Can a guy and a girl really be friends?

Hey Guys!

So I’m 18, and have a platonic friendship with a guy who’s 21. We’ve been friends for almost four years but the last two years our friendship really became a solid one.

We used to argue a lot when we were younger and we did have our problems, to the point where I needed a break and cut him out of my life for six months. But after that break we got talking again and we’ve eventually regained our friendship. We haven’t had a single argument in the past nine months; we’re equals to each other; we share everything; we know each other inside out; we can express how we feel or if the other has annoyed us we can tell each other without it becoming a problem or turning into an argument; we respect each other; we care; we’re protective of one another (him more so over me than what I am over him); we trust one another and always encourage and want only the best for one another. And admittedly I do love him to pieces and I know he loves me, but in a strictly platonic way. He’s my go to guy, the one I want to call when I have good or bad news, and he’s the guy who calls me from the other side of the world to ask me how an interview went. The one person who always sees the best in me and can always make me smile.

Now my question is, that’s how I see our friendship. Recently some of the things he’s said and done have caused me to wonder about how he sees our friendship compared to the way I see it.

For example, recently a guy who I’ve known for a while—he knows him too, but doesn’t know him personally—became a romantic interest of mine. And my guy friend doesn’t like him. He doesn’t know him or anything about him, but after one incident where this guy walked me home and tried it on, which I refused his advances, my guy best friend automatically does not like him. He tells me this guys a creep, that if this guy ever wants to walk me home again, he needs to have his permission to do so. He’s involving himself too much in my personal life, and I don’t even involve myself in his. He’s told me that every time he sees this guy he feels irritated and wants to tell him to “fuck off.”

Then recently after a night out, he was about to walk a girl home and we bumped into each other. We hugged and he asked me to text him when I got home to know I was safe. He then called me (drunk) and told me the girl had asked who I was and he’d told her that I was his “friend with benefits.” (When our friendship is nothing of the sort and nothing like that had ever happened between us in the whole four years we’ve known each other.) So you can understand why I paused in my response as I didn’t know what to say to that.

Is he just being overprotective with this guy who’s shown and interest in me or does he see our friendship in a different way that I do? If so what should I do?

Elle

Dear Elle,

Thanks for your question. Here’s a related question we previously answered: What does my best friend want?

The answer starts with you. What do you want? Let’s say he was interested in being more than friends with you—we think he might be. Would you be interested in him romantically? Because how you proceed will be based on how you answer those questions. You need to be completely honest with yourself. Could you see him as more than a friend? Not, do you wish you could see him as more than a friend, but could you actually see yourself romantically involved with him? Or do you strictly view him as your closest friend?

It’s a risk for either of you to express that you might want more from the relationship. He’s skirting around the issue, dropping hints, exaggerating to other people about your relationship, being overprotective, and frankly, protecting his “territory.” Don’t get upset. That’s just how guys are when they care about a woman. It’s not that he sees you as someone who needs protecting, or who even wants it, it’s just his guy instincts kicking in.

It’s unlikely he’ll come right out and tell you he wants more from you, unless he’s drunk again. It’s too much of a risk for three reasons. 1. He doesn’t want to lose your friendship. 2. He doesn’t want to embarrass himself. 3. If he doesn’t say anything he can always hope that he still might have a chance with you. If he says something and you don’t feel the same way, then the opportunity is lost forever.

So once again Elle, what do you want?

It is possible we could be misinterpreting his actions, but it seems we see what you do. At least we’re assuming, otherwise why would you have written to us wondering what was going on.

If you only see him as a friend you need to start establishing clearer boundaries. He shouldn’t be getting involved in your romantic interests, and he has no right to comment about the guys you are interested in unless you ask his opinion directly. He also needs to back off the overprotective guy mode and remember the two of you are just close friends. And finally he needs to stop exaggerating about your relationship to other people. That’s just a subtle way of gaining control over you, like he can steer this relationship in the direction he wants. But unfortunately these parameters need to come from you. You’re going to have to say something, otherwise he’s going to continue behaving this way.

We wish we could give you a definitive answer, but alas, the decision is up to you. Have you thought of having a talk with him about what’s really going on? If you want more from him, have you thought of telling him? At some point—probably sooner rather than later—the two of you need to hash all of these things out. Otherwise this could boil over into a situation where you need to “break up” for a time, like you did before.

What do you think? Leave us a comment, or a follow up question in the comment’s section below.

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Good luck,

THE GUYS

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45 Comments on Can a guy and a girl really be friends?

  1. Hi, I have kind of a complicated problem. I dated this guy for over a year, and we mutually broke up in April because we needed a break, and he was going off to college while I still had one year of high school. We agreed to stay friends, and possibly get back together after a year or so. And for about 3 months while we were still dating, he made friends with this girl named Jac. They were texting a lot and hanging out, and I didn’t mind because we were in love and they were just friends. I never told him not to talk to her, because I believe a girlfriend really doesn’t have a right to control their boyfriend’s friends. Anyway, about 3 weeks after we broke up, he rebounded and started going out with her. Obviously I was crushed, but I was determined to stay friends with him, and I wanted to be friends with her too. So I tried to talk to her over the summer, but she never really responded. We hung out once, but after that we just stopped talking. She went off to college in Iowa, and my ex went to college in Chicago (where I live). I figured the friendship just wouldn’t work and decided to let it go. My ex and I were still talking, and actually became decent friends. It wasn’t awkward at all, but soon it took a turn for the . . . flirty and dirty. Somehow every conversation we had ended up with us talking about sex, as in doing it with each other. I didn’t really believe it would happen, but one day he invited me to stay a night at his dorm and I agreed, assuming I would really stay with my aunt, who doesn’t live far away. We made a day of it, hanging out together, playing video games, eating lunch at his dining hall, walking around campus, talking to his dorm hallmates. Around 9, we moved into his room alone, and one thing led to another and we really did do it. I was surprised, and happy, and somewhat guilty, and confused. He felt awful afterwards, and insisted we don’t say anything to anyone about it (oops.) and stop doing it. I agreed. I haven’t said a word before this, and I know he hasn’t. So our friendship went back to normal. We kept talking, but we were careful to not let it get dirty. I was happy again. I finally had a friend I could count on, and there was nothing awkward between us. His girlfriend didn’t feel as good as I did apparently, because two nights ago, in the middle of our conversation, he told me he was forbidden from talking to me anymore. He said that he had told Jac that we were talking, and she got completely furious and told him we weren’t allowed to talk anymore. He was upset, and knew I was too, but decided to follow her wishes because he wanted her to be happy. I know that what we did was wrong, and I deserve her to tell me that we aren’t allowed to talk, but I also can’t help feeling furious that she would invade my life that way. I always let her and him talk while he was my boyfriend, and I know for a fact that he flirted with her too, and hung out with him until almost 1 am regularly. I feel like her actions were unnecessary and harsh, and I’m tempted to yell at her, but I feel like it wouldn’t help anything. I just really need some advice. I want to talk to my friend again because I really miss having someone to count on. But I can’t tell her the truth about what happened between my ex and I, and I can’t just yell at her because my ex would only get angry with me. I also feel like I should ask him if he WANTS to talk to me, because we agreed to be friends, or if he’d just prefer to let the friendship go. But I’m afraid of the answer. :/ HELP!!

