Up until one month ago I was dating a guy for six months. In the beginning it was such an intense relationship that he quickly told me he had never felt so in love and that he was so lucky to be with me. I have never known someone so happy to be with me and it felt amazing. He said he never wanted it to end and made plans with me for the future.
We got on brilliantly and throughout the six months we were passionate, had fun, laughed a lot and had a great time together…when we could see each other that is… because he lives three hours drive away from me. Everything felt right though.
Then when I casually asked him if I was his girlfriend after four months he said…”let’s not label it…we are dating.” I just brushed it off and never mentioned it again. He seemed to get more distant but then on occasions would pull me close and say he never wanted to let me go out of his arms.
Close to Christmas I went to visit him and we had a lovely time but I saw a message pop up on his phone saying “Hi it is ***** from Plenty of fish, you gave me your number.” I asked him about it and he said it was an old POF profile and he was not dating anyone else but that he was worried about the distance in miles between us and that it was bothering him. As was the fact I am 43 and he is 34 and he said he was worried that he might want children. I said I am happy to have more children and would be happy to move anywhere to be with him. (I never said it but I want to marry him. I love him so much.)
When I was back home he messaged me and said he could not see me again as he could not see how it could work with the distance and age gap despite me saying he did not need to be an issue. He said that we had a nice time together but we are at different stages in life and his mind was set. He said he felt terrible and really did want to see me again but felt it was best not to as I was getting attached more and more and may get hurt in the long run. I am so devastated because he said I was the most beautiful and sexy woman he had ever been with and that he wanted to spend his future with me. I’m so confused.
I did not contact him and a week later he messaged to ask how I was and we chatted in a friendly way. I kept it fun and light. Then I did not contact him and have heard nothg for three weeks now. I also discovered last week he blocked me on Facebook.
Why has he blocked me when I was not even a nuisance and he said I was lovely and had done nothing wrong and that we could stay friends? And why not on my other account? He has not posted anything on his Facebook profile apart from work related posts although he has been liking lots of pics of pretty female friends of his. I don’t stalk him nor contact him and kept things fun and light and only look at his profile about twice a week. I have tried to put him out of my mind and throw myself into living life to the full without him but because we were so amazing together he is constantly on my mind. I love him and miss him so much. Surely he must be thinking about me. I won’t chase him and will leave it up to him to contact me if he changes his mind but it feels such a waste of something wonderful. He said he was so proud of me. What should I do? What do you think he is feeling?
We are very sorry. We understand why you’re confused. He definitely led you to believe that he wanted what you wanted, a long-term, committed relationship. And then he did a complete 180.
Here is an example of someone letting the excitement of a new relationship cloud the obvious doubts he had from the beginning. He meant all of what he said to you. That he felt lucky to be with you, that you are amazing, sexy, beautiful and special to him. But what he didn’t tell you is that underneath the surface were feelings of uncertainty. Maybe this all came as a surprise to you, but he’s been questioning and debating all along, or at least weeks/months before he broke things off. Here are the questions he was probably asking himself: Will I be able to have kids with her? Am I okay if we can’t have kids? Do I want someone who is nine years older than me? It’s great now, but what will it look like in ten years, twenty years? Do I want someone who already has her own kids?
We think the age gap and his worry about being able to have his own kids is what drove him to break up with you. We don’t think the distance had anything to do with it. And we don’t think you did anything wrong. If you were ten years younger, we think he’d be all in.
We are truly sorry. We do think he feels badly, and we do think he probably misses you, but we don’t think he’s going to change his decision, especially since he said his mind is made up. (Guys don’t say that unless they really mean that.) Add in the fact he blocked you on Facebook and it’s pretty clear he’s moving on. (He probably blocked you for the simple reason that it’s easier to cut ties completely than remain connected even as friends. He doesn’t want to give you any sort of false hope.)
You have to make your own decision here, but we think that it might be best for you if you tried to move on. Checking out his Facebook profile twice a week is not going to be good for your emotional well-being, and will just keep you in a holding pattern.
We wish we could be more positive and hopeful but we’re just being honest. Do you have any follow-up questions/thoughts? Please leave us a comment in the comments’ section below. (You must be Logged In to do so.) It’s easy.
Take care of yourself,
ps. We hope you’ll let your friends know about us. Thanks.