Am I a booty call?

Dear Guys,

I’ve been seeing this guy for seven months. We were exclusive within a month. We both have kids, so our free time is limited. We spend every other weekend together, and it’s great when we’re together. But in between there’s very little communication. He will go days without responding to my texts, and will not initiate any on his own. He doesn’t see me during the week when he has opportunities, choosing instead to sit home alone. He talks about moving in together, but can’t even come by for a few hours to meet my son. I’m in love with him, and he says he loves me as well, but I’m tired of all talk and no action. I have told him that I want more communication and to see him more, but it never happens. I’m starting to wonder if he wants a girlfriend but doesn’t care enough to do the work.

Am I a mislabeled booty call?

From,

Jill

Dear Jill,

We don’t think you’re a booty call, but the two of you are not on the same page in terms of what a relationship looks like. He believes if he makes an effort to see you every weekend, then he’s doing enough to keep the relationship moving forward. You believe your partner should want to see you as much as he possibly can, or at the very least, want to talk or text during the week. Neither perspective is wrong necessarily, but the two of you need to get on the same page.

How do you do that?

You need to talk with him and try to explain your point of view without putting him on the defensive. As you know, that’s a tricky balance. First of all, make sure when you do talk to him that you’re both feeling happy and positive at that moment. You know better than us when that might be. Ask him his opinion first before you give yours. What does he want from a relationship? What does a relationship look like to him? (Those types of questions.) Then tell him your opinions and explain to him what you need from him and from a relationship.

Is there a risk here? Sure, there always is. Once you begin the discussion it could go any which way. However, at this very moment, you’re dissatisfied. You’re feeling like a booty call and we understand why. If the relationship continues the way it’s going, you’re not going to be happy. So in our minds, you have nothing to lose. If you keep your emotions in check when the two of you talk, we think you will get some answers.

Note: If he tells you this is all he can handle at the present time, well, then you’ll have the information you need to make a decision for yourself. (Do you want to stick it out for longer? Move on? What?)

Let us know if you have any other questions or thoughts. Leave in the comments’ section below.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

2 Comments on Am I a booty call?

  1. I met this guy very briefly at a bar & gave him my info.. it took him some time to contact me (2/3 weeks perhaps? he said he’d been “busy”) anyways I made plans to spend time together last week and i told him we’d keep in touch.. well the week has arrived and neither of us have contacted the other.. should I just give up? i dont want to come across too aggressive especially to a man I don’t know. after coming out of a long term relationship i’m feeling foreign to these “games” or “rules of dating” it used to be simple..

  2. @Sara……DO NOT ask him out. He should be the one to initiate. That’s the way it was when you dated before your relationship, and that’s the way it will be a long time from now. Why? Not because of chivalry, or some sort of social expectation. Because that way you know how interested he is in you. If you ask him out, he’ll likely say yes, but guys say yes to a lot of things even if they’re lukewarm. Honestly, the 2-3 week late because he’s been busy is a bit lame don’t you think? We don’t know the guy, or the situation, but he already seems lukewarm. Proceed cautiously AND with your eyes open.

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