I am still in love with my ex-husband but I am getting mixed emotions from him. A little background first. My now ex-husband and I met five years ago and we have been together for four years and were married for three years. We both have children from previous relationships and do not have any kids together.
In February we got into an argument and it got heated to the point of him wanting a divorce. So he filed for divorce and I struggled through everything. I never wanted the divorce, but agreed to make him happy. In April I received a random text messages from him and he has been texting me everyday since. I have told him that I want him back. He says he only wants to be friends. So I told him that I couldn’t come see him anymore and that I had to move on with my life. So I didn’t talk to him for about three days and he text me again randomly telling me that he wished things could be different between us, and that he cares about me and has feelings for me and he really wants us to get back together.
But there is one small problem. He doesn’t want the responsibility of more kids. He doesn’t want my kids or his kids involved with other people. That is a problem because all of our children are small. He wants me to move in with him and us live together and enjoy life together. We have hung out just the two of us and things were great. I have spent the night with him and it was amazing. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me without me doing anything. I am so confused. I want to be with him so badly but at the same time I love my kids and can’t leave them behind.
Can anyone give me some advice?
Thanks for your question.
Relationships are complex. And when you add kids into the mix things can get even more complicated, especially when a couple has never really had time to have a relationship separate from the kids. But the thing is Kayla, your kids are part of you. They can’t be separated. The two of you can dream all you want about how it might be just the two of you, but the fact of the matter is, you both have kids, and you both know your kids are your first priority. Good for you.
If he really doesn’t want the extra responsibility of more kids, but he truly loves you and wants to be with you, why can’t the two of you just have a serious and committed relationship but don’t live together? There are a growing number of married couples that have separate abodes because of their job situation, or so they can have their own space. You could talk during the week, maybe see each other one weekday night, and then spend weekends together. Or some other arrangement. Maybe it’s not the typical marital arrangement, but it can work if the two of you are committed to making it work. And maybe you could have a mutual goal, where you keep this arrangement until the kids are a bit older and then you reevaluate your living situation at that time.
There are no rules here. The two of you can figure out a plan that works best for you and your families. But the bottom line is, your kids come first. His kids come first. As long as that’s clear for both of you, then we’re confident you’ll come up with a workable solution.
Finally, if he’s not willing to try whatever it takes to be with you, then maybe he’s not the right guy for you. He should be putting as much effort into coming up with a solution as you are. Please be aware of this and keep your eyes open. If he’s not, you’re just going to become resentful of him. And that won’t bode well for your relationship and the future.
Good luck and please keep us posted as this progresses. Also, feel free to leave us a follow up comment with your thoughts. And/or a follow up question.
ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!
Other related questions: