Can a guy’s taste really change?

Dear Guys,

Ok so I have been sleeping with this guy for a while and recently over the past month or so he’s been acting like he wants more, wanting to date, making romantic gestures, sex getting regrettably less energetic on his part, wanting to talk more and snuggle in front of the TV. It’s thrown me; it was only supposed to be sex to start with. Also I met his ex I am so not his type.

Last year I fell for a guy and it was this whole whirlwind thing but he turned out to be sexually and emotionally abusive. Since then I haven’t felt ready to even consider letting anyone get that close; but with this guy it’s different and I have been questioning whether I could try to be with him. The problem is that if I’m going to take this massive step I kind of need him to be serious. And given how different I am from his ex I’m not sure he is. I don’t know if it’s really possible to change what you look for in someone that much.

Nobody wants to realize they are a carbon copy of someone’s ex but what if you realize you’re polar opposites?  He’s not been with many women and they were together for four years so obviously she must be his type. And given how different we are I don’t see how his taste could change so dramatically. She’s tall, dark, and really curvy. I’m short, just under 5ft 4, pale and skinny thanks to a long struggle with an eating disorder. She’s posh and dresses really conservative where I’m more of a tomboy, wearing baggy jeans, skinny fit band tops, eyeliner, long, always slightly messy black hair. He never went out drinking with her or took her to a metal gig which is the kind of dating I do. Apparently her conservative demeanor extended into the bedroom; they didn’t even sleep together until seven months into their relationship whereas although I’m not proud to admit it, we got together through impromptu group sex after a lot of Jack Daniels.

However much of it comes down to acting out after my last relationship. When I met him sex was about taking control and getting off and I was having a lot of it. She’s the kind of girl you want to marry and take home to mum. And honestly I’ve never been a saint and I guess I feel like I’m the kind of girl you wouldn’t dream of doing either of those with. She’s confident and independent and I’m damaged and I don’t see how I could possibly compete with her.

Is it possible that a guy could really be attracted to two women who are so different or is he just trying to prove something to himself? At 21, I’m three years younger than both of them are and come with a lot more baggage. Why would a guy want to take that on especially when he’s obviously been used to something so much better?

Just really think I need a guy’s perspective on this.


Dear Kahlan,

Thanks for your question.

We’ll start with a question. Why can’t you just take things at face value? It seems like he’s really into you, so why are you questioning his motives, or his tastes? Honestly, your questions seem more about some of your insecurities rather than this guy’s tastes.

Sure, some guys may have a type, but typically guys are attracted to anyone who is, um, attractive. We don’t just go for blondes, brunettes, tall girls, curvy types, fashionable girls, girls with dimples, athletic girls, skinny girls, and every other possible type. We go for women we are attracted to for one reason or another. Often it’s hard for us to even explain. So guys do have a type: the type of girl they are attracted to.

Stop worrying about what you aren’t and realize that this guy is into all the things you are. From what you describe you are: fun, exciting, maybe a bit “dangerous”, interesting, open, enthusiastic, inquisitive, attractive, etc. We could go on.  And we’re sure he could go on and on about all the reasons he’s into you.

We are not guaranteeing anything here, but we are saying, ENJOY IT. See what happens. Don’t second guess his motives, or what he’s thinking. And if you’re not sure you could always ask him. But be careful not to make him feel like he always has to build you up. One of the most attractive qualities a women can have is confidence. So just be yourself.

Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And leave us a comment.


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

Other related posts: 

Do looks matter? 

I’m short and I don’t feel beautiful


9 Comments on Can a guy’s taste really change?

  1. Maybe he was with that one type of girl and thought to himself, “I do NOT want another one of ‘those.'” We do have the ability to learn from our mistakes.

    While some guys may have a specific type, I think even more do not. It’s more important “how a girl is” than pursuing a single, specific set of physical attributes.

    The Guys are right. Don’t overthink it, value yourself as you are, and go have some fun.

  2. Will having sex with another guy help me get over my ex?

  3. @Nicolr……Definitely not. It will only make you feel sadder and miss your ex more. And probably make you feel angry at yourself. It’s one thing to date other people while trying to heal, but having sex will not heal your pain. Take care. Hang in there. Any other questions?

  4. Why do guys cheat on someone willing to do anything for them?

  5. @Nicolr……Their cheating often has nothing to do with the person they’re with. It has to do with them. People who cheat, need to cheat. It makes them feel good, but of course it’s an empty path.

  6. Okay so, I dated this guy that was with his ex girlfriend for like 2 years. The whole time we was dating she wouldn’t leave me alone. Then we broke up & I found out he cheated on me the whole time with her. Other than her being stupid for going back to him, because I think they’re talking again (& he’s cheated on her and she knows about it), she won’t leave me alone now. I don’t talk to him anymore. How do I get her to leave me alone?

  7. @Nicolr……What do you mean she won’t leave you alone? Is she harassing you? Is she threatening you? Does she think you’re still a threat? And how old are you? Please give us some more info so we can answer your question. Thanks.

  8. Hi! I just saw this guy I’ve known for years. He’s usually nice sometimes and can be a jerk at other times, but when I saw him today, he was really friendly and hugged me..which I don’t think he’s ever done before (or if he did, it was only once or twice..) and told me I looked different. I said “thanks?” and he said “in a good way”. I just like him as a friend but I was wondering what he could have meant by that..

  9. @Eliza……..It sounds like he was surprised by how good you looked. Does that make sense at all, or are we way off-base?

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