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I had a “Friends with Benefits” arrangement for over six months with this guy. He said he didn’t want a relationship but he enjoyed my company so much. During this time we would hang out, watch movies, make dinner together and at times go out on dates. He would sleep over at my place and I would sleep over at his place.
It was great and I think he was a little jealous because at times he would ask me if am sleeping with someone else and I would assure him I wasn’t.
A few days ago he decided to end it. And though I miss him, I believe there is nothing I can do to have a relationship with him. My question is, how do I get over this and will he come back one day??
It sounds like you really care about this guy. We’re sorry things didn’t work out.
It’s going to take time to get over him, but maybe looking at it from a different perspective will help speed up the grieving process. Here’s the thing Rebecca. It may have seemed like you were in a relationship with him, but the fact is, FWB is more of an arrangement rather than a relationship. Which means that the way he viewed things was different than how you viewed them. Sure, we know you understood what it was, but understanding intellectually doesn’t mean feelings can’t develop. And of course, that changes everything doesn’t it?
Keep in mind that if he saw long-term potential with you he would have asked you to be his girlfriend. He didn’t do that, which means he didn’t see you as someone he wanted to be in a relationship with. (We are sorry. We know this is hard to hear.) And this is the big problem with these types of arrangements. (FWB, Hook Up, F-Buddies, etc.) They blur the lines and make everything very confusing.
So to answer your second question first. No, we don’t get the sense he’ll come back. Or rather, he may come back, but only to continue with the perks of a FWB, not to begin a relationship. And based on the tone of your note, we don’t get the sense that resuming a FWB would be enough for you. Would it?
To your first question, How do you get over him? Well, this is pretty straightforward. Understand that you deserve better. And don’t settle for less. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you just as you love and respect them. This guy may have been a great guy, but he wasn’t willing to commit on any level. Hold on to that thought and maybe getting over him will become easier.
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Take care of yourself,
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