Ok so I have been sleeping with this guy for a while and recently over the past month or so he’s been acting like he wants more, wanting to date, making romantic gestures, sex getting regrettably less energetic on his part, wanting to talk more and snuggle in front of the TV. It’s thrown me; it was only supposed to be sex to start with. Also I met his ex I am so not his type.
Last year I fell for a guy and it was this whole whirlwind thing but he turned out to be sexually and emotionally abusive. Since then I haven’t felt ready to even consider letting anyone get that close; but with this guy it’s different and I have been questioning whether I could try to be with him. The problem is that if I’m going to take this massive step I kind of need him to be serious. And given how different I am from his ex I’m not sure he is. I don’t know if it’s really possible to change what you look for in someone that much.
Nobody wants to realize they are a carbon copy of someone’s ex but what if you realize you’re polar opposites? He’s not been with many women and they were together for four years so obviously she must be his type. And given how different we are I don’t see how his taste could change so dramatically. She’s tall, dark, and really curvy. I’m short, just under 5ft 4, pale and skinny thanks to a long struggle with an eating disorder. She’s posh and dresses really conservative where I’m more of a tomboy, wearing baggy jeans, skinny fit band tops, eyeliner, long, always slightly messy black hair. He never went out drinking with her or took her to a metal gig which is the kind of dating I do. Apparently her conservative demeanor extended into the bedroom; they didn’t even sleep together until seven months into their relationship whereas although I’m not proud to admit it, we got together through impromptu group sex after a lot of Jack Daniels.
However much of it comes down to acting out after my last relationship. When I met him sex was about taking control and getting off and I was having a lot of it. She’s the kind of girl you want to marry and take home to mum. And honestly I’ve never been a saint and I guess I feel like I’m the kind of girl you wouldn’t dream of doing either of those with. She’s confident and independent and I’m damaged and I don’t see how I could possibly compete with her.
Is it possible that a guy could really be attracted to two women who are so different or is he just trying to prove something to himself? At 21, I’m three years younger than both of them are and come with a lot more baggage. Why would a guy want to take that on especially when he’s obviously been used to something so much better?
Just really think I need a guy’s perspective on this.
Thanks for your question.
We’ll start with a question. Why can’t you just take things at face value? It seems like he’s really into you, so why are you questioning his motives, or his tastes? Honestly, your questions seem more about some of your insecurities rather than this guy’s tastes.
Sure, some guys may have a type, but typically guys are attracted to anyone who is, um, attractive. We don’t just go for blondes, brunettes, tall girls, curvy types, fashionable girls, girls with dimples, athletic girls, skinny girls, and every other possible type. We go for women we are attracted to for one reason or another. Often it’s hard for us to even explain. So guys do have a type: the type of girl they are attracted to.
Stop worrying about what you aren’t and realize that this guy is into all the things you are. From what you describe you are: fun, exciting, maybe a bit “dangerous”, interesting, open, enthusiastic, inquisitive, attractive, etc. We could go on. And we’re sure he could go on and on about all the reasons he’s into you.
We are not guaranteeing anything here, but we are saying, ENJOY IT. See what happens. Don’t second guess his motives, or what he’s thinking. And if you’re not sure you could always ask him. But be careful not to make him feel like he always has to build you up. One of the most attractive qualities a women can have is confidence. So just be yourself.
Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And leave us a comment.
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