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Okay so for some reason, the guys I am interested in always end up playing me. I notice when this happens usually I am the one initiating things. Such as, asking if they’d like to hang out after meeting them a few times. From there I end up falling for them. Our “hang outs” seem too good to be true. Then something happens.
1. He says he’s not looking for anything but wonders if it’s cool if we keeping “doing what we’re doing”.
2. I decide he needs to contact me the next time and he never does. Sometimes even getting a girlfriend soon after.
Well this pattern has seemed to be a reoccurring theme recently. Am I prone to bad luck or what? Am I doing something wrong? Now there’s this one guy.. He’s different, but possibly the same. There’s definitely a connection though. We’ve met a few times. I asked if he’d like to hang out. He agreed. I had a great time and supposedly he did too. We talked quite a bit. I thought I got a lot of hints that he liked me. First he asked if I had a boy friend. (I didn’t of course).Then our past relationships came up briefly. I kept it short saying I felt I deserved better. He replied saying, “You never know, something better might be standing right in front of you.” He leaned in slowly and kissed my cheek when we said our goodbyes, giving me a few firm hugs. I need advice! I’m scared to get feelings for a guy then have him hurt me again.
How do I know if he’s interested? Or how do I keep him interested?
Thank you so much,
(Btw I’m 19 years old, going on 20)
Thanks for your question. We realized you asked us the question in early July, which means your current situation has probably changed one way or another. However, we thought your question was a good one because many young women might be grappling with the same issue.
From the get go, you might want to let the guy be the one to take the initiative. (We think you know this.) We realize that taking the initiative gives you some control, but once you pursue a guy you’ve now handed him all the power, which ironically leads to less control as the relationship progresses. And at least at the beginning, when things are very uncertain how they might play out, you might want to sit on your “hands” and wait for the guy to ask you out. Yes, this might be difficult for you since you’re a take charge kind of girl, but it’s the right way to go. Also, if a guy asks you out then you’ll know he’s interested in you.
We’re not advocating game playing in your relationships. However, at the beginning, there is no relationship. It’s just you and the guy, and a world of unknowns. Who is this guy? What is he like? Will we get along? Do we have common interests? What does he do for work? Is he caring, kind, compassionate, smart? Does he want kids? What’s his family like? Will they like me? When will I meet his friends? Does he have any friends? Is he good in bed? The questions go on and on, but believe us he’s wondering the same things about you if he’s interested.
So Rachelle, you’re not prone to bad luck. There’s nothing wrong with you, except you’re a bit too eager. You need to let things unfold more organically, and let the guy make the first move, and maybe even the second, third, and fourth! But don’t change who you are. If the guys you’re dating keep playing you, or making you feel insecure, then it’s more likely you’re dating the wrong type of guy. Just take a deep breath, relax and be yourself. That’s the most attractive quality anyone can have.
And Rachelle, don’t forget to enjoy yourself.
ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!
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