  2. @Grace….Nice to hear from you again. Did you ever read our reply to your other comment? On the Friends with Benefits post? As far as your current situation, we hate to say it, but you really don’t have a say in the matter. We know it stinks, but if your ex isn’t going to stand up to her, then getting mad about it isn’t going to help. And think about this. If he’s not standing up to her, then a part of him doesn’t want to stand up to her. So what’s the deal? Does a part of you want your ex back? It kind of seems that way. And we’re not talking just as a friend. Our opinion/well more of a question: Are you sure about this guy? He doesn’t seem like much of a boyfriend. To you, or to her. Kind of seems like a player. (And that’s being nice.)

  3. Yes, I did read it, and clearly things have progressed . . . yes, I do miss and want him back. I’ve accepted that it will be a while before that can happen, if it ever will. And I know he seems like a player these questions seem to make him look that way. Trust me when I tell you he normally isn’t, but things have been really complicated with the three of us lately. I’m really confused about how I feel about him right now. Every time he told me about one of their fights, or when he said how upset he was about not being able to talk to me, part of me was happy that she was making him unhappy because I thought it would lead to their breakup. But another part of me feels bad that he’s unhappy and wants him to work things out with her. I want him to be happy is the bottom line. But her making him happy makes me unhappy, and it’s all just so messed up. I don’t know if I should encourage him to go against what she wants and talk to me still, or let it work out for itself.

  4. @Grace…..We think it’s always best to work out problems internally, or within the immediate unit before involving others. Out opinion would be to take a step back, give them some space for a while and see what happens. If you really want him back, why don’t you tell him that? Something like: “It’s clear to me now how connected I feel to you on a lot of different levels, and if things were different and you were single I could see wanting to give things another try. But at the same time, I want to give you space in order to figure things out with you and (her name.) So I’m going to take a step back for a bit. If you want to talk more about this, if things don’t work out with (her name) then give me a call/etc.” Of course you have to feel comfortable with whatever approach you take. The thing is Grace, too much of the time people involve other people while they’re sorting out issues with their partner and it only confuses matters. Guys do that while married. Instead of working on the issues with their spouse they start having an affair while they’re working out issues. It’s not fair to their wives or to their “other woman.” It just muddies the water and prevents any sort of clear decision to be made. So we think you need to give him space. What do you think? What’s your plan?

  5. I think I have to wait, and see how things progress between them, and see if he decides to talk to me again anyway. If he decides I’m worth standing up for, and that he wants to talk to me, I’ll know I’m more than just another person in his life. I think he knows that I still love him and want to try things again, but IF he talks to me again, after a while I think I’ll have to put it back out there. Thanks so much for your help guys.

  6. @Grace…..You’re welcome. Good luck and keep us posted how things progress.

  7. Hi guys…. so I have been best friends with guy named Steve for over ten years. We are both 23 yrs old and have been friends since middle school. Throughout the years we were truly just best friends but two years ago we kissed for the first time.. it happened at the tail end of his 5 year relationship with his ex and ever since then we have randomly been making out… thinking about it its crazy that we were friends for so many years and never kissed and after all this time we started too… now that we are older its kinda of confusing because we can’t say we were young and being immature. he always tells me he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful..A couple of months ago we had an intimate night.. but no we did not have sex. he wanted to and i sort of stopped it because i didn’t want to ruin our friendship. i didn’t make it awkward it was still playful and fun. I can say that was the best decision i made bc now we are still friends… however , since that night we have not kissed or anything.. he kind of backed off a little… use to call me everyday and we would see each other a lot… he started a new job at the same time this all happened and he is very busy i do know that.. he’s backed away from all of his friends and we all bitch about him being MIA but he has a reason to be… BUT he has now met someone… he said they have known each other and I’ve heard about her before and now they have become a little more serious within the last month.. its still new but he has kept it from me and doesn’t tell me much info like he use to… i told him that he has been MIA and i don’t like it… he keeps apologizing using work as his excuse but somehow me makes time for her… lately he has been communicating a lot more with me… he told me about her and i acted totally cool.. he doesn’t rub it in my face but i know she likes him a lot… last weekend i saw him dinner and drinks and he told me more about her and said he ” doesn’t think it will work” he has mixed feelings about her…. idk if he’s being vague bc !
    its a li
    ttle awkward to talk about it with me…well now… heres the main situation… this weekend he calls me and asks to hang and go out i gave him the plans and he said yes and wants to bring her and her friends…. now i was going to meet her!!!! i was shocked but said ok! sure…. we go all go out and i meet her… she is very nice but I’m not exaggerating she is not pretty at all.. i was shocked that is who he was seriously talking too.. all of my good friends that keep in mind are good friends with him as well were like “wow”… i acted completely cool and went with the flow… she was nice I’m not going to lie and did try to talk and dance with me which was fine but i had a big group of friends with me and felt awkward so i kind of kept my distance but not in a awkward way i still had a smile on my face… he kept staring at me and was kept trying to hug me and chit chat.. i reciprocated like a friend and acted like it was ” back in the day” i acted the same way we were before we ever hooked up… she was staring at me as well and kept saying to me ” you so beautiful” so i was being nice to her.. its truly nothing against her at all…back to the way he was behaving… he would keep kissing me on the cheek and say do you still love me? and we were all a little tipsy and i was like yeah of course i do.. he became a little flirty with me when she wasn’t around and preoccupied with her friends… he also kept saying how nice i looked and how he’s so happy we are out tonight… now from friends they said he was staring at me with ” sad eyes” … she was ALL over him and he wasn’t really having it.. he would kinda tell her to chill out… i found it quite amusing lol… he would kept calling my name telling me to come next to him sit by him and all.. i did sometimes but it was kinda weird for me… no one could tell bc i didn’t show it on my face… throughout the night he asked everyone what they thought of her and everyone was like she’s nice .. he didn’t like that answer and kept saying well ” look wise!
    !” and e
    veryones answer was like ” she’s average” ” she’s alright” ” she’s okay”… and he kinda was like ” ohh “… he never asked me what i thought! i was waiting for my chance to say it lol…After we left he texted me asking if i got home ok and i said yes.. he texted me back saying ok good i love you … i said goodnight.. the next day he kept texting me making general convo asking if i had a good time… i know deep down inside we like each other but neither of us know if its the right thing to do… My main question here is… am i wasting my time thinking he liked or likes me? i want to be able to open up and say how i feel but I’m scree he will reject me …i just don’t understand why he kept looking for me all night and was staring at me? he didn’t look happy..i just wonder if he likes me and doesn’t think i do or he rather just be friends..

