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Some recent questions:
Relationship advice: Dating older men (Also check out our video on the topic. See our video page)
I’ve been dating someone for the past one and a half years. We are 25 and 27. Our relationship was very good and our bond was solid; we were always very happy together. After one year together, I discussed with him the possibility of moving our relationship forward in the next one to three years. It was like pulling teeth. My feelings turned to resentment after many months. Finally, he decided to try counseling to see why he was so afraid of commitment even though he loves me.
I broke up with him last month after I couldn’t take it anymore. Two weeks later he comes back asking for more time. I give it to him. One month later, he tells me he still couldn’t come to terms with marriage and so here I am now.
I’m so upset I haven’t talked to him because it will make me feel worse. I know he wants to be friends. What should I do? I love this man and thought he was the one I’d spend forever with. Part of me says to cut ties but the other part says there are so many people that get back together down the road, maybe that’ll be us, so I should stay friends.
What are the chances of reconciliation? After all, we did not break up because we don’t love each other anymore. Help!
Thanks for your question. We’re sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.
We think his actions speak louder than his words. We don’t doubt he cares a lot about you. We’re sure you’ve shared a lot of great times in the last few years, but clearly something was missing for him, or he would have been excited to move forward with you.
People sometimes get back together down the road, but not too often; and if they do, it’s usually many, many years down the road, when people have matured, evolved, and almost become different people. But most of the time, after a painful few months—and sometimes a bit longer—people go on to live their own lives, finding new love and possibility.
We think your best plan Sandy is to let yourself grieve, and then start to move on. You might have thought this guy was the man of your dreams, but our sense is, when it came down to it, he didn’t feel the same way. Clearly there’s something he isn’t telling you. Or maybe there isn’t anything to tell you beyond the bottom line: His gut tells him something is missing for him.
Even though this may be difficult to hear, but we think you ultimately want a man who loves you the way you love him, and who is just as excited at the prospect of spending his life with you, as you are with him. Because as you know, without this reciprocation, resentment and anger will likely flourish and that’s no foundation to build a relationship from.
We have faith that all of this will work out for you Sandy. Hang in there. And when you do find the right person for you, you probably won’t have to even have a discussion about moving forward; our guess is it will just happen naturally.
All the best,
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