I believe there is something wrong with me. I have never dated.
A year ago I met this really great guy who just started out as a co-worker. After that, we became friends. I developed a crush on him, but remained only as friends because I thought it would ruin my friendship with him. When he left, I always wondered if I would ever see him again. When I saw him again months later, I felt very happy to see him. Too happy. I pushed the thought aside that it was only my imagination that was causing me to think like that. When we started to hang out, I realized that the more I was with him, the more I felt I could make things work between us. When I told him how I felt, he was surprised that I liked him. This is where the trouble begins; when I first met him, I was 20 and he just turned 34. We have talked about dating, but he only wants to stay as friends. His reason is that I am too innocent for him and he is too old for me.
How can I convince him that I want to be taken seriously about taking the next step? I know that the age difference is what makes him nervous, but isn’t there a way for him to not think about the age for the moment? I just want to be given a chance.
Thanks for your question. To be honest, this is a pretty big age difference, at least at the point you are in your life. If you were say, 30, and he was 44, it wouldn’t be as big of a deal. But since you’re only a few years out of high school with not much life experience—you said yourself that you haven’t dated—and he’s been out in the adult/working world for the last twelve years, that’s a huge difference. However, we’re not saying it’s not possible, we’re just saying that your compatibility on a base level is not there. (Please watch our video on, “Dating older Men.” it might help shed some light on your situation.)
This guy seems like an admirable guy. And we give him props for that. He could easily take advantage of you, but instead his paternal instincts have kicked in and he’s actually trying to protect you. We know this is the last thing you probably want to hear, but he’s actually doing you a favor. He knows that you need to experience life with someone closer to your age, and do the things that 20 year olds do. Go to college. Go out with friends. Date different types of guys. Travel. See the world. Figure out what you really want. Because we can assure you that what you want now is going to be very different than what you want in five years or ten years.
If you feel you must pursue this further then talk to him again. Or ask him out. Invite him over for dinner. Show him that you’re more mature for your age.
However, we’re with him. We think you should keep this right where it is now: a crush.
ps. What are your thoughts? Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Thanks!
Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s, “Rebecca, a memoir.” You might enjoy it!
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