship as JUST friends, but I am not sure what to do. If he doesn’t have feelings for me, why does he care who I hook up with? I think it would be self destructive to make a habit of hooking up with him. What do you think? What is he thinking?

  2. @Rae……Honestly, we think you should stop hooking up with both of these guys. They’re roommates right? Doesn’t that seem a bit “incestuous” if you know what we mean? Clearly Jake doesn’t seem to care who you hook up with, but Tyler is feeling territorial. It could be because he’s interested in you, but it could also be because of his roommate. Is his roommate someone that gets a lot of girls? If so, Tyler might be jealous in general. Is that possible? Either way, we really don’t think it’s a great idea to continue being with either of these guys. It’s okay to be friends, but anything more seems like it’s not going to end well. What do you think? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuz. And share on Facebook. Please help a fellow reader and take a moment to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks.

  3. @Guys Thanks for the quick reply! Yes, they are “suitemates” but I am pretty sure that’s like the same thing as roommates.
    Jake actually had a thing for me for a while but he is in a Fraternity and has this blasé attitude about sex so I didn’t want to have anything to do with him. But he’s actually a really nice guy aside from that and seems to care about our friendship. The other night he slept in my bed with me and didn’t try anything, which I though was very considerate. The time Jake and I hooked up he didn’t initiate it either, so he is a decent guy.

    I don’t think Tyler is jealous of Jake. Jake has only had a few “friends” and Tyler does pretty well for himself too. Tyler thinks Jake is dirty and generally just doesn’t really like him. So maybe that’s it. Tyler just wants to screw people without any sort of emotional repercussions since he’s in love with that girl from high school who never gives him the time of day. But even if he can sleep at night after doing that I think he fails to realize the girls he is doing this with can’t detach themselves the way he does.

    I agree. I don’t think I should hook up with Tyler again. I think that would be a very bad idea. I also don’t want to just hook up with Jake either. I am tired of being treated like a piece of meat, so I definitely think I should stop acting like one. I think I deserve better than the situations I’ve put myself in. I would like to be taken out, shown off, and be shown a little love. This doesn’t happen to girls who give people what they want right away and I am aware of that.

  4. @Rae…….Thanks for clarifying for us. You definitely deserve better, but don’t beat yourself up over this. Things happen and we learn from them. But like you said, it starts with you. Putting this behind you is a good first step. Good luck and keep us posted. Come back and ask another question anytime. And thanks for sharing our site with all of your friends. We appreciate it.

  5. @oneoftheguy Thanks 🙂 Will do.

  6. Ok so I have been friends with a guy for over 2and a half years. But back then when I told him how I felt he didnt feel the same but now after two and a half years we are hanging out more and kissing and cuddling screening a normal couple will do but just no sexcause we think it should be after marriage even though we both want to but the thing is I’ve told him do you ever see us together, he say I don’t see us like you do. Then I say what do you mean, he goes idk with work and the state of a relationship is just to much right now and I go I what about with time he goes I don’t want to promote false hope so idk. He is and always has been honest with me we hangout he holds my hand does sweet things. He likes that I’m a good person I never complain and he loves my heart and calls me beautiful but he works allll tge time he is a hardworker. He feels bad at times though cause he feels he is corrupting me he has alot of respect for me. We cuddle, we done everything from base 1-3 just not sex. We do everything a couple does just no sex. I know I can conitnue this and see what happens wether a relationship which I hope it is! He also told me recently I wanna have you and do stuff idk what that means can anyone help??

  7. So what about the other side of this coin, @Guys? Will having sex with a guy make him fall for you? I’m friends/classmates with an adorable, smart, funny, awesome guy…Anyways, we flirt. He flirts and touches, he compliments my hair and outfits, my poise and intelligence. He gets jealous, everyone can tell. We’ve stayed over each other’s place and we’ve kissed, made meals for each other, held pinky fingers in the library, etc., but he won’t seal the deal. Is he afraid that things will get “real” if he does? Does he not want to get seriously involved? He recently (over 6 mos. ago) had some bad luck in a relationship, and I’m in the same boat from a long term. We’re in a very intensive program, yet we have time to hang, so what’s his deal? Thank you!

