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Am I being played again?

Check out the video: Getting Played-Trust your Gut

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Guys,

Okay so for some reason, the guys I am interested in always end up playing me. I notice when this happens usually I am the one initiating things. Such as, asking if they’d like to hang out after meeting them a few times. From there I end up falling for them. Our “hang outs” seem too good to be true. Then something happens.

1. He says he’s not looking for anything but wonders if it’s cool if we keeping “doing what we’re doing”.

Or

2. I decide he needs to contact me the next time and he never does. Sometimes even getting a girlfriend soon after.

Well this pattern has seemed to be a reoccurring theme recently. Am I prone to bad luck or what? Am I doing something wrong? Now there’s this one guy.. He’s different, but possibly the same. There’s definitely a connection though. We’ve met a few times. I asked if he’d like to hang out. He agreed. I had a great time and supposedly he did too. We talked quite a bit. I thought I got a lot of hints that he liked me. First he asked if I had a boy friend. (I didn’t of course).Then our past relationships came up briefly. I kept it short saying I felt I deserved better. He replied saying, “You never know, something better might be standing right in front of you.” He leaned in slowly and kissed my cheek when we said our goodbyes, giving me a few firm hugs. I need advice! I’m scared to get feelings for a guy then have him hurt me again.

How do I know if he’s interested? Or how do I keep him interested?

Thank you so much,

Rachelle
(Btw I’m 19 years old, going on 20)

Dear Rachelle,

Thanks for your question. We realized you asked us the question in early July, which means your current situation has probably changed one way or another. However, we thought your question was a good one because many young women might be grappling with the same issue.

From the get go, you might want to let the guy be the one to take the initiative. (We think you know this.) We realize that taking the initiative gives you some control, but once you pursue a guy you’ve now handed him all the power, which ironically leads to less control as the relationship progresses. And at least at the beginning, when things are very uncertain how they might play out, you might want to sit on your “hands” and wait for the guy to ask you out. Yes, this might be difficult for you since you’re a take charge kind of girl, but it’s the right way to go. Also, if a guy asks you out then you’ll know he’s interested in you.

We’re not advocating game playing in your relationships. However, at the beginning, there is no relationship. It’s just you and the guy, and a world of unknowns. Who is this guy? What is he like? Will we get along? Do we have common interests? What does he do for work? Is he caring, kind, compassionate, smart? Does he want kids? What’s his family like? Will they like me? When will I meet his friends? Does he have any friends? Is he good in bed? The questions go on and on, but believe us he’s wondering the same things about you if he’s interested.

So Rachelle, you’re not prone to bad luck. There’s nothing wrong with you, except you’re a bit too eager. You need to let things unfold more organically, and let the guy make the first move, and maybe even the second, third, and fourth! But don’t change who you are. If the guys you’re dating keep playing you, or making you feel insecure, then it’s more likely you’re dating the wrong type of guy. Just take a deep breath, relax and be yourself. That’s the most attractive quality anyone can have.

And Rachelle, don’t forget to enjoy yourself.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

For Real Time Discussion join us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz

Some other questions to check out:

He’s a musician. Is he worth the wait?

Will he come back?

He won’t bring me out with his friends

Friends with benefits: why me? 

Kissing Cousins: Should we date? 

Dating my ex’s friends: Friends with Benefits

I suggested Friends with Benefits; Did I just dig myself into a hole

Contemplating a long distance relationship; Could we be something more? 

Why did we really break up?

5 Comments on Am I being played again?

  1. ive been with boyfriend over 2 years, from the beginning we have always had amazing all the time sex until about a month ago when it just STOPPED. last month he also told me he had cheated with numerous people during the first year of our relationship including an ex that he still talks to, and i chose to forgive him and try again. I’ve asked him straight up if he’s done with me.. he says no, and that he loves me, i’ve asked him if he still finds me attractive sexually, and he says yes.. I’ve asked him straight up to just tell me.. he says he just is thinking alot. I’ve stripped down nude in front of him, he wouldnt look or even touch me..i’ve sat on him completely naked kissing on him..he pushed me off.. i laid in his lap and watched a porn with him (usually after 5 minutes he ready to go to the bed) but he picked me up off him.. and what is confusing me.. when he thinks i’m sleeping he jacks off, and i’ve caught him before without him seeing me.. please help

