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Thank you for all of your questions. We have a serious backlog, but we are working hard at answering them as quickly as possible. Thanks for your patience. Anyone that DONATES to THE GUYS will be moved to the top of the queue, which means we will answer your question within 2-3 days. (See PayPal button on right side of any page.) Yes, we will still try to answer all questions, but questions unaccompanied by a donation become part of the general queue which has a two to three week delay right now. And of course it’s not possible to get to every one.
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Some recent questions:
I’ve been with my guy for three years now and we have a seventeen month old little boy. I have to admit our relationship has been rocky at times, and a lot of the time it’s because I have self esteem issues and never have felt good enough for him; and I’m worried he will find someone better. Anyway he is having to move away for a year soon to finish his degree. He will be going ten hours away from us. My son and I are staying back at home where I am studying and have support from family and friends. I am very anxious about us being away for that long even though he assures me all the time that he would never cheat on me. I just feel like he is going to meet a girl much better than me and realize he never wants to come back. I wish he didn’t have to go and I’m wondering if a guy really can survive without regular intimacy both physical and emotional for a long period of time. And since I won’t be there, maybe he will naturally and maybe unconsciously let me go.
Thanks guys xx
Thanks for your question.
Yes, a guy can survive without regular intimacy for a year. We are no different than women in this regard. In fact your situation has little to do with guys and girls, and much more to do with individuals. Guys who cheat, will cheat no matter what. Distance makes it easier, but for the cheater it doesn’t matter. On the contrary, someone who is going to be faithful will be faithful even if they have to wait for a year, because they have a clear moral compass that’s guiding them. Faithful guys are less narcissistic and are better able to put themselves in their partner’s shoes and say, “How would I feel if she cheated on me?”
Your boyfriend/partner will likely have to “take care” of himself—in that intimate way, if you know what we’re saying. And of course the two of you could always engage in various long distance intimacies—phone sex, text sex, flirtatious emails, etc.—to help connect the two of you in a semi-physical way, and make the time apart pass more quickly.
But there are bigger issues going on here. First of all, Nichola, you have to take him at his word. He says he would never cheat on you, so you have to believe him. Or not. It’s up to you. All of this worry is more about you than it is him, unless he’s given you some cause to be suspicious. You don’t mention that’s the case, so we assume these are your own insecurities playing with your head. And in general if you don’t get a handle on these thoughts and feelings, your relationship will continue to be rocky. He sounds like a patient sort of guy, but if he is constantly having to reassure you, that’s going to get old fast. It’s certainly not a big turn on. And if it continues for too long it might possibly drive him to do the very thing you’re most worried about: leave you.
We don’t know why you feel the way you do, but it’s something you should seek some professional help with. (That’s above our pay grade.) You need to get to the bottom of these feelings otherwise every relationship you have now, and in the future, will be affected, including the relationship you have with your son.
We have faith in you. Clearly you’re an introspective person, and that will serve you well as you look for some answers.
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