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I’m short and I don’t feel I’m beautiful

Also Read: Do looks matter?   and  High school dating: Am I hot or not? 

Dear Guys,

I’m 4’11” and I’m 16; I feel like I can’t be beautiful.

Because of my height, I can’t dress the way I want to, because I’ll always look like a little girl trying to look older. I want to be able to wear red lipstick, and wear pretty dresses, and makeup without always looking like I’m younger than I am. I doubt I’ll grow anymore and it really sucks.

What do you think I should do? 🙁

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

We understand that you’re at an age where all the girls are “experimenting” with fashion and their looks. Sure, girls want to look and feel attractive, so they put on lots of make up and wear revealing clothes to try and look older and more seductive. And to a degree it works. Guys certainly notice girls who look this way, but not necessarily for the best of reasons.

However, our answer is not going to turn into a lecture Sarah. We know you understand that inner beauty is most important, and that you are so much more than just your physical looks and dimensions. We’re sure you’ve been told all of that before. And while we agree with that sentiment, we also understand that you really want some answers to what’s bothering you.

Your Height: 

Let’s say a guy is shorter than average, maybe three inches shorter than an average guy. Even though it shouldn’t matter we know it does, because most women want a man who is taller than them for a variety of reasons. So what happens is—and certainly not in every case—a shorter guy’s options can be limited. Of course this can be made up in a variety of ways. He’s smart, charming, rich, athletic, etc. But for the normal every day guy it’s tough being short in the competitive dating world.

But for a women it’s typically not an issue at all. And 4’11” is considered petite, which is totally in the realm of average. And frankly, most guys don’t even care really, especially as they get a little older. Sarah, please don’t determine your beauty by the lens of a teenage boy. Teenage boys basically go for flirtatious girls with big boobs. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) But what we’re saying is their scope is very limited. Whereas guys who are a little bit older—college and into their twenties and beyond—have a much broader palette when it comes to whom they’re attracted to.

Your Youthful Appearance: 

At 16, you may have matured on some levels, but you’re hardly fully matured even if you’ve stopped growing vertically. Trust us, when you head off to college in a few years—if you choose that path—your appearance will already have changed. And it only continues. The difference between the way a person looks at 16 and say 25 is usually quite striking. You’ll be surprised. (Hopefully in a good way!)

Also, it sounds like you’re one of the lucky people who looks younger than his/her age. Maybe it’s annoying to you now because people think you’re 13 when you’re really 16. But when you’re 30 and people think you’re 23 you might like it. And we can guarantee at 40, when people think you’re in your early 30s, you’ll love it. And so on.

Sarah, we think you should focus on being 16 and figuring out who you are and who you want to be. Sure, experiment all you want, but try not to worry so much. What’s happening now in your life doesn’t necessarily determine how the rest of your life is going to be.

Our one piece of advice: Once you start to truly accept the way you look, you’ll immediately become more attractive to everyone around you. People are always drawn to people who are comfortable in their own skin.

Here’s another post to read about guys and what they look for in a girl/woman: Do looks matter?

Let us know if we can answer any other questions you might have now, or in the future. And please let your friends know about us. Leave us a follow up comment/question here in the comments section. We’ll respond here as well.

And try to have some fun Sarah!

THE GUYS

ps. Readers, please leave Sarah a comment. We’re sure she would love some more feedback. Thanks!

Questions about the Prom: (If you have a question about your upcoming prom, ask away.)

A confused girl; the prom

The prom 

7 Comments on I’m short and I don’t feel I’m beautiful

  1. Hi Sarah! I just had to reply to your question. I am the same height as you, but well into my twenties. When I was younger I worried just like you did about my height. But as I’ve gotten older, life has gotten better. People (and guys) were much more open-minded and respectful toward me for who I was as a person.
    Don’t be shy to be yourself! Your confidence is what will attract the right people.
    As for looking your age, it is tricky but there are now so many options for petite ladies. If something doesn’t fit…alter it to fit. Go ahead and wear make-up and those cute dresses, who says you can’t? You’re at a wonderful age and you should be enjoying every second of it!
    Be proud of your size and own it. Good luck! 🙂

  2. @Lily…..Thank you for your encouraging and helpful words. It’s good to get an older perspective on this topic.

