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Can this grow into something more?

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Also, check out our latest podcast Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves.  The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.

Here are the six relationship questions we answered on on our latest podcast:

Sarah is beginning to have a change of heart. Now that her man wants to introduce her to his family, she’s unsure how she feels about it.

Dan wonders whether or not he’s being played by the single mom he has recently started dating.

Miss Lady’s boyfriend turned down a trip to Vegas with her, but after his guy friends ask him he’s all in. Now what?

Jenny’s man cheated on her with seven to ten different women, but she still loves him. Why would he do that?

Emily has an admirer, at least that’s what her loving friends tell her. Are they right she wonders?

Riya is confused about a guy from work. They date; he decides it’s not going to work; but then he keeps texting even after she’s moved on. She is curious why he still is trying to be “friends.”

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TGP Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves

Last week’s questions:

Jealousy: Friends with the opposite sex

Break up confusion; will he come back?

Cultural Differences Part 2: Am I being used?

Is he my boyfriend or am I just booty call?

We smile; does he like me?

Hurt and Confused in a long distance relationship

This week’s questions:

Long distance guy; is he worth it?

Dear Guys,

I’m not in a serious relationship with anybody right now and I didn’t think I wanted to be in a relationship with anyone either when I started talking to this guy I met at school in October.  He is 21 and I’m 20. We started hanging out at school during our free time. I think he is a great person, and we both recently got out of some pretty serious relationships about a year and a half ago.

We text almost every day and he will call me every once in a while. (But there’s always a “but.”)

When we started hanging out we kind of let each other know it wasn’t anything serious. It was more of a way to be safe instead of “hanging out” with many different people. So we have had sexual relationships but we know we aren’t a couple. We have known each other for 7 months now and we have gotten to know each other better. When we had the winter break and spring break from school we still stayed in contact and tried to hang out. We talk about our past relationships; we even argue… we’re comfortable with each other. He shows he cares about me with little details; he calls me names like baby or babe, stays up talking to me at night, waited till 12 am exactly to call me on my birthday. When we meet up at school before he leaves he hugs me and tells me he wished he could stay longer, even when we are just hanging out. I rest my head on his shoulder and he kisses my forehead gently and tells me he enjoys spending time with me.

The problem is he sometimes takes forever to answer me after I text him; or sometimes he will stop answering all together. When I tell him about it he just replies he doesn’t really like texting. But I guess you figured out that’s not my biggest problem. I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from this guy and I started feeling attracted to him more than just sexually. When I tried ending it before I got hurt and he tried to stop me. And when I told him there were other girls he could meet, he kept telling me he didn’t want to be with another girl.

So I guess my questions are, does he want something more with me or is he just used to the idea of us being together without actually being a couple? Or is he just too lazy to go find another girl that will agree to be in a committed booty call with him?

Karen

Dear Karen,

Thanks for writing to us.

When a relationship starts one way and then morphs into something else, it is often accompanied by confusion, especially when one person wants the relationship to change into something more serious, and the other person is happy with the way things are.

It’s nice to have a guy friend who you can feel “safe” with and hang out with, but once you add sex into the equation things change, and often get more complicated. Men are better able to separate sex from emotion than woman. Your guy could really love your friendship, enjoy having sex with you, but still not be in love with you. For women, it’s not so easy to compartmentalize, and that’s why this relationship has changed for you and not necessarily for him.

From what you say, it’s clear he has strong feelings toward you, but based on what we know about guys, it’s not clear exactly what those feelings are. So trying not to sound like a broken record, you need to tell him things have changed for you and that you want this to be an exclusive relationship-boyfriend and girlfriend. There’s no need to try and be casual about it, things have gone way beyond that. Just sit him down, preferably somewhere besides the bedroom, and tell him how you feel; and ask him how he feels. This will not be a one time conversation. He’ll need time to percolate, and think about things. This might take a few conversations. But in the meantime stop having sex with him until this is resolved. No need to make things harder and more confusing than they already are.

As far as his lack of communication, and the fact that he doesn’t get back to you, that’s a separate issue and one that can be addressed after you get the main issue resolved. However, don’t brush this under the carpet. This is not a little thing. Guys may think they have a hall pass when it comes to communicating, but we don’t. And if your guy makes excuses why he doesn’t get back to you, you need to call him on it. Remember, the relationship has to work for you too, and both parties must listen, compromise, and work through important issues. It takes work to be in a relationship. Maybe that doesn’t sound sexy or romantic, but actually nothing is sexier than a trusting relationship with good communication, because that transfers over to every aspect of the relationship including the bedroom, if you know what we’re trying to say!

So take the risk Karen. Either way you’ll have your answer. Hopefully it will work out the way you hope. And if not, on to greener pastures.

All the best,

THE GUYS

 

 

 

2 Comments on Can this grow into something more?

  1. Once again, I completely agree with your advice, Guys. You rock! And, good luck Karen, I hope it works out for you!

  2. Thank you so much for the advice. I really needed to hear this from someone else and now I know what my next step is. Thanks Raven and THANK YOU Guys, i agree with Raven you really are awesome!!! I will post soon to let you guys now how our talk goes. <3<3<3

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