  8. Hey its the original poster. I don’t have any romantic feelings for my friend. Something happened recently when he came into the bar where i work with a few of his friends, and one of their mothers was at the bar, he kept telling her that I loved him, and his best friend kept saying that he’s under the thumb when it comes to me, which is totally untrue by the way, he’s not, we live separate lives and i don’t tell him what he can and cant do. At all, so such a comment puzzled me and lead me to think they must have discussed me in some way to make his friend say such a thing. Then me and my friend were just tormenting each other, and I asked him to meet me after work because some guy had creeped me out seriously and i didn’t want to walk home alone, so he did and we shared a cab along with his best friend, another untruth similar to what happened with the girl occurred. Now heres my problem. he told me that his friends mother had told him that we should get together, i disregarded it and told him that’s what he gets for telling her i loved him, and then he said that they thought i was good looking, whilst i disregarded the whole thing, I noticed that he didn’t in any way at all. What if his friends mother has put ideas in his head or opened his mind up to thoughts and ideas he may have not considered? I’m scared this could cause us to lose the friendship we have. I’m happy the way things are. What do you guys think?

  9. @Elle…..You may be happy the way things are, but is he? It doesn’t sound like it. The thing is, when one person is secretly wishing for more, it puts a a strain on the relationship. Eventually he’s going to grow weary, and we wouldn’t be surprised if one day he just says he can’t be friends. Guys have a hard time with this sort of thing. (That is if he has romantic feelings for you, which it seems obvious that he does.) It might be time for a talk with him. Is that possible?

  10. The thing is, for the majority of the years we’ve known each other, i don’t really think we’ve thought of each other in that way, i mean the same night this happened he was telling me about girls he’d been kissing previously before coming into the bar, and i don’t get jealous, i even wound him up when him and him and his friend kept staring at the door telling them they were way too obvious staring at the door hoping for a good looking girl to walk in, we even discuss him getting a girlfriend and other girls. So i don’t think a talk is possible because nothing has ever been discussed or happened between us to even bring it up as an issue? & there isn’t really any strain on our friendship, i dont come between him and other girls, but he has a problem with that recent romantic interest of mine & that didnt really put a strain on our relationship but it does annoy me how much he dislikes that guy because in my eyes, its none of his business. The whole situations confusing i don’t know which way to read it, or even if i’m just reading into things. I dont want to discuss it with him because of this reason, and we have been friends for the past almost four years and there hasnt been any problems or little things happen like this before.

  11. @Elle…..Maybe you just need time to let the awkward tension dissipate. Let things slide and see how it plays out in the next month. If he gets too obnoxious about things then you need to put your foot down. Hopefully this will all blow over and you can go back to being good friends.

  12. Hello Guys!
    I have been seeing this guy for almost a year, kind of a “friends with benefits” ordeal. He recently broke off a two year relationship and I am newly divorced from my highschool sweetheart. I am 26 and this guy I am seeing is 27. He wants a family some day and so do I and we have a lot in common so much that he calls us “thing 1 and thing 2”. We do sleep together but we often go out for drinks, dancing, dinner, go kart racing and whatever else sounds like fun. He has told me on several occasions that he is not emotionally ready for a relationship and not to fall in love with him yet.
    We have talked about us together and we did agree that we love eachtother and love spending time together but now is not right. I have met his family and his close friends adore me (they hate his ex). I have expressed to him that in the future I would like a chance to be exclusive and that I am in love with him. He has expressed that he likes me as well but is affraid to get hurt and wants to try things differently from here on out with relationships andthat he is not ready. I guess what I am asking is how and could this become an exclusive thing or am I just repeadedly hurting myself for no reason? He has had a hard time getting over his ex as she wont leave him alone and controls his emotions but sometimes he just seems as though he is in love with me but I cannot tell. Please help me. I just want to figure out if taking it slow is what I should do or walk.

  13. @Knikitta……Well, if he’s still intertwined with his ex, you might be better off to let him deal with her without getting too involved. It’s better for him, and probably better for you. We’re not saying you should stop seeing him permanently, but more of a temporary break. We also think that sleeping with him is not going to help your cause. He’s getting to have his cake and eat it to. He wants to be single, but he still wants sex and fun. You’re providing all three. You’re understanding about his emotional readiness—or lack of readiness—but at the same time you’re catering to all his needs. We’re not saying you’re getting nothing from this, but typically these types of arrangements don’t lead to anything serious; so what happens is the woman usually feels left out in the cold. We’re worried that that’s happening here. Although, he does seem more invested than the typical FWB partner. Is it possible to take a step back and not see him for a bit while he figures out what he really wants? FYI: When a guy says he’s afraid of getting hurt, that just means he doesn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship. It’s usually an excuse, at least from our experience. Just our two cents. Your thoughts? ps. Please share our site with friends. Facebook, Twitter, etc. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  14. Hi guys…so I have a pretty complicated situation to deal with now. My guy best friend Lucas said that maybe he and I can have sex “just for fun” while I was asking him for advice(through whatsapp) on this guy I had a crush on recently(they are friends for abt 4 years so I think I should definatly now what he thinks of him).At first I thought he was joking because: a)his ex is my BFF and I think she still has feeling for him even though she is dating smone else. b)his best friend Francis and I were best friend too but Francis use me as FWB and the thing between us just break my heart because he has a girlfriend (yes he cheated and I felt guilty for it …)and I fall in love with him but he never loves me back as a girlfriend(friend zoned or fuck zoned whatever).Now we basically stop talking to each other.Although I really love him and we care each other so much,I think deserve more and c)Lucas knew every single thing that happened between me and Francis.Actually when those things broke out his reaction was…calling me a slut to my face and not talking to me for 2 yrs… we recently regain our friendship tho:) He said that he just can’t understand why I would fall for Francis to the point that i had sex with him knowing that he didn’t love me n he just being flirty and I still can’t get over him.He knew I was hurt badily and I definatly said that I refuse to have sex anymore until I get married or something.I just don’t want to be hurt by some guy that just gonna leave me eventually cause I always meet some douche.

