A Guide for Women Being Asked Out Via Text

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Dear Guys,

I met this guy at a party and we hit it off. He was funny, charming and very cute. We hugged at the end of the night and he asked for my number. He’s been texting me since, but it’s pretty much just general stuff like, “Whatsup?” “Watcha Doin?” That sort of thing. Then the other day he text me in the early evening and said, “You wanna hang out?” I told him I was busy because I was told never to say yes to a guy if he asks you out same day.

So what gives? In person this guy seemed so nice, so promising. Now he seems like the rest of the clueless guys I’ve met in the past two years.


Dear Stephanie,

We hate to agree with you since we’ll be berating our own kind, but sadly we do. Call us old fashioned, but whatever happened to the phone ask? Back in the day, a guy had to muster the courage to dial a woman’s number and then try to make conversation and possibly even make her laugh, all the while dealing with dry mouth and excessive body sweats, working up to asking the woman out. In a word: Terrifying. But here’s the thing. In order to make that phone call, the guy had to really want to, otherwise it wasn’t worth the effort. Which means, only a guy who was very interested in a woman would call. And only a guy with a healthy amount of self-confidence. Or possibly a thirst for pain if he got rejected.

Today? Well, there’s texting, messaging, and then various forms of communication via social networks. Guys no longer have to think on their feet. They can craft something clever in the privacy of their own home, or jeez, for that matter, the privacy of their own toilet. The point is, there’s no good reason any guy should be sending some generic text like “Hey.” Or “Wazzup?” Especially if they have time to type something more interesting.

However, women aren’t completely off the hook here because they seem to accept this lack of effort and creativity. Maybe you don’t Stephanie, but many women just throw up their hands and say, “It is what it is. That’s just the way guys are.”

So we say, don’t accept that. Guys aren’t that clueless. They can just get lazy. And laziness begats laziness. If their friends are getting laid with little or no effort, they’ll try the same approach until it doesn’t work. (Herd mentality.)

That said, instead of answering your question specifically—it seems pretty straightforward—we’re going to provide a guide for all women to use as a resource to weed out the weak and unworthy.

Our Short Guide To Being Asked Out Via Text

Texts that should make you pause and reconsider:

The Hello Text: You’ve all received the basic text like: Hey? Whatsup? Whatcha Doin? Etc. These are called fishing texts. That would be guys fishing around to see if they can get the woman to initiate. If a guy takes this approach use the same approach back. Example: Guy texts, “Hey” then you text, “Hey.” If the guy texts, “Whatcha Doin?” you text, “Watcha Doin?” If the guy responds by texting, “Nothin.” You text, “Ditto.”  And so it goes. The point is, let him take the lead. Don’t make it easy for him.

The Hang Out Text: You meet a great guy and think there’s promise—like Stephanie above—and then he texts you on Saturday night and says, “You wanna hang out?” Well, the first thing you do is, wait for it: Nothing. You don’t respond to last minute invites, especially when what doest hanging even mean? It isn’t really a date is it? Basically, it’s just an invitation to come over and hopefully have sex. Once again, the guy is putting in minimal effort at best.

The Repeated Text Conversation that Never Leads to Being Asked Out: Has this happened to you? The interesting guy from the recent wedding you attended keeps texting you, but never seems to actually ask you out. What does this mean? Well, it means he’s probably either too shy or not confident enough to ask you out. You might think: Maybe I should break the ice? Ask him out. Get the ball rolling. To that we say: Don’t do it. You’ll be sorry. If the guy doesn’t have the balls to take the lead, time to move on.

Texts that Show Some Promise

He uses your name in the text: Even a, “Hey Stephanie” is better than just a “Hey.” (At least he remembered your name, and that’s a start.) Even better, he remembers to identify himself. “Hey Stephanie this is Jack.” And even better. “Hey Stephanie, this is Jack. It was nice meeting you at the wedding last week.” Maybe those differences don’t seem like a big deal but they are. Once again, it shows effort AND awareness. What type of awareness? Well, he’s aware enough to know that it’s going to take more than a generic “Hey” to get anywhere with you.

He Uses your Name AND gets Specific: To piggyback on what we just said. Even better would be, “Hey Stephanie. This is Jack. It was nice meeting you at the wedding last week. You mentioned how much you loved sushi. Well, I found this great place over on the west side of town. Would you like to go this week on either Tuesday or Wednesday eve?” Wow!!! Holy Toledo! Not only does he remember your name, but he remembers some of your conversation. We know you’re going to faint, so sit down and take a deep breath. The point being: THE GUY SHOULD BE VERY SPECIFIC. And that’s the key. It’s all in the details. Or rather, what details he remembers.

Stephanie, and all the other women out there in the dating trenches—and the guys who might be reading this too—hopefully this gives you a basic guide as to what’s appropriate or not appropriate in today’s world of dating and texting.

C U L8R,


ps. Have you gotten a funny text from a guy? Or something completely ridiculous or horrifying? Please share in the comments below? Or if you have a short question, feel free to ask away below.


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