  3. Michelle // May 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm //

    Aw Sarah, don’t worry! I guarantee you when you are in your 20’s and 30’s you’ll totally be strutting your stuff… 4’11 is a beautiful height and it’s all the more reason to wear heels, a source of fantastic superficial happiness (at least for me). I’m 30 years old but it’s only been in the last 5 or 7 years that I’ve fully matured confidence-wise. I was extremely shy and awkward when I was your age. I was actually too shy to even wear makeup because I never wanted to draw attention to myself. Now I never leave the house without eyeliner and I actually look very young for my age. People tend to think I’m in my early to mid-20’s and it’s the best feeling (and you’ll experience this) when security staff want to see your I.D. because they are not sure if you’re of legal age. When I was 27 I convinced subway staff (the transit system) that I was 17 because they caught me using a high school subway pass… so I got out of a $150 ticket! I was I.D.’d last week at a pub and the waiter did a total double-take. He got a good tip from me. But all I’m saying is embrace your petiteness and your youthful good looks. Besides, a lot of my guy friends love to have a girlfriend they can just pick up and give a big hug & kiss to when they are with them. You’re helping their macho-ness as well, which will work to your advantage when you start dating… as in you know, your 20’s… no rush 🙂

  4. @Michelle…….Thanks for your positive and encouraging words.

  5. Hi Sarah
    I can really relate to what you are going through. I’m in my 30s now, but I am 5’1″ and was that height at your age AND I looked really young at 16, so much younger than anyone. I was quiet and really shy too. However, I developed myself from the inside- I had unique talents and interests and my inner beauty came through. I worked with the physical beauty I did have. I never wore red lipstick… but I didn’t need it. I actually wound up being the only girl in my high school that had a boyfriend for 3 1/2 years (and he was 6’5″!). I sort of wish now that I had just been a normal 16 year old girl who developed herself and didn’t focus so much on a boyfriend. Your height is perfectly normal for a woman and if you are worried about men- many men like short women because we make them feel big and strong. I’m sure a lot of men have walked right past me and pursued women who are more the “ideal” body type, but I’ve always dated attractive men who were attracted to me, so focus on all of the beautiful aspects of yourelf and make the most of them. There are lots of women out there who are the “ideal” beauty but they have not developed their inner selves, and they are not that attractive in the end. Look at these awful Kim Kardashian type people- she’s gorgeous, but completely self absorbed. What man will put up with her long term? Your body is going to change a lot as you get older and there will always be things you don’t like about it. But I really recommend focusing on the good things about it and you will feel more comfortable and happy with it. People are very envious of me now that I look younger than I am and it is a nice payback for what I went through as a teenager. My boyfriend is similar. He is 40 now and people are stunned- he looks 25!

  6. @Wendy…….Thanks for your supportive words. It’s nice to hear your story.

  7. Hey sarah , well the grass is always greener on the other side because im 5″10 and always wished to be short. I always get guys that are wayy older than me to be attracted to me and I hate that ! To me all the cute guys are the shorter ones but yet I would never feel comfortable unless I was shorter. I feel soooooooo awkward in heels so I never wear them bcoz I would look like a lamp post or something lol. Even at prom I made my boyfriend hold my shoes so I wouldn’t be taller than him. Sighzzz. For my wedding im gna wear flats.Every one tells me I have a beautiful model height but Idc abt that i always wanted 2 be petite so my guy can sweep me off my feet lol he still tries but fails. I wna be short like 5″2. guess we all have to learn to be comfortable in our own skin! ):)

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