    So yeah I thought Lucas was joking but really he wasn’t!He said that it’s gonna just be friendship and sex between us and it won’t hurt me because he said that I was only hurt because I love Francis.I can’t believed what he just asked so I refused of course.I told him that after what happened with me and Francis,I really don’t wanna ruin a friendship again.And it would be exremely awkward because I know the “don’t have sex with ur best friend’s ex” rule.That’s gonna ruin yet anohter friendship……And he didn’t talk to me ever since!He is not replying on whatsapp or facebook.He is not answering my phone.So I really don’t know what I should do now!I really love him as a friend but I would never date him.He is my go to guy I love being arround him but the least thing I wanna do is ruining this true and pure(at least that’s what I thought…) friendship between us.I still wanna be friends but he refuse to talk to me……
    What should I do now and what was he thinking?

    PLEASE HELP :(

  15. @Katherine….You did the right by declining his offer. We’re not very keen on FWB because they usually end up with someone getting hurt. (Often the woman) Check out our video on the topic. See our video page. As per your friend. Well, he’s probably a bit embarrassed that you “rejected” him. You may not feel that you did but the male ego is pretty fragile, especially the one inhabiting young males. He’s also probably pissed off because he doesn’t see why you’d say no. To him it’s the perfect situation. And the other possibility, which we hate to bring up, but it’s important that we do, is the fact that maybe you weren’t as good friends as you thought. And that if he truly won’t talk to you because you rejected his advances, which by the way were kind of inappropriate, then he’s not much of a friend. We’d advise you strongly to not succumb to this game. Sure, you can reach out to him and tell him that you miss him as a friend, but don’t fall for the guilt trip. He needs to start acting more maturely and realize that he shouldn’t have been inquiring about sex with you in the first place. Does this help clarify some things? Your thoughts? ps. Please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  16. Christina // October 21, 2012 at 7:58 pm //

    Hey guys,
    Not really sure where to start here, this might be kinda long. Sorry in advanced haah… When I was 15 I met my friends older cousin (C), he was 19. The day we met was the day I fell for him. As I got older we started seeing each other more often when we would hang out with friends. Eventually he started asking to hang out with just me, come over to my house just to say hey, sit with me for hours just talking about nothing. But I was only 17, so nothing ever happened. He knew I had feelings for him and he called me out on it and made me talk to him. The summer after I graduated high school I went on a two week long trip to Italy. The day I left, I left a 4 page letter with all my feelings for him on his front porch. The night I got back home from Italy he came over and stayed the night with me and we had our first kiss. A week after that he took me away for a weekend with just us, no cell phones, no tv or computers, it was so romantic. Some how I ended up in a friends with benefits situation, which didn’t last long. We have the same main group of friends that are like family to us… I admit they are mostly guys, with maybe a couple girls coming and going, but the boys are like my brothers, I take care of them haha. Well we decided to keep our situation a secret just to keep the drama low and so on. Anyway, C said that he wanted to quit hooking up because he felt like that was all I wanted him for and that what we had at first had gone because we were so worried about hooking up and keeping it a secret. So we did… but it wasn’t long before we were right back to the same problem. Eventually everyone found out about it and they all had a lot to say. A new girl (T) came into our little family and started hanging out with C a lot. He always told me that he didn’t have feelings for her and that he loved me and everything would be okay. That Christmas Eve we were on the phone and he finally broke down and admitted to me that he had feelings for this girl. I told him I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. He tried.. he called all my friends numbers that he had, but no one would talk to him. I met a new guy, made new friends and stuff. Quite a few months went by and one random day he called me and wanted to talk, so I agreed to meet him. He told me that what was going on between he and T didn’t mean anything and that they just liked hanging out. One drunken night while my new boyfriend was out of town I ended up sleeping with C. A couple days after that I found out he was actually dating T. After that I didn’t talk to him for over a year. One day he just showed up at my house. No call or warning or anything. After a year of not talking, just shows up. I happened to be moving about 2 hours away and he agreed to help me move all my stuff since he has a big truck. On the ride he told me that he had broken up with T and how he missed me and yadayada. About two weeks of everything being like it used to be, he was back with T. He blocked my number, wouldn’t hang out with our mutual friends.. just pretty much disappeared. My friend saw him at a bar one night and confronted him. He told her that he loved me so much but that he was with T and couldn’t leave her. My friend gave him this perspective, he had T but who did I have while I was sitting around waiting? She told him that she thought he was a selfish asshole and that she would tell me everything he had said. He chugged his drink, slammed his glass down and walked out of the bar. Fast forward a few weeks. We are all at C’s sisters house, sitting outside on the porch. C and T had been broken up again for a while and C was hanging out a lot more, which made me happy. A few peole were sitting outside, including C, and they were talking about love. C says that he knew he loved T but wasn’t IN love with her, and that there was this girl from before T who he had really been a jerk to, he wanted to fix it but didn’t know if he had let her slip through his fingers. That night he went home with me. He asked me if it made me mad that he was so indecisive about his love life. I was gone and only came home sometimes. But after that he avoided me most of the time. I moved back home this year. Im 22 now and hes 26. We slept together a couple months ago, even though he was in a relationship. He broke up with her. This week he has been texting me saying how sorry he is and so on. I love him so much. Why does he keep messing with me? It has been 5 years almost and we just keep coming back to the same place with him. I don’t know what to do anymore. I try to keep my space, or ignore him, be a bitch and almost everything else, but nothing seems to be able to get him to leave me alone. I appreciate any opinions. Thanks guys.

