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A confused girl; the prom

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Episode 36: You Tube sensation, a father’s appreciation, pajamas in public

Dear Guys,

Before I start my explanation I just want to say I’m sorry for how long this might end up being but I feel you must know certain things to understand everything. In other words this is going to be one hell of an explanation.

So there’s this guy that I’m friends with. I’ve known him for 5 years and I’ve liked him for a while now. I think it was a year or two ago he had said that he didn’t like me the way I liked him. I told him.(Which I feel like I shouldn’t have). We’re still close friends and we hang out and we can pretty much tell each other stuff. He also acts very differently with me than the other girls. My friends think he’s a flirt and a jerk but they don’t really know him like I do.

Just last summer when we were hanging out and we were dared to kiss—well actually make out. At first he didn’t want to because I could tell he felt a little awkward. However in the end we did kiss and not just once but twice—both a dare and the second time longer than the first. And after our make out session he had told me that he was “wooded.” (In other words, he was turned on but he said he didn’t know why for it doesn’t always happen.)

Also, about a month ago I was going to ask him to prom. In our conversation before I asked him he said he didn’t want to go. That’s when I said well I would’ve gone with you just as friends if you wanted. I then found out later from him that he had decided to go to prom so I was going to ask him by actually asking the question but we got interrupted. So instead I decided to use my drawing talent and draw his favorite football player catching a ball in the endzone with “prom” in the football. I guess I waited too long to ask because when I asked him he said “sorry but I already have a date.” But he still wanted to keep the picture. (I heard that he said it was special to him.)

Before prom I took a picture with him in which he held me tightly around the waist. After the picture, he did seem to let go of me slowly and when he let go completely our hands brushed. He then put his fingers slightly in between my own to interlock them slightly. I was surprised by his unexpected touch and as I responded the girl who asked him to prom called him over and that ended. Then at prom I’d be dancing with my friends then he’d appear somewhere near me. No matter where I went he was always there. I did dance with him once, in which we were very close to each other. But that as well was interrupted by his date who was calling him over to take a group picture that she was paying for. When she called him he seemed to not hear her though she wasn’t far and everyone could hear her. Then when he did hear her he was unsure/confused on what to do, for he hesitated in letting my waist go, and he let go slowly saying “sorry”. We didn’t dance again after that for he didn’t want to be disrespectful to his date.

What I’m confused about is well everything he has done. He says he doesn’t like me but we kissed; he didn’t have to but did and seemed to enjoy it because apparently that doesn’t always happen. And what was that before and at prom? Was that hand thing an accident and I’m just thinking too much? Why did he let me go slowly twice? And why was he always dancing with his date somewhere next to me? What the hell do I do?! I’m soo confused. Does he like me or not? Help me please!

Sincerely,
Carly, A very confused 18 yr old girl

P.S. Again I’m so sorry this is ridiculously long and detailed.

 

Dear Carly,

Thanks for your question. We don’t mind long and detailed at all. It gives us more information to formulate an opinion.

Your guy sounds as confused as you are, but a lot of it is his age. Teenage guys are especially “all over the place.” His hormones are going nuts; he’s surrounded by cute girls; he and his friends are competing; and he’s trying to keep it all together and look cool. And it isn’t possible.

Yes, you’re getting mixed signals, but we think you have to listen to what he’s saying. We understand the two of you had a moment, and it’s obvious he enjoyed himself, but that doesn’t mean he wants anything more than that, especially since he said he didn’t. “Getting wood” as you say, could happen just as easily while walking down the hallway at school, as it can making out with a girl. We’re not saying he wasn’t turned on by your “session” but just that the two things—physical contact and emotional bonds—are not necessarily linked for teenage guys. (Or for any guy for that matter.)

It also seems to us that if he was really into you the way you’re hoping, he would have asked YOU to the prom, instead of keeping his options open and then going with the first person who asked him. And that would explain why he might have been flirting with you at the dance. It’s likely he wasn’t way into his date. She asked, and he accepted. Simple as that. So he was letting you know that even though he was at the dance with her, he was not “taken.”

But Carly, just because he’s still available doesn’t mean he’s waiting for you, or that you’ll be happy if you ended up with him. We think he has some growing up to do. If it doesn’t bother you too much, why don’t you stay friends with him and just see what happens? Maybe in a few years he’ll mature and realize what a wonderful catch you are. But our gut tells us if something happens now, which it certainly could, it will be short lived and you’ll be more confused, and possibly resentful and hurt when it ends.

Please keep us posted. And leave us a follow up comment, either with new information, another question related to this, or your thoughts.

Here’s another post you might find interesting. Check it out.

Do looks matter?

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. One comment you said struck a funny chord with us: you said he didn’t always get “wood” when he made out. Is it possible he’s gay? We’re just wondering. That might explain some of the other inconsistencies as well. Of course we’re just sayin’. It crossed our mind so we figured we’d throw it our there.

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