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Also, check out our latest podcast Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves. The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.
Here are the six relationship questions we answered on on our latest podcast:
Sarah is beginning to have a change of heart. Now that her man wants to introduce her to his family, she’s unsure how she feels about it.
Dan wonders whether or not he’s being played by the single mom he has recently started dating.
Miss Lady’s boyfriend turned down a trip to Vegas with her, but after his guy friends ask him he’s all in. Now what?
Jenny’s man cheated on her with seven to ten different women, but she still loves him. Why would he do that?
Emily has an admirer, at least that’s what her loving friends tell her. Are they right she wonders?
Riya is confused about a guy from work. They date; he decides it’s not going to work; but then he keeps texting even after she’s moved on. She is curious why he still is trying to be “friends.”
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This week’s questions:
Here are last week’s questions:
I have been dating this guy for a year and about 3 months. He will be 30 in December. I am 25, white girl with one child. No baby daddy drama, as he is not in the picture since she was 8 months. He has no interest unfortunately.
That said, I have an Indian boyfriend, whom had asked me to be his girlfriend OFFICIALLY after 3 months of dating. I then found out about a month after, that he has this culture issue. I asked when I was going to meet his parents. He claimed his mother found a picture of my daughter in his wallet and tried to tell him that I was using him and that I would not commit to him. So I let a few more months pass without mentioning anything about meeting them. Then he went on a few guy trips. I felt like he was totally living his life the way he wanted. So now, a year and few months into the relationship with this guy, he STILL has not taken me home.
SO, my question begins with CULTURE. He said that he spoke to his mom five months ago, and she tried to tell him that I will not commit, and if he was so serious about me, we should move in together. I offered for him to move out of his mom’s house and into my house. I only have a 2 bedroom and it is not spacious. SO he said it is too small for him, but he will find something and buy it, and then we’ll move in together.
He says he is looking, but I have no physical proof. Besides that, he is going on another guy trip. To me guy trips = money. I want to know if I should tell him that it has been too long for me not to have met his parents. He said he told his mom that he will prove it to her that I am not like the stereotypical woman she believes me to be. To me that is just a cop out.
I do not know why, but I can slightly understand why a 30 year old man would have a hard time telling his parents he wants to stand up for himself and move out after living for free all these years. I guess this is why I hang on hoping I understand. HOWEVER, I am wondering if I am wasting my time.
My daughter loves him and he’s great with her, but I need to know if I may be wasting our time. And I don’t want her to think he’s here to stay when he may not be.
I have offered him space and distance to see if he needs more time without me to sort things out. He says he doesn’t want time, and wants to be with me. He claims he’s doing everything he can now. Have you heard of this before? He’s East Indian. I read a lot of negative stuff on websites how they use white women until their arranged marriages. He was born in America. He seems Americanized. As a matter of fact I thought he was Hispanic before I learned that he was Indian.
Am I wasting my time? I hate to sound like a fool but I am so in love with this man and I figure if I wasn’t, then I’d have left him the moment he told me his mother couldn’t meet me yet. He’s said I am the only one he can see himself marrying, and that if we have to we will leave to another state… “if we have to?” very tough ..love is blind, please tell me I am not blind..?
Thanks for writing to us. (To read part 1 click: Men and their Guy Trips)
First of all the good news is you’re in love. Whether you end up marrying this man, or moving on with your life, love is a wonderful feeling to experience. So amidst all your worry, try to remind yourself of that and enjoy it.
Second, stop reading reading websites that make you feel badly. Men are individuals and generally live by their own rules. If you are with a man who follows the pack you won’t be happy in the long run anyway. You want a man who has his own beliefs and values, and lives his life by them.
Now on to your questions.
It’s alarming that his mother has so much influence on him. However, in Indian culture, family is very important. And the future of a son seems to be a higher priority than the future of a daughter, although that’s changed considerably in the last twenty years. You don’t say, but is your guy the oldest son, or the only son? If so, he has even more pressure on him to follow his parents’ wishes, and marry within his own culture. We still don’t like to hear that he won’t introduce you to his parents. That certainly is a red flag, and frankly he may not even be telling you the extent of their discontent with your relationship. (Your daughter probably is also factoring into the equation.) You are probably not the vision his parents had when they pictured their son happily married and settled. We’re sure they pictured him with a nice Indian woman. But that doesn’t mean you should give up; just be aware that their feelings toward you may never change, even if you two do get married and have your own kids as well.
You’re right to wonder whether or not he’s using you until a bride is chosen for him by his parents. But truly it sounds like he cares for you a lot and wants to be with you. That doesn’t mean he’ll end up choosing you, it just means that it sounds like his intentions, although a bit meandering, are good.
You are 25 Nicole, and pretty young in the grand scheme of things. Why not wait a bit longer to see how this plays out? If you don’t you’ll probably regret it. And we can’t, AND won’t tell you what you should do, because only you know how you feel toward him, and how he makes you feel.
We say proceed forward, but give yourself some sort of deadline. That’s a tough one, and we don’t even feel completely confident saying it, but you certainly don’t want to turn 30, five years from now, still in the exact same boat, not having met his family, and wondering how this is going to turn out. You deserve more than that, and so does your daughter.
Good luck Nicole.