  17. @Christina…..He’s not leaving you alone because he knows you’re still open to him. He can come and go as he pleases and you’ll always be there to take him back. That said, he definitely has feelings for you, it’s jut not clear what they are, and what he’s looking for. A relationship, or a FWB. The problem we see is that your relationship with him is primarily about sex. Every time you get back together with him you hook up. You don’t go out on a nice date, talk, learn about one another more, you sleep together. And that only confuses things more, let alone the fact that one of you is usually involved with someone else at the time these trysts happen. Let’s address that first. Cheating is cheating. And if he’s cheating on his girl to be with you, who’s to say he wouldn’t do the same to you? It’s a major red-flag that you at least need to consider. What’s sorely missing here is communication. The two of you are like ships in the night. When are you going to start talking to one another and telling each other what you want? If you want to be with this man that’s what you need to do. There are no guarantees that it will work out but at least you’ll know and you won’t have any regrets. We’re not sure if he’s able or ready to be in a serious and committed relationship. He still seems very much all over the place, and still at the selfish phase in his life. (Doing whatever he pleases. Guys do that when they’re younger and some do it their entire lives.) But at least you’ll know. If your conversations don’t go well, then you need to have the strength to move on. Our suggestion: Try to figure this out with him first. Then decide from there. Your thoughts? ps. Please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  18. vieshaiely // November 1, 2012 at 7:01 pm //

    I have best friend for three years…..we r very close and we always hangout everyday, going out for movies and hving dinner….we have each other’shoulder to cry on and everything was perfect till he told me bout his ex and how he still loves her even if she has already move on and keeps blaming himself for wateva happened…i feel so crushed hearing this and thats when i realised i love him…so ever since that i tried to keep my distance…afraid of showing my feelings and ruining my friendship…i made an excuse of having a boyfriend and needing to be with him….my guy friend understood…he always sees me around with my bf and make fun of me all the time…what he dnt know was that my love for my bf was fake…i know it was wrong to put hopes on someone whom i dnt even love…but i juz need to keep myself from ruining my friendship…then after few months we gt to be so close again and i feel my heart thundering whenver i see him….i couldnt bear the truth of lying to my bf and so i told him the truth…thankfully my bf understands me and told me to go for it…so one night when my guy friend called me…i told him bout my feelings for him…he was shocked and he said he ws sorry to put me in this mess…he told me he will talk to me tomorrow and assured me evrything will be fine…the next morning …i checked my phone and he texted me ‘good morning gorgeous’…..i was so happy thinking that maybe he loves me to….as we hangout that day…he keep smilig at me …playing with my hair..teasing me and it was unusual that he plays with my hair as he never touches me all this while..then before he sends me he told me he juz wants us to be friends as he still loves his gf…and he wanted me to get back with my bf..he told he cd neva be a gud bf for me….i was so sad ..when i told him its ok that he rejected me…he said to never use that word as it was being too harsh and he never meant that…so we resumed to our normal relationship acting like this never happened…and i gt back with my bf….four months later he told me he has a new gf when he knows i love him and the reason he rejected me was because he still loves his ex….i feel betrayed…but i kept it nonchalant …like i ddnt care…but nowdays we dnt even talk to each other he never text me like he used to…whenever i text him..he says he cnt text cz he is texting or skyping with his gf….its like he is avoiding me….but deep inside i feel that he dnt hve a gf and he is lying to me about it….now im still with my bf and its going good despite the fact that i dnt really love him as much as i love my guy friend…what shud i do..im sooo confused…

  19. @Vieshalely…..The first thing you need to figure out is what do you want? Here’s what we’re hearing from you. 1. You’re in love with your guy friend. 2. You’re not in love with your boyfriend. 3. Your guy friend is not in love with you. (He sees you as a friend.) We don’t like to actually tell people what to do because it’s always best for them to figure it out for themselves. Let’s start with your boyfriend. Can you really see yourself being with him for your life? To us, you’re just kind of lukewarm about him. And frankly, you deserve more, and so does he. How would you feel if the guy you were with kind of liked you, but really liked someone else more? Would you be happy he settled for you? We doubt it. So there are two separate issues going on here. One is your relationship with your boyfriend and the other is how you feel about this other guy friend. So what about this guy? Honestly, he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t feel about you the way you feel about him. So as hard as it may be, you need to move on. It’s not going to happen with him. But there is another guy out there for you, you just haven’t met him yet. Why? Because you’re too busy being with a guy you’re not that into, and pining away for a guy who’s not that into you. Sorry. We’re just trying to get you to see this from a more objective viewpoint. Your thoughts? ps. Please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  20. vieshaiely // November 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm //

    You are right…i should move on but i just cant stop thinking about him…and i have made clear to my boyfriend that i am not into him…but he believes that things will change one day and we will be together…he is so stubborn about it…even once when i told him him its over….he keeps acting like we are still together..maybe i just need to be alone…i havent been interested in any guy since my guy friend..i do get attracted but never to love…maybe i just care for my boyfriend like a brother and not as a lover…

  21. @Vieshalely…….Don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s a process. And you’re figuring it out. The first step might be to be on your own for a while so you can really assess what you want, and why you want it. Good luck and keep us posted. Come back anytime to ask a question or to check out our new site. Coming any day now. All the best. Have a good weekend.