  8. @Jaime….From our experience guys usually know right away what potential they see with a woman. So if he sees you as relationship potential, then yes, having sex will further solidify that feeling. (Unless it doesn’t go well, which is rare.) However, if he’s unsure about you, or fears a relationship, having sex will be just that: Having sex. And it’s likely if that’s the case, that it will turn into more of a Booty Call situation, and you’ll just be frustrated. Our suggestion: Go with this a bit more and see if he opens up to you. But we’d hold off on the sex until you get a better sense of how he feels about you. Thoughts?

  9. Both of us were attached and in troubled Long distance relationships. What we did was wrong but we were just attracted for the past year and we were very good friends. We are both pretty mature adults (>25).

    I just want to know what he means because it really bothers me.

    I’m a virgin, he’s not. It was just this once when we kissed and things got hotter when he was necking,n he was kissing my neck. He started asking how long do i intend to wait. he commented that the longer I wait, the more painful it was. I replied that I will only save it for someone who loved me so this is as far as I would go. I guess it’s because I felt that we are both attached.
    He started telling me that guys cannot perform when they are drunk, and repeated that the older I am the more painful it will be. Then he said, but I think u’ll be all right. It’s like he is reasoning with himself.

    And he stopped and we lay in each other’s arms. And that was it.

    What does this mean? Does he care or was he was deciding to have sex or not?

    Things have become abit awkward for me, but he said that he don’t feel awake and invited me over to eat dinner liked we used to. I had considered him a possibility but I’m not sure where we are going.

  10. @Renny…..Well, obviously he wants to have sex with you. Beyond that it’s hard to say. How long have you dated?

  11. We got quite close in the last 6 mths but we’ve known each other for more than a year.

    Given that we are attracted to each other but still not separated from our respective bf and gf, I’m having a guilt attack. I wasn’t sure how to face my friend as well.

    He said he felt ‘abit’ guilty but he don’t feel awkward. He said he just want to invite me for a meal as usual, and hang out as friends, and was implying he wasn’t looking for sex.

    I’m confused. What’s going on with him?

  12. I was also wondering why he stopped, even though I was glad he respected my wishes.

  13. @Renny………This is just going to keep being confusing. He wants sex from you, but doesn’t want to look like that’s all he wants. Thus, confusion. Our suggestion: Deal first with your respective partners and then figure this thing out. But our gut tells us this isn’t going anywhere even if you were both broken up.

  14. I’m pretty devastated. I was hoping he do care more, beyond just sex. But that was what I was looking for not him.

    We jeopardised the friendship, and he chose to do it for sex. What was he thinking? What was I thinking?!

  15. I was just wondering if that would have made us friends with benefits? I thought that just refers to people who hook up but have no basis even as a friend. I thought we were friends as we had confided in each other, he contacted me every day at one point and we go for movies and stuff. But we usually go Dutch.

    If i’ve unfortunately, become a friend with benefit,why did he choose me then, and am I not good enough to be more? What is missing?

  16. @Renny……We’re sorry. Only you can answer those questions. We don’t know why he doesn’t want more. It just seems that way to us. Some people just aren’t able to see what others see. That’s why love is so fickle and relationships are so unpredictable. Hang in there and don’t beat yourself up over this. Take care.

  17. Hi Guys,
    Can you clarify my conundrum? I’ve read on another website similar to this and believe you echo this sentiment as well that you shouldn’t sleep with a guy until you know he’s committed, but if he doesn’t know if he really likes you until AFTER you have sex as you’ve said they need to experience the emotinal high and low, what’s a girl to do?
    I have a third date this week and really like him but have no intentions of sleeping with him just yet even though I’d like to. I’m curious, how do you tell a guy you won’t sleep with him until you’re exclusive without it sounding like an ultimatum, needy or pressuring him??

    Many thanks!!

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