  2. @Lindsay……We answered your question in the other place you posted. “Relationship Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Getting Played-Trust your Gut. (Video Page)

  3. Is these guy worth my time?

    So I met these guy at my friend Jasmin birthday party. She introduced us after I asked her who he was, she told me that he is a co-worker of hers. I was interested at first until another friend of mine Ana pointed out that he was the guy that slept with a friend of hers (she told me the story weeks before these day). I right away lost interest and viewed him as a guy who only fools around. Threw out the night he continued on trying to talk to me until I had to leave, which he also walked me to my car with Jasmin. He asked for my number but Ana got in between and said that there’s no point on getting it, I wouldn’t answer him anyway (at the moment it was true). I gave him and Jasmin a hug and left with Ana. We ended up at my brother’s apartment, I told him and his friend about the guy and his friend convinced me to talk to the guy so Ana called Jasmin and told her to give him my number. Not long after he messages me and we have been messaging ever since. Two weeks after we started talking he started telling me that I am different and that he really liked me, I of course didn’t believe him judging by what I know about him, but I still went along with it since I did enjoy talking to him. I met up with my friend Ana again and she told me that Jasmin has been telling her how calm the guy is at work now and how all he talks about is me. She said that he admitted that the other girl was just a one day thing but that he didn’t see me like that. By these point I actually started liking him and decided to give it a try. He asked me to go out on a date with him, but before the date he said he wanted to see me again for a little bit. The next day I ended up at his job waiting for him to clock out. We stayed talking outside for about 3hours. He would occasionally hug me or touch me in some way telling me how nervous I make him, by the time I said it was time for me to go he gave me a peck and walked me to my car. Moments later he messages me asking when we could go out on our date and told me he had Saturday, Sunday and Monday off, I chose Sunday. While messaging him Saturday he told me he was at work which I found a bit strange since he told me he was off, he also kept telling me how he missed me. Sunday came and I was driving home from my cousins house which happened to be close to his job and as I passed it I noticed his car parked and figured that he also had to work that day. I was expecting him to tell me that he was called up or something but he ended up telling me how he had a headache and was in bed all day and how now he was helping his father on some plumbing problem at their house. By the time he said he got home it was late so he apologized and said he would make it up the next day. Next day came and he continued saying how much he missed me. He again said he was at work so I ended up telling him that we could just go on our date next weekend and he agreed by telling me how he would make it worth it since he failed me this weekend and felt bad because he wants to see me happy and not disappointed. Should I go on that date with him or should I just stop talking to him since he might be playing me?

  4. @Reyna…….Well, you won’t know if he’s playing you or not if you don’t go on the date, so we don’t see an issue with going out at least once. He may be a player. He certainly has the history. But if you really like him, then why don’t you see how he is with you. Sometimes a guy acts like a player when he’s not really that interested in a woman. You’ll have to figure out who he really is. Our suggestion: Even if you really like him, proceed very slowly. And no sex for a while. Thoughts? Ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on the Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  5. Hey guys I don’t know if you remember me but I asked a question last time about a guy and you guys said the answer was he was leading me on just so he can get what he wants and that was it and that we prob wouldn’t date and that I was holding on for no reason, and that I should move on, well he did tell me sorry for leading me on and that he was going to hurt me but that I was amazing he just isn’t ready for a relationship yet and he isn’t the man he wants to be yet, he said yes it’s possible to be together in the future, but right now he isn’t ready, he says every time he likes me he always likes another person to.he says next time ill see him is church, we will hangout more go places but Idk in my heart somethings tell MD he won’t be ready till 25, but I’ve known him for almost 3years of knowing him and this kind of relationship since November. I just wanted to ask you guys, what should I do now?

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  1. Is he playing me? | The Guy's Perspective
  2. Mixed Signals; is he just playing me? | The Guy's Perspective

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