Are we “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) or does he want something more?


Do you have a relationship, dating or sex question? Book your private conversation with THE GUYS by choosing the Ask a Private Question option on our site. Would you like to read what other clients say about us first? Read testimonials on our Relationship Coaching/Advice site.


Read More Relationship Advice and Dating Advice about FWB (“Friends with Benefits”) and Booty Call: 

Booty call or relationship trouble 

Divorced and now online dating: Am I booty call or more?

I suggested friends with benefits; did I just dig myself into a hole?

Friends with benefits; why me?

Friends with benefits? 


Hi Guys,
Thanks for reading this as I really could do with a male perspective. I’m a little confused!

Beginning of December I met this guy when I was out one night. He’s a friend of my sister’s. I said hi and carried on with my night. But then out of nowhere he just pounces on me and pretty much snogs my face off. Okay, we were both drunk so I didn’t think much of it. That same night he comes back to my place and we stay up talking, hugging, and kissing but no sex.

Anyway so we start seeing each other twice a week, and eventually get down and dirty. All is good. After the first week of “seeing” him he tells me he doesn’t want anything serious as he’s just come out of a relationship and is still hurt. Fair enough, but I’m surprised at his honesty so early on. Three weeks later, he’s at my place and we are chatting and he tells me that he has realized that he is over his ex. I say that I’m pleased for him—cause he was hurt about it—and leave it at that.

So, last Friday I was invited to stay at his place. We stayed up all night talking etc 😉 He was asking a lot about my previous relationships and generally a lot of personal questions. At one point we were giving each other a lot of banter and I said something like, “You wanna get the Hoover in here sometime!” (Note to readers: THE GUYS think she means a vacuum cleaner.) He said that was a job for me. To which I replied, “That’s not the job of a weekend (Blank-another word for having sex).” So then his face dropped and he sat down really quietly and just looked at me. I asked him if he was okay, he said no I had pissed him right off! I asked what I’d said or done wrong. Apparently it was the weekend (blank) comment. I pointed out that that was what we did so I didn’t get his reaction at all. He then said, “Yeah I know but you obviously don’t realize that I do actually care about you.” I said, “Okay we’ll be friends with benefits then.” But then he said he didn’t like that term being used for us. So I just left it at that.

Next morning he gets a text saying his dad, sis and bro are coming round to his place. (His family is very close.) I say that I should probably head off then, but then he says there’s no need for me to go and that he’s sure they would like to meet me. So I stayed, met them—it seems that they were already aware of who I was—and went home a few hours later. Later that day he texts me and asks how I’m feeling and that his family really liked me.

So tell me…what is he thinking? What does he want? Does he want to go further but is maybe putting it off because of his ex-girlfriend? Any advice would be appreciated, especially as it’s from a male point of view!

Also just to add, I have a little boy who is 6, which he was already aware of as we knew each other before. He was very keen to meet him which I kept putting off until just recently. (He questioned me a lot about why I was doing that!) They get on well when he’s here.

Another point to add. When we first met he said he was hoping to go to America in May to work and was awaiting an interview. He got the job. He said to me the other night that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go anymore and maybe he would stay and get a proper job. Obviously this could be nothing to do with what what’s been going on between us but I thought it might help to paint a better picture.

Also, FYI, I am 29 and he is 25.

I can’t thank you enough for reading this and really look forward to your reply!!


Dear Louise,

Thanks for your question.

Any guy that encourages you to meet his family is likely interested in more than just a “Friends with Benefits” arrangement. And the fact that his family already seemed to know about you means he’s been telling them all about this great girl he’s been seeing.

Part of the confusion here is that this relationship started off at a bar, with drink in hand, and sex on the mind, instead of beginning on a more traditional path of, first date, second date, third date, etc. But the good news is you’ve still managed to arrive at a good place with mutual respect still in tact.

From where we stand he’s into you. But it’s likely he’s a little gun shy since he’s coming out of a broken relationship. But here are the telltale signs that he’s thinking seriously about you.

1. He says he genuinely cares about you.

2. He gets hurt when you label the relationship as “FWB.”

3. He wants you to meet his family.

4. He is accepting of your son.

5. He’s not sure he wants to go to America anymore. (And don’t kid yourself. This is definitely about you!)

So maybe the more pertinent question Louise is, what do you want? If he wants to be in a committed relationship with you are you open to that? Does the thought make you excited? Scared? It’s important for you to have this conversation with yourself and truly ask yourself how you feel about this man. Because not only will your answer impact you, it will also impact your son.

If you really want to take this to the next level you might need to be the one to initiate that conversation since he’s probably a bit shaken from his recent breakup. But from what we can tell, he seems like he’d be very open to talking about it.

Leave us a follow up comment, or feel free to ask us a follow up question. (See comments below. We’ll respond here as well.)


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! 

For REAL TIME discussion, join us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz

More Relationship Advice and Dating Advice: 

Showing too much love to my sister

He talks about having sex with my friends

Do guys have a harder time with long distance relationships?

Why is he not asking me out?

Why is he hiding our relationship from his family? 


2 Comments on Are we “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) or does he want something more?

  1. Ok, so I have a friend that I’ve known since I was about 15. (40 now). We recently ran into each other after an 8 yr lapse in contact. Instant attraction/flirtation. Started sleeping together. He is hot and cold. Not an affectionate person because I know him like the back of my hand and know he was majorly screwed over years ago. I am 100% sure he is extremely guarded. We have so much fun together and have been doing all kinds if things. I recently lost a family member and especially now value all relationships I have. I actually have been having anxiety attacks when I am not with him. I am terrified of loosing not only my friend, but someone I believe I am falling in love with. I attempted to talk to him about my frustration of him being so hard to read. I attempted to ask him what “shelf” I belong on- the friend shelf, friend with benifits shelf or something more. I couldn’t even finish my sentence and he replied with “top shelf”. He is so used to keeping things in and it is literally driving me insane. I think about him all the time, but don’t really know about how to keep proceeding with this. I want to spit everything out but don want him to feel pressured. How do I do this? Like I said, this has my anxiety through the roof & actually have been having panic attacks almost every night. I am very affectionate, and he is not, nor ever was. We are awesome together bit it’s like I can’t turn my brain off. HELP! What do I say & how do I go about saying it without freaking him out?

  2. @Suzi…..We need a bit more info. What is his background? Divorced? Never been married? What did you both agree upon from the start? Or did you never discuss? Meaning, did he give you any sense of what he might want besides sex? Hang in there.

1 4 5 6

1 Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. The Mystery Of Guys’ Feelings; How Do You Know When A Guy Wants More? | The Guy's Perspective

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.