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Booty Call or Long Haul?

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Dear Guys,

I am divorced and was introduced to a gentlemen through a mutual friend. He asked me out to dinner; we went and had a great time and have been dating for the last 3 months. Sex recently happened a month ago; I didn’t rush into it. But he only sees me when he doesn’t have his son which I respect. He has met my adult children and some of my friends and family but he has yet to introduce me to his son and family or friends. I am being patient, and figure he will introduce me to his family when he feels it is the right time. But how much time is too long? Am I just a booty call and being naive? He has been divorced for 9 yrs now and his son is 17, so is his son an excuse to keep things at bay?

Diane

Dear Diane,

Thanks for your question.

You are not necessarily just a booty call, but obviously he doesn’t consider your relationship serious—yet—or he would be introducing you to his inner circle. So how long should you wait?

Too long is defined by you more than him. How long will you feel okay about dating a guy who keeps you at arm’s length from his family and friends? If it’s working for you, then it could go on interminably. If you are starting to feel uneasy about it—which we assume you are, since you wrote to us—it already might be too long.

We don’t get the sense he’s being covert in any way, he just doesn’t see the relationship as too serious at this juncture. But that doesn’t mean he might change his mind after you’ve been together for a bit longer. In general it’s hard to know how people will feel about being in a relationship after they get divorced. Some people jump right back in to the fold, other people remain gun shy for the rest of their lives, and others fall somewhere in between. So our first piece of advice is to find our where he stands in this continuum. (Talk to him about how he feels about relationships in general.) This will help you better gauge whether or not the relationship has any chance of moving to the next level in the future.

If that conversation doesn’t satisfy you, you might need to step it up a notch and talk to him specifically about your relationship. We can see how he might want to move slowly at first, but we don’t see why he won’t introduce you to his son. It’s not like he needs to protect his son’s fragile emotions, since it has been 9 years since he broke up with his ex. We would think by now his son understands that your guy is not getting back together with his ex-wife. We don’t like to put a time table on relationships because every situation is different, but you can speed the process up by talking to him about how you’re feeling. It’s not too soon. A good rule to follow: If it’s not too soon to have sex it’s not to soon to talk.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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2 Comments on Booty Call or Long Haul?

  1. I need serious advice and prespective from a man’s point of view.

    I am nineteen years old and I have met this man through my work, he’s double my age, has three kids, divorced and a younger girlfriend (eleven years younger) than himself. They have been together for two years. At first it was just flirtation back and forth because he was aware that I had a crush on him.

    We then began have more intimate encounters, however because of our work schedule I would only see him once every three weeks.. At the beginning he would mention his girlfriend, saying how great they get along and that he is feeling guilty for betraying her, and right when I think that I wouldn’t see him again, because of those comments but then he shows up.

    I don’t have his personal number and he said because his phone is next to their bed, I don’t have any internet connection with him either..

    I do like him genuinely, I know that he doesn’t make alot of money, I know that he has debt and responsiblity, but his personality, who he is is what I like. But I don’t get why he can’t like me back. I make my own money, I’m young and I’m not ugly. So what? Is he going to eventually stop seeing me? Actually confront and say it’s over? Or is there anything I can do to change his mind?

    Please help.

  2. @AMY…..Thanks for your question.Please write to us from the Ask the Guys page. Use the form right on that page. That’s where we receive all questions. Take care.

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