  22. Hey, Guys.
    My best guy friend and I have known each other for 5 years, and we open up to each other. We’re extremely close and have a lot in common.
    When we first became friends, I was freshman and he was a junior. I was forced to tell him that I had a crush on him. When I did, he wrote an email explaining that he wasn’t sure if he wanted a girlfriend right now, but when he had more time to think, he might. It wasn’t even a big enough crush to want to date him, so I was a little baffled by this. By 2nd semester, and health class together, we became the best of friends. Although, they were moments that I question to this day about the behaviors I encountered that school year. Our best friend moved away, so he took her to prom so she could see everyone. This didn’t bother me in the slightest, and I was a little too focused on my girls that night and the fact that my feelings for this guy were growing rapidly; long story short, I kind of avoided him. I didn’t do it to be spiteful, but because of feelings I wasn’t sure of. Anyway, he emailed me the following day with complaints that I didn’t speak to him at Grand March and a story of why he didn’t believe in high school relationships and his fear of friendship to relationship to breaking up. Again with the dating thing, I wasn’t interested in commitment. He also mentioned that he was unsure of his feelings for me.
    My sophomore year, after becoming closer friends over the summer, we began to have our “dramas”; such as jealousy of me going with a friend to Homecoming after he told me he wouldn’t be attending, constantly jabbing at each other’s feelings when one ignored or avoided (the other would do the same), and insecurities. Although between the dramas, we had confrontations and sorted things out; but the pressures of graduation and separation was slowly tearing us apart. One day, I told him I didn’t want to be friends anymore because of everything that happened, but he fought for friendship (which took 3 days to completely heal). By the end, we found a solution.
    After he graduated, he finally told me that he’d never felt that way about me on a text after a wonderful week of being together. Yeah, I was crushed but Dad thought it was because of the college deal. The day before he had to go, he spent the entire day with me at my cousin’s baby shower/ our family reunion. The entire day! And he hardly knew anyone in my family, who loved him by the way and assumed he was my boyfriend. He never denied it, but I said nothing. When he left, we still stayed in contact surprisingly. We would talk about school and how we missed each other. I’m pretty sure we talked at least once a week if neither of us were busy. My junior year wasn’t much to talk about, but he did travel 2 1/2 hours from his college to take me to prom. With high school and rumors gone, it was so much easier for us. And every break he got, he’d come visit me and we’d spend as much time together as possible; even went to sport events to hang out with me (which we both dislike).
    Senior year, things started to change. I was the one who started to move on and dated around school. Although none of them worked out, and I went to prom with someone else, he was always there to talk to when I needed someone. He never seemed to like it when I mentioned my dating guys, and actually gave me silence in protest. I was so sure that my feelings for him had faded, until I saw him again. Wow, was he excited to see me. I was happy too, but I noticed that a girl liked him at his school. I was exactly jealous, but I was observant, and my guy friend didn’t even seem to notice her when I was there, but yet he did. It was a weird feeling, but I pushed it aside. The rest of the day, he was all over me and putting his arm around me while our friend had also come.
    That summer was a rough one. I graduated and learned that my best guy friend was hiding a secret from me whilst being around me the entire period; he was dating that girl I met at his play. I was really hurt that he wasn’t planning on ever telling me because he was afraid to lose me. It didn’t matter, I never hid things from him; but that day, I carried a secret too. He’d asked me if I still felt for him and I said no out of fear of ruining things. That summer, we became even closer and even spent the night at each other’s houses. We’d be honest and tell each other everything that was on our minds. I have to be honest, but I think our trust level went downward that summer. I ;ater did tell him the truth and he got quiet. When I asked him if he was mad, he said: “I just wish you’d told me sooner.” But later again, I called him my brother and that was it. So, yeah, I kind of friendzoned him.
    1 1/2 year later, here we are. Now at his college, we spend alot of time together and some of our friends want us to date. Problem is, he’s still with his girlfriend who he hardly acts like he likes. I’m thinking about telling him the truth, but I’m afraid to mess things up and I have the feeling that he knows. His girlfriend has told me that it’s hard on her for him and I to be so close, but she won’t tell him that herself. I love this guy so much and I want him to be happy, but I don’t think he is. I’ve even suggested staying away and he won’t let me go.
    I honestly have no idea what to do or say. I want to tell him the truth, but… yeah. What do you guys think?
    P.S.
    He will not talk about his girlfriend in front of me and seems nervous when we’re around each other. Also, our friends say that he acts like he likes me alot and doesn’t even acknowledge that he has a girlfriend. Even the people at our church think so!
    Sorry it was so long. THANKS!

  23. @Bwaygirl……..So are you wondering if you should tell him you like him? Is that your main concern? Are you worried that things might change between the two of you if you do tell him? Here’s our take so far: (After you fill us in we’ll offer some more insights)……..Your guy friend knows you like him. And he’s thought about it a lot. But he’s not doing anything about it. Why? Is it because he doesn’t like you in “that way” or is it because he’s shy and scared. That’s the million dollar question. What we think? We think he very much wishes he liked you in the relationship way, but he doesn’t. We think he sees you as this amazing person who he loves very much, but who he doesn’t see himself in a romantic relationship with. Of course, remember, you know the situation better than we do. But that’s how we see it based on what you’ve said, and based on our experience with these types of situations. Also, the reason he’s quiet about his girlfriend is not because he doesn’t like her, it’s because he doesn’t want to make you upset. Sure, maybe she’s not the right girl for him, but he’s still with her, so that says something. And honestly, your relationship with him IS a threat to her. And we think he’s being inconsiderate and unfair to her to be so emotionally attached to you. Just the way he flaunts it, seems pretty immature. Don’t take that the wrong way. We TOTALLY believe that men and women should have friends of the opposite sex, but when those friendships impinge upon the primary relationship something needs to be adjusted. He’s not taking any of that into account. If he doesn’t want to be with her that’s one thing. But if he’s with her, he can’t have a pseudo-relationship with you. And if we’re wrong and he does want a relationship with you—we hope we are—then he needs to step up to the plate and make that happen. We know this probably wasn’t what you expected so we hope you’ll think about it and let us know what’s on your mind. Take care. Your thoughts?

  24. This guy and I have worked together for over a year, recently we have been hanging out a lot. He intruduced me to all of his friends and family, (I went to his house on Thanksgiving to meet his sister who was home from college) I hang out with him and his friends all the time. And in front of his friends be puts his arms around me, and hugs me constantly. He considers me “one of the guys”. He trys to have sex with me all the time, I always say ” no i don’t wanna ruin our friendship”
    and he said I could be an exception(because he is not friends with anyone he has had sex with).. but I told him the other week that I kinda had feelings for him, but he says he is not ready for a relationship because of his ex.. which he broke up with 8 months ago.. he also told my friend I’m “like a sister to him, and if it really came down to it that he doesn’t think he would have sex with me.” The other night I was at his house watching a movie and he was touching me, EVERYWHERE, and we made out.. He really wanted to have sex, but I said no and he respected me and stopped trying. Then.. the next night he went out with another girl. I want it to be a relationship considering I already get along with all of his friends, and family. Everyone feels as if we are secretly dating, but we are not. So what am I? I feel as if I was “a sister” to him, we wouldn’t have hooked up in the first place. I just need a guys prespective about this, because I am lost. Thanks!

