Boyfriend’s going away to college; can it work?

Hey Guys,

I have known my boyfriend for a couple years now but I did not really get to know him until a couple months ago. We’ve been dating for a little over a month now and I really like him. We spend everyday together and are both really happy together. A month is not a long time but I’ve never had so many feelings for someone in such a short time. This summer, we plan to make the most of it. He is leaving to college which is a couple hours away while I’m back home finishing high school. When I brought up the situation of dating long distance he would usually say “I don’t like thinking about it, let’s just enjoy this summer..” But finally we talked about it and he said he wanted to do long distance.

Would it be worth it? I like him so much, and I would just hate to lose him. I know because of his financial situation I would only see him every couple of months.. Which, I know, would be hard for both of us. Both our families are involved in the relationship. How could I make it work? Should I even give it a shot? I don’t want to waste my time and be vulnerable.

Alana

Dear Alana,

Thanks for your question.

It can work if you’re both very committed to making it work. Since you’ve written to us we know you’ll be able to keep up your end of the relationship, but it will be harder for him. Not because he’s a guy, but because he’s entering a new chapter in his life and with that comes new ideas, new people, new situations, new places, new everything. To be in a relationship with you will definitely impact his experience, and a lot of people like to be completely free of all ties when they enter college, or any new experience for that matter.

However, he’s not saying that, and frankly, finding someone special doesn’t happen every day. Obviously he realizes this or he wouldn’t have said he wants to try doing a long distance relationship. This can work, but it won’t be easy for either of you. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth giving it a try. If you don’t give it a shot, you’re going to regret it even if you end up getting hurt, which is hard to predict.

The key is solid and regular communication. Now once again, this will be easier for you because your schedule will be set, and you’ll be doing what you’ve been doing for the last three years: going to high school. But his schedule will be all over the place. Right now he has no idea what to expect, so we imagine it will be harder for him at first. The two of you just need to keep working our your plan.

Questions to talk about:

How often will we talk? What time of day? Via phone? Skype? Text? Email?

Then of course you need to make sure you see each other as much as possible, which like you said won’t be very often. But let’s be clear, it’s worth the money, because the two of you will need regular reminders of why you’re putting in the work. You need to be with each other from time to time to connect on a physical level. (We don’t necessarily mean sex.) Just being with the other person is important.

Once again the key to making this work is communication. Everything should be discussed, and then revised, and then discussed again. You can make this work if both of you are on the same page, and choose to be in the relationship every day. But there are no guarantees; but then again there are no guarantees with any relationship. To be in a loving relationship is to be vulnerable.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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1 Comment on Boyfriend’s going away to college; can it work?

  1. @The guys – Hey guys! Im kind of stuck in a jam and would love your advice! So iv been dateing this guy for about a year now and we recently broke up 3 and a half a weeks ago .. Heres some back ground first. We had an amazing realtionship! He is the sweetest man i have ever met.. I felt like we were so in love he did eveything for me never broke plans with me always wanted to see me talked to me everyday more then enough effections .. Just so perfect ..so funny and just we had a really loving realtionship. And he hasnt changed theew the year at all.. The problem is he doesnt have any family here they live in winnipig and his mom lives in churchhill and are divorced. He lives in the same city as me.. He has always mentioned its always been an opprotunity to move back home and go to school and get a carrer but never did because of me and just 3 weeka ago he decided hes going :( .. And wants to do it on his own to prove he can do it on his own. I offered to move but he doesnt want me to.. He said he will always be my best friend and hopes in the future we will be together again.. The thing is now he will barley tall to me and is acting cold and wont stay in touch unless i talk to him first? He always anwsers but i dont get how someone ” so in love ” can just walk away let alone stop talking to me? I know hes at a cross roads with his life but.. I dont know why he doesnt want me along for the journey and is treating me this way?

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