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Last week’s questions:
He’s controlling and jealous; friends with the opposite sex (Read comments)
I am 18, dating a 21 yr old marine. He seems to be the man of any girls’ dreams. He has just recently started staying over night. He has met my family and my parents approve, which was hard for my dad. So here is the confusion. We have been dating just over a month. He is telling me he wants more than just a relationship. He says he wants to take me to meet his parents in a different state. I know he has already told them about me. But in the past week I have been put on the back burner. He hardly calls. When he does call it is short and he says he will call back and then doesn’t. Then he will text and say sorry for not calling, and say he is thinking about me. He only says he “loves” me when we are alone. He doesn’t hide me, we go out to the movies and dinner and I have met some of his friends. I just feel like he might be hiding something. So if you guys could help me out with this one it would be much helpful.
Thanks for your note.
We can see why you’d be confused. Our first reaction to your letter is, why are you moving so fast with this guy? It’s only been a month and he’s already met your parents, and now he wants you to meet his? The only thing we can think of is he’s being deployed soon, and you both feel the need to square some things away before he leaves. But still, we think you should slow things down a bit and really get to know one another better.
His inconsistent behavior should give you pause to wonder. He’s already proven to be unreliable, and reliability is a pretty important quality to look for in a long term partner. If nothing else it should tell you that you need to get to know him a lot better before you start making all sorts of promises. He should get to know you better as well. We can’t say for sure what’s going on, but trust your gut. Something is going on.
And why is he the man of any girls’ dreams? You don’t say. But be careful if you’re judging by only looks and charm. That can get old pretty fast if some of the more important qualities are lacking.
DeeDee, you’re 18. We’re not going to say you’re too young to find the man of your dreams, but you are young in the grand scheme of things. So we say, take your time with this guy. Maybe you could rewind a bit and go out on some more dates before you continue to have him stay over for the night. If his inconsistent behavior continues you need to ask yourself if he’s the kind of man you really want. Because we can tell you for sure, if he’s exhibiting this kind of behavior now, he’s unlikely to change.
Have some patience with life, and enjoy being 18. If it doesn’t work out with this guy, you have plenty of time to explore the world, and meet new people.