  25. @Mercedes…..We can see why you’d be confused. You’re a friend he wants to have sex with. That alone is confusing to many women but guys don’t necessarily want a relationship with every woman they want to have sex with. In fact, most guys would have sex with 75% of the female population, but really only want a relationship with maybe 25%. (That’s a very rough estimate.) We’re trying to make a point here. Just because he keeps trying to have sex with you doesn’t mean he wants a relationship, or he even feels that way for you. He’s horny. You’re at his place. He feels comfortable with you. And voila, he’s making the moves. If you have feelings for this guy we strongly suggest you don’t become intimate with him unless he says he wants a serious relationship, and even then proceed with caution. Why? Because he’s already made his intentions known with you. Guys don’t typically change their mind all of a sudden. Your thoughts? Does this help? Any more questions? Ask away. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. Facebook. Twitter. @TGPBuzz. Also, help out a fellow reader. Take a moment to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  26. Thanks! That does help. I recently told him that the “hooking up” needs to stop. I told him I was settling on being just friends, and he didn’t understand why I repeatedly used the work settled. So I explained, I’m settling for being just friends because I don’t want a “friends with Benefits” type of relationship, and what I really wanted wasn’t an option. He didn’t understand why I would want a acutal relationship with him, so I explained that as well. So now we are attempting to work on our relationship, as being more than friends.

  27. @Mercedes……This sounds positive. We’re pulling for you. Thanks for keeping us in the loop. Definitely keep us posted. Take care. And thanks for sharing our site with your friends. Take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on the Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  28. josephine // December 6, 2012 at 1:08 pm //

    Hi, guys!

    I met this guy while working at the same place. He had hit on me and told me that we should hang out. So, we eventually started hanging out. We enjoyed each other’s company. A few months into our friendship, I told him that I was developing feelings for him. He had told me numerous times that he loved me and cared about me. Recently, he has told me that he doesn’t want to be friends. I haven’t heard from him in over two weeks. My question is: did he have feelings for me? My second question is: how do I get him back as a friend? I miss him so much.

  29. @Josephine…..Question: Did he ever tell you how he felt about you, or did you just tell him how you felt? Just from what you say it sounds like he liked you more as a friend, and possibly grew uncomfortable after you told him you were developing feelings. What do you think? We’re sorry. ps. We do hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz. Share on Facebook or other social networking sites. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  30. Hey guys its the original poster. You were right. On new years eve out came an admission of exactly how he felt towards me. Drunk on his part. And yes it was more than just friends. Once he’d admitted that he felt that way everything he felt, poured out. That he loves me to bits, that he just wants to kiss me whenever he sees me, that with me everything feels right, that ive turned into a beautiful girl, that he knows why he loves me, that my smile makes him feel comfortable, cuddles kisses (on the cheek and forehead) I told him i didnt feel the same way, because after all that, i felt nothing. But the same platonic love ive always felt. I stayed with him and promised i wouldnt change so it wouldnt be awkward for him. The next day we spoke like nothing had even been said, apart from the few comments that suggested he remembered. It messed with my head i’ll be honest. I didnt know what to do. So i bit the bullet an went to see him and asked him straight up if he remembered. He said yes. I asked where it alk came from and he was like oh a friend thought you liked me so i thought i would ask. I knew this was a lie and told him thats not what he said. He asked what he did say, so i said that he badically likes me. He said well i do, ive got a massive soft spot forya that i cant help. So we talked about it & i admitted to him that i have a soft spot for him too & that he just makes me smile but we both agreed that anything more than friends was not an option. So i felt a lot better after we both had talked it through. But again im confused. What the hell is a soft spot??? How has it gone from being in love with me to just a soft spot. Which one is it?! Is he still hiding how he really feels and is just reluctantly accepting the friendship because i dont feel the same and hes embarrassed? or is it just a “soft spot” if you think so, would it be selfish of me to stay friends with him because i dont want to lose the friendship we have?

  31. @Elle…..Nice to hear from you. From what you describe of his outpouring it sure sounds like he’s totally into you. (Meaning, he likes you, likes you.) Once you told him you didn’t feel the same way and want to just be friends, he’s now doing whatever he can to save face. Your rejection is quite a blow to his ego. (To anyone’s ego) And if someone told him you liked him he probably thought it was a sure thing. He’s reeling. However, that doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty. You can’t make yourself be in love with someone. As per your friendship. That’s his call. Go on being friends with him until he says he can’t handle it. Good luck and keep us posted.

  32. I thought that was the case if im honest, him trying to save face. But he did say he never wants anything to change because were a big part of each others lives and would never do anything to change us. He knows how i feel and i kind of know how he feels seeing as though he’s covered it up better than what he did drunk. Sober it seems like hes just choosing his words very carefully to describe how he feels, drunk its like everything he really feels and thinks comes out. Last question. Now that this is out in the open, do you think he’ll behave like this everytime he sees me when he’s drunk?? Would that put strain on our friendship in the long run? Will he get over it or will those feelings still be there??

  33. @Elle….His feelings won’t change but it’s unlikely you’ll hear him open up to you like he did the one time he was drunk. Like we said, whether he can handle the friendship will be up to him. But understand that he’ll still have feelings for you no matter what he decides. Take care and good luck. Come back anytime. And thanks for sharing our site with friends.

  34. This guy and I met on a dating website and have been talking to each other for four months now. In the beginning we didn’t get to see each other a lot do to his late work schedule and me being a teacher. However, this past month we have seen each other at least once a week and talk more frequently. We are both not seeing anyone else since we have met but we are both still on the dating websites.

    We had a talk about a week ago where I expressed that I wanted to be with him and him only which meant no more dating websites. He agreed that he had very strong feelings for me but he was scared of hurting me and that he would “change” my thoughts on waiting for marriage. However, this is the guy who waited four months to make out with me out of respect for that decision.

    He said that if he were to get married tomorrow it would be to me and that I am that perfect girl. At this point right now, we have gone from dating to trying a “friendship” even though it is VERY obvious we both feel otherwise.

    He also told me he would not tell me that he was willing to wait (for sex) with me until he was willing to be married because he knows that is what it means for me.

    My question is, is he just not ready to be in a serious relationship yet and when he is, he will be with me? This guy has never given me a reason to believe he is lying to me or that he would say something that isn’t true.

    I just can’t stop thinking about that fact that he says I’m that girl he would want to marry tomorrow but he hasn’t decided to be in a relationship with me. I think it is because he knows once we are in a relationship, it will get serious due to the mutual feelings we have for one another. He also has expressed to me many times that he doesn’t want me out of his life. He wants me to always be in his life.

    When we talked a week ago he was okay with me still being on the dating websites. Now, he keeps mentioning that I’m on them all the time and it seems to bother him.

    I just need reassurance that I am on the right track with this guy. My heart tells me it is real this time but I am scared that being labeled friends will just get me hurt in the end.

