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Confused single mom meets free-spirited guy

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Dear Guys,

First of all I am 23, divorced with two kids. I left my ex because he was a liar and a cheater. When I was 17 before I met the father of my children I liked this guy from the moment I saw him. I made it clear to some mutual friends I liked him. Finally he asked me to hang out and I went to his house. I was surprised that he put the moves on me right away. We had sex all night and into the morning. We hung out one more time and it seemed to me that we had this amazing connection- both mental and physical. Then he just blew me off and I was devastated.

Then last July I was out with a girl friend and ran into him. He grabbed me hugged me and said he had been thinking about me and dreaming about me and was surprised to see me. He pulled me outside and we talked about life for a long time. I could tell he was very genuine and he apologized for hurting me before. He called the next week and we hung out at a concert. Then he invited me to his house. I went, and of course we started messing around but he did not try to have sex with me. Instead I pushed him to it.

After that we went camping together and he was very sweet and romantic. We spent a couple of nights or one night a week with him and hung out at concerts for 4 months but we never discussed what we were. So I gave him space and he gave me mine. Then we both had some jealousy issues and he stopped hanging out with me.

I told him I thought he was amazing and that if he didn’t want me getting attached he should have never held my hand at night and kissed my forehead or played love songs on his guitar. He said he wanted to take it slow. Now five months later he is talking to me and we started sleeping together again. Once again we have not discussed us. I am afraid to ask because I feel like he is scared of his feelings for me. When we spend time together I can say I have never been happier with any other man. I feel like we are meant for each other and when we lay together in bed the feelings are so overwhelming I almost cry.  What should I do? I feel like he is just young and needs time to come around! He is fine with my kids and very loving to them. I told him that I fell for him before I had kids. And I said to him that if he didn’t feel the same he should treat me like he is treating me.

He must know what he is doing to me? How can I tell this boy how I feel without scaring him away? He is the free spirited type likes to stay busy camping, hiking, and snow boarding.

Thanks,

Anias

Dear Anias,

Thanks for writing to us.

So let’s get this straight. You’ve met a guy you really like but he’s giving you mixed signals and you’re not completely sure where he stands? Also, you’re not sure if you have a relationship with him, or if he’s just having fun?

You don’t say how old he is but we’ll assume he’s around your age, which puts him at 23. That’s pretty young for a guy to be ready to jump head first into a somewhat complicated situation, which yours is. He may be great with your kids, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to be a parental figure. So regardless of how he may or may not feel about you, you bring more variables into a relationship than the typical 23 year old woman. That doesn’t mean that there are no guys ready to take on a single mom with two kids, it just means that most guys at 23 won’t be ready.

It sounds like you have a very strong connection with this guy and that’s a wonderful thing. But make sure these feelings are based on more than sex, because you have two beautiful children that are your first priority. Whomever you bring into the fold needs to be a great role model for your kids, as well as a wonderful partner for you. This boy(your words)sounds like a lot of fun. But hanging out with him from time to time doesn’t paint the entire picture. You need to consider seriously what kind of partner he might be for the long haul, especially since you want someone who’s going to be a solid and consistent presence for your kids.

If you truly feel like you love this boy what do you have to lose by telling him how you feel? Giving him space isn’t giving you any answers. You’re catering to him and making it easy for him. Right now he is doing whatever he wants, and then when the mood hits him, he gets to have you too.  This scenario doesn’t seem to benefit you very much.

If you tell him how you feel and he freaks out then you’ll have your answer. However he responds you’ll know more than you do now. Don’t be afraid of information Anias. It’s better than ignoring the situation because you’re scared of what might happen. If he’s not ready then it’s time to move on, even if it’s very sad. In the end it will be better for you.

We’re sorry this is so confusing and hard. And we wish you the best.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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