I’ve been talking to this guy I go to college with for about a month now. We have tons in common (same major, both play music, etc.), and so it seemed at first that he was interested in me and not just looking to hook up. However, I think now it has turned into a Friends with Benefits situation? He’ll text me during the day to see what’s up a few days out of the week, but then only wants to hang out on friday and saturday nights to hook up. When I’m with him he’ll hold my hand and cuddle and compliment me and talk a bunch. So sometimes I feel like he’s actually into me and then sometimes I feel like I’m just a hook up buddy to him. I feel like he probably doesn’t have strong feelings for me or he’d arrange to see me during the day or keep in touch more often. But when I’m with him he acts really interested. I’ve gone to two events with him, and he’s held my hand in front of people and introduced me to a few friends so it’s not like he’s hiding me. I like hooking up with him, but I’m also a little hurt that he just views me as a person to hook up with. Is there a way to tell if he has actual feelings? If I am just a friend to hook up with, do guys ever develop feelings for hook up buddies or is it a lost cause? If I have stronger feelings for him than he does me, is it a good idea to get out of this situation?
Thanks for your question. You should definitely check out our e-report on the topic of Friends with Benefits. (Last report on page after you click and go to Amazon)
We know this seems confusing because of the way he acts when he’s with you, but we think you should listen to your gut. Acting nice, holding your hand, talking sweet, even introducing you to friends is all a form of foreplay. Meaning, he knows he can’t just come over to your place on Friday and Saturday night without any sort of effort at all. So he’s putting in the effort required to get what he wants out of the situation. Also keep in mind that his hormones are probably raging after not seeing you for a week. If a guy is that excited, he’ll do, say, act however he needs to in order to get the woman in bed. It’s just the way we’re all wired.
Also, the fact that he’s not asking to spend more time with you during the week also points to the fact that he wants a FWB arrangement rather than something more serious.
Can guys move from a FWB to an actual relationship? Well, that seems to be the universal question. From our experience, we’d have to say no, or rather, it happens rarely. Sure, maybe a guy might give it a go just to see, but most often those attempts fail pretty quickly, and it goes back to a FWB or nothing at all. The reason? If he wanted something more serious he would have asked initially. Which means he’s already made that determination from the get go.
Sorry we couldn’t be more positive here. What we would suggest is that you talk to him. Express your concerns. Tell him what you want. What do you have to lose really? You’re already feeling somewhat uneasy about the arrangement. If he decides to move on, then so be it. But at least you’ll get some answers. Just be careful of one thing. If he tells you he really likes you and wants to be in a relationship, make sure it looks like that, and doesn’t end up being exactly what you have going now, but with a different label.
Finally: We don’t like to make decisions for people, but in general we’re not fans of Friends with Benefits for the simple reason that people tend to get hurt, especially women.
If you have any follow-up questions leave them below as a comment.
ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. And really, check out those e-reports. You might get some useful info there. Or read some other posts on your topic. Thanks!
Relationship Advice and Dating Advice about Friends with Benefits. FWB