    There is a lot more too it than this but I tried to summarize it lol
    Update: I forgot to mention that two days ago he called me just to talk which he has NEVER done before. Usually he texts me or comes over to talk lol Oh and the other day when he called me he mentioned me being on the dating website all the time. I told him it was a joke to me now. He had told me I wouldn’t find anyone on there fit for a queen (implying that I’m a queen). So I asked why he was still on it and he said because I was still on it. So I am confused on that since a week ago I told him I didn’t like that he was on it and he didn’t get off of it.

  35. This guy and I met on a dating website and have been talking to each other for four months now. In the beginning we didn’t get to see each other a lot do to his late work schedule and me being a teacher. However, this past month we have seen each other at least once a week and talk more frequently. We are both not seeing anyone else since we have met but we are both still on the dating websites.

    We had a talk about a week ago where I expressed that I wanted to be with him and him only which meant no more dating websites. He agreed that he had very strong feelings for me but he was scared of hurting me and that he would “change” my thoughts on waiting for marriage. However, this is the guy who waited four months to make out with me out of respect for that decision.

    He said that if he were to get married tomorrow it would be to me and that I am that perfect girl. At this point right now, we have gone from dating to trying a “friendship” even though it is VERY obvious we both feel otherwise.

    He also told me he would not tell me that he was willing to wait (for sex) with me until he was willing to be married because he knows that is what it means for me.

    My question is, is he just not ready to be in a serious relationship yet and when he is, he will be with me? This guy has never given me a reason to believe he is lying to me or that he would say something that isn’t true.

    I just can’t stop thinking about that fact that he says I’m that girl he would want to marry tomorrow but he hasn’t decided to be in a relationship with me. I think it is because he knows once we are in a relationship, it will get serious due to the mutual feelings we have for one another. He also has expressed to me many times that he doesn’t want me out of his life. He wants me to always be in his life.

    When we talked a week ago he was okay with me still being on the dating websites. Now, he keeps mentioning that I’m on them all the time and it seems to bother him.

    I just need reassurance that I am on the right track with this guy. My heart tells me it is real this time but I am scared that being labeled friends will just get me hurt in the end.

    There is a lot more too it than this but I tried to summarize it lol

    I forgot to mention that two days ago he called me just to talk which he has NEVER done before. Usually he texts me or comes over to talk lol Oh and the other day when he called me he mentioned me being on the dating website all the time. I told him it was a joke to me now. He had told me I wouldn’t find anyone on there fit for a queen (implying that I’m a queen). So I asked why he was still on it and he said because I was still on it. So I am confused on that since a week ago I told him I didn’t like that he was on it and he didn’t get off of it.

  36. @Jessica…….Honestly, we hate to speculate here. You’re kind of giving us a mixed message. (Sounds like that’s what he’s doing to you.) Our advice: He needs to step up to the plate. You’ve told him you want to date him exclusively, right? And that freaked him out. Maybe he feels like he doesn’t know you well enough to commit, but why can’t he at least commit to giving things a try? That’s what concerns us. If he was really into you, it just seems like he’d be willing to give it a shot and see what happens. If it didn’t work after that, well, that’s a different story. He’s putting the breaks on before much has even happened. Why don’t you reiterate that you want to date him exclusively and offer to get off the dating site. If he doesn’t want to do that we think you should move on.

  37. I just have a quick question. My guy friend and I are pretty touchy… he pokes and tickles, plays with my hair and nicknamed me kitten. We cuddle a lot too. But somehow questions about my sexual history keep coming up. He just says “I’m really curious tell me.” I’m a virgin and I told him that, but I don’t know if he believes me. Why does he even want to know this? Is it normal for guys to be curious about their female friends like this?

  38. @Lindsay……How old are the two of you? And is he trying to take the cuddling to the next level?

  39. we’re both 18 and in university. There’s been a few times we’ve done more than cuddling…
    but he’s a friend. And the more than cuddling has only happened when one or both of us is drunk.

  40. @Lindsay…..He definitely wants to have sex with you but he’s the jealous type of guy, or worried type of guy. He doesn’t want you to have more sexual history than him. But the question is: Does he want more than just sex? Because it sounds like you might. And if so, we’d suggest not having sex with him until that’s established.

  41. I am interested in him as more than a friend, and I think he knows this too. But is he only interested in sex? We hang out a lot, mostly in groups, but he comes in my room sometimes and talks to me. I know another girl that he does this with too…

  42. @Lindsay……Sounds like he’s looking for someone to hook up with but he’s inexperienced so thus the questions.

  43. Veronica // July 22, 2013 at 1:58 pm //

    Hey Guys!
    Long story short, a few months after I got out of a really serious relationship I met a guy and we would talk consistently. Once I felt like he was developing feelings I told him I didnt want to start dating any time soon. Then I convinced myself that I needed to move on from my last relationship, and decided to give him a chance. I think he’s a great guy, but as we started getting more serious I felt like I was settling for something I didnt want because I really liked his company. So last night I told him that I didnt want anything more than a friendship, and he seemed a little confused. I really would like to maintain a friendship with him but I dont know how to go about doing that.. I dont know if I should text him or give him some space.. He has had his heart broken many times in the past and I just didnt want things to get more serious because I didnt feel like it was fair to him when I really wasnt completely invested in a relationship..
    So my question is, how do I approach this situation and keep him as a friend without offending him in any way?

  44. @Veronica…….You don’t. There are two people here. And from our experience the only reason he’ll want to be friends with you is because he’ll hope that you’ll change your mind about him. The ball is in his court. That said, if you really want to be friends with him then tell him that and see what he says. The worst that can happen is don’t see him anymore. That doesn’t sound too different than right now.

  45. Veronica // July 29, 2013 at 11:26 pm //

    Hey Guys!
    If I had known you had replied so quickly this would have been sent much sooner! But I completely agree with your response. Actually, I was glad he made the effort to talk to me after the conversation but I’m not really sure he’s trying to be my friend. He is changing every aspect that I mentioned would not make us compatible in a relationship; being more ambitious, completing old promises.. being super sweet. And the mentality I’ve maintained is that I said all I had to say in the conversation when I told him I wanted to be friends. So I’m trying not to over think anything. I can’t help but feel like the “just going with it” may lead him on eventually, even though all physical interaction has stopped and I encourage him to see other girls.. Is maintaining this “friendship” unfair to him?
    Have a great day guys, thanks for the thought put in to your responses.

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