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Breakup then friends: What’s he thinking?

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Hi Guys!

I was in a relationship for  four months with this amazing guy. Out of the blue, he breaks up with me. Yet he still talks to me via chat every day. I love talking to him so I don’t mind it…we can still be friends.

But what is he doing? What is he thinking? Is he just not ready for a serious relationship? Explain!

Melissa

Dear Melissa,

Thanks for your question.

What’s he doing? He’s having a hard time letting you go, even if he was the one who did the breaking up.

What’s he thinking? He’s thinking, “This girl is so cool. I just wish I was in love with her, but I’m not. This sucks.”

If you truly value him as a friend Melissa, and are able make the transition from girlfriend to platonic relationship, then by all means keep him as a friend. But if you are talking to him, hoping things will change, and hoping he’ll come to his senses and realize you’re the one for him, it’s best you moved on. It’s unlikely he’s going to change his mind.

Is he just not ready for a serious relationship? Well, you don’t mention how old you are so it is possible he’s not ready for a long term relationship based on his age. But it’s also likely he’s just not ready for  a long term relationship with you. We’re sorry about that.

Maybe with all this talking you two are doing, you could ask him why he broke up with you in the first place? That might help you make sense of all of this.

And we’re curious what your friends think? Did they like him when the two of you were dating? What are they saying to you? Check out our video on that topic. Visit our Video Page, or go to You Tube.

Good luck Melissa.

THE GUYS

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2 Comments on Breakup then friends: What’s he thinking?

  1. Stephanie // July 10, 2013 at 1:25 pm //

    So this literally just happened last night. My (ex)boyfriend and I have been friends for 7 years and we’ve been attracted to eachother since the first time we actually talked (about 6 years)
    We decided to date about 2 years ago and this is important: we both suffer from depression as we’ve both had abusive childhoods (sexually/physically/mentally by both family and friends).. The first time we dated we were both a wreck because it was our first serious relationship and we ended up being too much for one another to handle (Emotionally unstable) He broke it off and we were apart for one year (dated other people and such) but he contacted me roughly two weeks after and we were somewhat friends.

    Then four months ago we ended up getting back together about a month aftereach of us broke it off with other people. He moved in with me after a month of being together because the college we go to is near. After we got together the subject of our previous broke up came into play. When we broke up he tried to get with ANY girl he could. He’s always had low self esteem and he’s afraid to be alone and he kind of went off the deep end I guess, this hurt me as not even a week after we broke up he was seeing another girl.

    I told him this would be hard to forgive and he said it hurt to hear but he understood and this ended up really bothering him. He’s been severely depressed the past three months and said (while crying) last night he wanted out because he can hardly focus on himself and he feels like he’s bringing me down as well and at the end of the day he NEEDS (the word he used) me to smile. I didn’t cry, I simply said I agree and that I am happy he wants to get himself better.

    He said he feels like this isn’t the end and he wants to be with me and loves me to death but right now he needs to work on getting better and his self-esteem ( I couldn’t even joke with him and call him a “tard” without him taking it personally).

    My question is, do you think this is perminant? Can you give me any insight on whats going on in his mind? He stayed the night over my house and I plan on giving him the space he needs but I’m just worried for him. Please have some idea on how depression works, a lot of people mistake it’s importance and how badly it effects people. It’s very difficult to deal with.

  2. @Stephanie…….Your question may be above our pay grade. We are not professional therapists, just guys with opinions. (He might benefit from seeing one. You as well. ) However, we can focus on the relationship piece of your question. Maybe the two of you feel connected because you have a similar past. But honestly, that’s not what’s going to keep you together. To us it sounds like both of you need to work on yourselves and get a fresh start with someone else. For you specifically. He seems like a project. You don’t need that. You need to be with someone who is whole and healthy. Not someone you have to “fix.”

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