I have known my boyfriend for a couple years now but I did not really get to know him until a couple months ago. We’ve been dating for a little over a month now and I really like him. We spend everyday together and are both really happy together. A month is not a long time but I’ve never had so many feelings for someone in such a short time. This summer, we plan to make the most of it. He is leaving to college which is a couple hours away while I’m back home finishing high school. When I brought up the situation of dating long distance he would usually say “I don’t like thinking about it, let’s just enjoy this summer..” But finally we talked about it and he said he wanted to do long distance.
Would it be worth it? I like him so much, and I would just hate to lose him. I know because of his financial situation I would only see him every couple of months.. Which, I know, would be hard for both of us. Both our families are involved in the relationship. How could I make it work? Should I even give it a shot? I don’t want to waste my time and be vulnerable.
Thanks for your question.
It can work if you’re both very committed to making it work. Since you’ve written to us we know you’ll be able to keep up your end of the relationship, but it will be harder for him. Not because he’s a guy, but because he’s entering a new chapter in his life and with that comes new ideas, new people, new situations, new places, new everything. To be in a relationship with you will definitely impact his experience, and a lot of people like to be completely free of all ties when they enter college, or any new experience for that matter.
However, he’s not saying that, and frankly, finding someone special doesn’t happen every day. Obviously he realizes this or he wouldn’t have said he wants to try doing a long distance relationship. This can work, but it won’t be easy for either of you. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth giving it a try. If you don’t give it a shot, you’re going to regret it even if you end up getting hurt, which is hard to predict.
The key is solid and regular communication. Now once again, this will be easier for you because your schedule will be set, and you’ll be doing what you’ve been doing for the last three years: going to high school. But his schedule will be all over the place. Right now he has no idea what to expect, so we imagine it will be harder for him at first. The two of you just need to keep working our your plan.
Questions to talk about:
How often will we talk? What time of day? Via phone? Skype? Text? Email?
Then of course you need to make sure you see each other as much as possible, which like you said won’t be very often. But let’s be clear, it’s worth the money, because the two of you will need regular reminders of why you’re putting in the work. You need to be with each other from time to time to connect on a physical level. (We don’t necessarily mean sex.) Just being with the other person is important.
Once again the key to making this work is communication. Everything should be discussed, and then revised, and then discussed again. You can make this work if both of you are on the same page, and choose to be in the relationship every day. But there are no guarantees; but then again there are no guarantees with any relationship. To be in a loving relationship is to be vulnerable.
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