My girlfriend is cheating with more than one guy

Dear Guys,

I have been seeing a woman who told me she wasn’t in a relationship. She called me one night to tell me she has been seeing a guy who talked her into having sex with other men while he watches. I have told her she is in a potentially dangerous situation. She says she enjoys it.

I am devastated. What should I do? This I find out has been going on for a couple of years.

Thomas

Dear Thomas,

Thanks for your question. We’re sorry you’re going through a tough time.

Well, the one positive thing we see here is that she at least was honest with you, and felt compelled to tell you what she was up to. However, besides the obvious physical danger she could be in, we have to wonder about her self-esteem. How does she view herself? That’s not to say that women can’t engage in sexual activity that men might even be lauded for. (Its quite the double-standard in our society.) But the question is more, why is she doing this particular activity? Is it because she truly enjoys it for what it is? Is it because she wants to please the guy who is watching? Is it because she’s trying to make you jealous? What is it?

We’re not so sure this woman is ready for a relationship.Being open to trying new things is a great quality. And dating a women who is open to trying new sexual things is a bonus. (At least that’s what we’ve heard from many guys.) But having a partner who is willing to do anything and everything just to gain approval, means that person is putting the needs of others before her own. That may sound enticing at the onset, but it’s guaranteed to get tiring pretty quickly. (It’s nice to know our partner has his/her own ideas, and is not afraid to express those ideas.) Mutual respect is important for relationships to grow.

The other question is, how serious is your relationship? Or rather, how serious do you think your relationship is? Her view of your relationship seems to be different than yours. Once you figure out the first problem—her questionable activity— you’re still left with working out a relationship that works for both of you. (If that’s even possible.)

Thomas, start with trying to sort out why she’s behaving like she’s behaving. Then if you still want her back the two of you need to sit down and decide how you want to proceed moving forward. If you’re not sure about all of this, then now’s an easy time to move on.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. Please consider a small donation to THE GUYS. And let your friends know about us. Feel free to ask us as many follow up questions as you’d like. (Below in the comments section.)

2 Comments on My girlfriend is cheating with more than one guy

  1. My ex boyfriend and i were together for about one month. He was 33 and i was 18. I was really into him and i found out he was into me aswell, so it started of with s** and then we decided a relationship would be good, so we started dating and things were going great he went away for two weeks and when he got back thigns were great. I was so happy with him as he made me feel beautiful and told me to my face that i was and was just generally very caring. Anyway one weekend we had planned to go into town for the weekend to spend quality time together, and anyway he was at work and text me telling me he couldnt go into town because he was working, so i got really upset and reacted badly and said to him “what is the point in us being together” anyway he responded to “i know i am so sorry” and i said dont worry about it im used to being put to the side. and we kept talking and he asked me if i wanted to be with him and i said yes i do but im sick of you giving in and working you have to start putting yourself first because im sick of never spending time with you. and i said do u want to be with me ” and he said i do but im also sick of it” he then called it off, i begged him not too but he still did. and it hurt so much i couldnt even talk to him but when i could we started talking again and it was hard getting used to the idea we were over. and we then decided to be friends with benefits so we hooked up and stuff and it was fun. but im worried thats not all it is. You see i hooked up with another guy and stood him up and we got into a massive fight over it (we sorted things out now though) and anyway i said to him if we didnt plan sex would have ypou still gotten upset and he said “yes” and i was utterly shocked due to he told me he got jelous. Anyway i let it go, and i stayed at his house and we cuddled all night, the next day he didnt talk to me until night time.and he still was upset with me, i seen him at the pub and he was very touchy (oh wait that was a couple of days later) and yeah. the other night h!
    e was ca
    lling me beautiful and calling me dream boat (sexy lady) and stuff. And he kept saying he was going to bed but kept texting me, anyway last night we spent an hour on the phone to eachother. He keeps saying i know i broke it off. but why is he being like this? If he broke it off why is he acting like this. He says he still cares about me and has feelings for me. but im afraid it was people judgements that tore us apart. I just dont know what to do its hurting me but its makking me happy.

  2. @Becca……This was a little confusing but we think we’ve got it. FIrst of all, please watch our video on Friends with Benefits. Go to our video page. We’re not big fans of FWB. The reason? Well, if you’re hoping something will develop again, it’s probably not going to happen. A guy agrees to a FWB arrangement when he doesn’t want a relationship but just sex. It sounds like that’s what’s going on here. He broke up with you for whatever reason, but he’s happy to continue having sex with you. You might wonder why he’s jealous then? Well, guys are territorial. If he’s having sex with you he doesn’t want you having sex with other people. And even when a guy breaks up with a girl he doesn’t want her having sex with other guys. We’re just wired that way. Any other questions? Feel free to ask away. And keep us posted as this progresses.

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