Are we friends with benefits?

Dear Guys,

So to start off I’m having a Friends with Benefits relationship with my ex. But we dated a few years ago when I was about 15. I absolutely loved him then; he was my first love, and I lost my virginity to him. We broke up, didn’t talk for about two years, then about a year and a half ago, we reconnected.

We started hanging out and tried to pursue dating again. But then he told he didn’t want anything serious anymore and that he needs to “focus on himself.” Which I call call complete BS. Now we’re casually hooking up but I do want something more with him.

What do y’all think? Will he come around or does he strictly want nothing with me?


Dear Amaya,

Have you read our e-report on Friends with Benefits? You might find it informative.

It’s important to listen to his words. If he wanted a relationship with you, or if he saw potential for something long-term with you, he would have expressed that. Instead he fed you a line about needing to focus on himself. We agree with your assessment. The reason does seem like BS, but at least he’s being honest and trying not to lead you on, even if he is giving you mixed-signals by his actions.

Hooking up with him casually, but secretly hoping he’ll come around, is only putting you in an emotional holding pattern. The longer it goes on the harder it will be to break free from. We doubt that he’s going to change his mind. Guys are pretty clear about the potential they see, or don’t see, in a woman right from the get-go. He’s made up his mind, now you have to decide what you’re going to do.

But before you throw in the towel, why don’t you sit him down and have a heart-t0-heart chat with him. Tell him how you feel, and see where he’s at. Just remember, that a non-answer is an answer. Meaning, if he continues to stall, or say that maybe in the future something might unfold, that’s just another way of saying, it’s not going to happen.

Let us know if you have any follow-up questions/thoughts. Please leave in the comments’ section below. (You must be Logged In to do so.)

Take care,


ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks!

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